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[alienates]

KARKAT VANTAS

I probably do not give a fuck.

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

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[true_noir]

Naturally. That will give me time to make sure I know who this person is.

[She didn't, which meant that outright bribery or forcibly putting it on his head to snap a picture would almost certainly be involved in this particular prank. She was unphased, though. This sounded, on the surface, easier than the first task.

She suspected it wasn't. Grinning at him, she set down the cup and leaned back to steeple her fingers.]

I wonder what will happen if I ever accomplish the gargantuan task of completing all twelve of your labours, Karkat.

[alienates]

You won't ever find out because it's never going to goddamn happen, Chloe.

[ in all honesty, he was beginning to even forget this was a thing. karkat loves competition, but if he's waiting on other people to make the moves in it then he's more likely to get distracted by other shit. he probably shouldn't have said there's no time limit. ]

When you fail I accept apologies in the currency of kissing my dirt ass boots.

[true_noir]

[On the upside, she was going to be a touch more aggressive this time. She was considering outright bribery to pull off the feat, once she had the hat.]

Oh, you are droll, aren't you? You really want a poor little florist groveling at your feet that badly, do you? [She winked.] Ah, but let me get you that cup of coffee. We wouldn't want to forget that, would we?

[alienates]

No we goddamn would not. I took time out of my very busy schedule to come over here and I deserve some kind of compensation for it.

[ ignore the fact that they're here because of the bet that karkat willingly made. ]

[true_noir]

Well then, come, let us get you that coffee.

[She winked at him and got up, moving towards the counter and waiting for him. Such a surly boy he could be, but there was a certain amusement to it, honestly.]

[alienates]

[ he does not get up immediately

he lets her wait

because he's petty.

but, of course, karkat does eventually get up, since he cannot say no to a free drink. ]

[true_noir]

[Free drink acquired and she smiled over at him while he placed the order, leaning against the counter and seemingly just in general amused.] You are far too entertaining for your own good, you know.

[alienates]

One of these days you're going to learn that I am not meant for your entertainment.

[ the poor barista. ]

[true_noir]

[She giggled at him, her lips pulled back in a bemused grin.] One of these days, you will realize that all my friends entertain me, in their own ways. You're fun to put up with, now and again.

[Though she was honest enough to admit that she couldn't take his headaches every single day.]

[alienates]

Wow. What a compliment.

[ you can practically reach out and touch the sarcasm. ]

[true_noir]

[She snickered.] One of these days, Karkat, I will ask why you put up this front to everyone. As adorable as it is. It does make me quite curious.

[Ca-ching. There went the bill getting paid, and someone was about to have a fresh pot of joe.]

[alienates]

I'm not putting up a front, you deluded fucknut.

[ yeah the person behind the register just had to pretend to sneeze in order to hide their laughter. ]

This is literally my personality.

[true_noir]

[She was having trouble not falling into laughter too.] Anyone who could manage to have such wonderful feline friends as you is not always so surly, Karkat. [She winked.] I am simply an acquired taste, that is all. Like the sprouts from brussels.

[alienates]

I hate brussel sprouts.

[ he doesn't eat vegetables in general. he's one of Those People. ]

[true_noir]

Everyone does at first. There's a wonderful special by Alton Brown on making them quite palatable. [...seriously, though, why did he do that? Why couldn't that man have left well enough alone.]

[alienates]

By Alton who?

[ he should just drop the conversation, and yet, ]

[true_noir]

Alton Brown. He does a cooking show where they show you how to make foods you wouldn't expect to be good. I watch the Food Network when I am bored.

[It wasn't bad, at least. No teasing this time.]

[alienates]

Huh. I figured you'd be more of the type to watch a lot of those really terribly acted action films where they punch holes through helicopters and shit with bad CGI.

[ don't ask how karkat reached this conclusion because he's not entirely sure either. ]

[true_noir]

When I watch movies, they're usually spy thrillers actually. I watch cooking shows and the occasional spy show or cop drama. Those are always fun. [She chuckled.] Oh, and alien conspiracy shows. Blame Ryoga for that.

[alienates]

[ karkat used to be all about alien conspiracy theories until he started getting regains. he suddenly no longer cares for them. ]

Ryoga was that weirdo who went on about punching walls right?

[true_noir]

[Entirely understandable.]

The one with the cryptid fascination, yes. He has been off of the app for a while, but we used to talk sometimes, when he wasn't ranting too much.

[alienates]

I talked to him once and he got angry at me because I pointed out his reading comprehension was shit.

[ THE STORY OF KARKAT'S LIFE: everyone either hates him or finds him amusing. ]

[true_noir]

[She snickered.] He has a bit of a temper, and he also has terrible reading comprehension. I haven't seen him since. He was always a little... tricky to find.

but yes, he got me a little interested in things like Bigfoot and the like.

[alienates]

Maybe someone here has memories of being Bigfoot in a past life.

[ the way he says it makes it sound like a joke but he's also completely serious because

What If. ]

[true_noir]

[She nodded.] I won't say it isn't possible. Perhaps there are others with visions of being aliens or vampires, or even werewolves. I know a girl with the most adorable cat ears.

[Not mentioning the horns. Not mentioning the horns. Getting hard not to... but not mentioning them.]