[ dirk you are going to have to tell dave no eventually. stop this. ]
You are giving him a lot of power over me right now. He already cheats at everything and I do not appreciate this unfair advantage that you are handing to him on a silver platter.
[ karkat has an entire internal debate with himself on whether he should proceed with this line of conversation or just hang up because like, even though dirk officially knows about them dating, karkat still likes to pretend that he does not. it makes him feel better. ]
That's because you only know him as Dave, your ectobiological bro who you apparently spoil the ever loving fuck out of. I, however, know him as Dave, the annoying douche who always ends up in dumb competitions with me for some reason neither of us don't understand. It just happens, and this selfie may start another one that I refuse to lose, Dirk.
[ it is always karkat's fault but that's not the fucking point, dirk!!! ]
Why do you automatically assume that I'm the instigator? This is blatant favoritism at work and I will not tolerate such a biased viewpoint. I know that it's difficult to see through all of that tacky eyewear, but if you stopped looking through Dave tinted glasses for two seconds that maybe you'd be able to comprehend that he is just as guilty as I am for starting shit. Perhaps even more guilty, with that smug little face of his.
Bullshit. He goes where you tell him to and you know it.
[ karkat does not buy your bullshit, dirk. he doesn't even take it off the shelf to inspect its price tag, he just keeps moving on down the aisle with his shopping cart filled with non-dirk related items. ]
[ dirk will now hear a somewhat muffled (although still perfectly audible since even though karkat is no longer speaking directly to his communicator, he's still Loud) "leave me the fuck alone" directed at wiz ]
[And Wiz... actually leaves! Aww, how nice. His orders to monitor Karkat carefully were only for the first week, after all!! So Wiz goes off to a corner to practice his sick raps.]
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What if he's seen it already? Then he would have two selfies and I am not entirely sure he deserves that honor.
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['Would' is the important word here because Dirk wouldn't delete the other one. He would just give Dave every single selfie ever.
Someone stop Dirk Strider from spoiling his family.]
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You are giving him a lot of power over me right now. He already cheats at everything and I do not appreciate this unfair advantage that you are handing to him on a silver platter.
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A cute picture of his boyfriend isn't generally considered competition material in human culture.
[...That might not be true, Dirk honestly doesn't know.]
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That's because you only know him as Dave, your ectobiological bro who you apparently spoil the ever loving fuck out of. I, however, know him as Dave, the annoying douche who always ends up in dumb competitions with me for some reason neither of us don't understand. It just happens, and this selfie may start another one that I refuse to lose, Dirk.
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[He just assumes it's always Karkat's fault honestly.]
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Why do you automatically assume that I'm the instigator? This is blatant favoritism at work and I will not tolerate such a biased viewpoint. I know that it's difficult to see through all of that tacky eyewear, but if you stopped looking through Dave tinted glasses for two seconds that maybe you'd be able to comprehend that he is just as guilty as I am for starting shit. Perhaps even more guilty, with that smug little face of his.
[ that smug little kissable face. ]
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My little Davey would never.
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[ the sound of shuffling on the other end of the call can be heard and dirk is now getting another self is sent.
this one has wiz in it. ]
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[He obviously forwards this selfie too without even waiting. What are you expecting from him, Karkat, honestly.]
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Well you can take him back, he keeps staring at me and it's starting to creep me out a little.
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He goes where he wants.
[He's URSULA's drone he does not exist solely to answer Strilonde requests.
That's a lie he totally is their family drone.]
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[ karkat does not buy your bullshit, dirk. he doesn't even take it off the shelf to inspect its price tag, he just keeps moving on down the aisle with his shopping cart filled with non-dirk related items. ]
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[Sure Wiz listens to the Striders but Wiz is also programmed to listen to crew members. ...As long as their orders don't disagree with Dirk's? WHOOPS]
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[ dirk will now hear a somewhat muffled (although still perfectly audible since even though karkat is no longer speaking directly to his communicator, he's still Loud) "leave me the fuck alone" directed at wiz ]
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