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[alienates]

KARKAT VANTAS

I probably do not give a fuck.

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

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[sharplydressed]

[Is he actually giving this some serious thought? He might actually be giving this some serious thought.]

Well, it's not like there's a flood of exorcists out there, right? You'd totally have a monopoly on the market! In that kinda situation, you could charge however much you wanted and really boost your reputation up until people just think that's what your services are really worth.

[alienates]

Hm, you think so? But once people see my success, copycats would start turning up to steal my business.

[ this a completely fake hypothetical situation and yet karkat sounds like this is an actual, viable career choice for them. ]

[sharplydressed]

Ooh, true, true. You'd have to find a way to fend 'em off! Or brand yourself so uniquely that no one would be able to copy you. ...Or maybe even want to copy you.

[He, too, is apparently down for talking like this is a Real Problem that Karkat is Really Having (or might really have someday), so here they are.]

[alienates]

Maybe I can make them thing that it is a thing that is actually extremely difficult to to undergo and thus make no one else want to do it?

[ he isn't sure how to do that. he can probably bullshit it fairly well though. ]

[sharplydressed]

Good one! Everyone wants to ride on the tailcoats of success as long as they're easy, but if they gotta work? I'm sure you'd lose like, three quarters of the competition right there.

[The competition in this grueling supernatural market... This is going to come back to haunt him when he realizes he was in fact the spirit all along.]

[alienates]

[ it's fine, karkat used to make alien jokes all the time and now he's like OOPS ]</small? Fucking exactly. And for everyone else, you just have to be better than them, right?

[sharplydressed]

[WHEN THE JOKES BECOME TOO REAL.]

Bingo! And half of being better than them is up to your PR team and not your actual skill, anyway.

[alienates]

Wait. Shit, how do I get a PR team?

[ karkat you don't really need a pr team.

he wonders if he can google this. ]

[sharplydressed]

You can hire me! I'll be your one-man PR team.

[That isn't how PR teams work but honestly, this isn't how exorcism works as an industry either. ...Or wouldn't, rather, if it were a real thing. GO FOR BROKE.]

[alienates]

[ it's not like karkat even has anything he can compare this to so for all he knows, this is exactly as pr teams work. ]

Fine. You have the job. Congratulations.

[sharplydressed]

You can count on me to not let you down, probably!

[Ah, what a reliable PR team he'll be...]

[alienates]

That is as much as I can expect from anyone, probably.

[ IT'S FINE

what were they even originally talking about ]

[sharplydressed]

Your standards for help aren't super high, huh.

[A good question, honestly. Both of them are clearly masters of the Meandering Conversation™, which Kashuu happily indulges in as he starts cleaning up the bar area out of idleness.]

[alienates]

Not particularly, no, they really aren't.

[ look, he has only very recently started reaching out to people for help and sometimes it shows. ]

[sharplydressed]

[A LOOK OF UNDERSTANDING... He Gets It, mostly.]

Good thing I'm such a reliable one-man PR team, then.

[This is debatable, but at least Karkat will never run out of delicious beverages.]

[alienates]

I cannot believe I managed to snag your talents before someone else did. Is there a contract?

[ might as well take this ridiculousness all the way. ]

[sharplydressed]

Yeah, usually I require the immortal soul of whoever I work with once our contract is up. But for you? I'll make an exception.

[When will he decide if he's a ghostbusting barista or an actual demon barista, the real questions.]

[alienates]

Is this contract now completely free or is this a discount situation?

[ he's both, obviously. a demon that hunts ghosts while also serving coffee. ]

[sharplydressed]

[He could be the protag of his own Jump manga at this rate! ...Or the villain.]

Completely free, duh! But I mean, it's up to you to take my word for it.

[Probably the villain.]

[alienates]

[ more likely the villain. ]

Okay fine. Let's shake on it.

[ on this. important deal?? ]

[sharplydressed]

[STICKING HIS HAND OUT OVER THE COUNTER this is definitely the face of a villain.]

I'll look forward to representing your exorcist-hunting business!

[alienates]

[ THERE IS NOTHING SUSPICIOUS HERE

god his coworker and any other customer is probably just like, "what the fuck is going on there," but anyway karkat shakes his hand. contract made. ]

[sharplydressed]

[THEY'RE DEFINITELY GETTING JUDGED RIGHT NOW but it's fine, Kashuu will just seal the deal, shake his hand, and solidify their partnership in future anti-exorcisms. Good work, team.]