I was at school. I went to the bathroom and the horns just suddenly appeared like the worst zit in the goddamn world. I reacted in a very calm and reasonable manner, as in I locked myself in a bathroom stall for most of the school day until security caught me and forced me to go back to class.
[ he's about to leave it at just that. he tries not to get too in depth over how much the whole turning into a troll thing actually freaks him out, but ami is going to have to go through this too, so this is different. ]
[For Ami, the whole thing's been kind of abstract up until very recently. If aliens are cool, then becoming one must be even cooler, right? But that vivid memory a few days ago, of the horns actually being on her head, big heavy spirals but as natural as anything...
... it's lingered with her.]
but you still look totally human otherwise especially when you're wearing a hat
Well it's like Hmmmmmm It was one thing to get memories of having stuff like horns and pointy teeth and other shit? You can still think to yourself, "ok just because I see visions of it doesn't mean it's actually real." But then you blink and you for real have horns on your head. Which means that the rest of it is probably going to follow. It was that realization that kind of fucked me up.
I think I get it that realization that it's not just a club, or a fun secret identity but a permanent and highly visible marker of our... differentness? otherness?
and that at some point there'll be no fooling anyone
Seeing people react to the horns for the first time was a nightmare. People either tried grabbing them or did their best not to react?? But they still reacted. And then they'll tell you things like, "it's fine, you're still you!!" I guess that's true?? And maybe eventually after enough exposure people will get used to it but you're still going to have to deal with people seeing it for the first time again and again AND AGAIN I think if anything might be the cause of a potential murder-suicide it's that.
so what are we supposed to do? just ... enjoy being human while it lasts??? or should we go all in and be as weird as possible right away, so that it feels like something we're doing on purpose?
Obviously we need to go and make crop circles in the park or something. Just up the nonsense so people aren't aware that we are actually screaming on the inside.
hahaha yes perfect and after that we can stage some abductions and mutilate some cattle ooh and once I have time powers we can go back to the ancient world and trick them into building the pyramids!!! this is great, I think we're onto something here!!!!!!!!
Ok well, we are definitely going to have to rework some of those ideas. Mainly the mutilating cattle one because that sounds like the opposite of a fun weekend activity.
well screw the barbecue then maybe we can just behave in a manner s0 rand0m parad0x space w0nt kn0w h0w t0 handle it! blah BL00P blee BLUH!@#$%^&*()_+ maybe if i dig deep en0ugh int0 my circuitry and rer0ute all 0f my reserve p0wer thr0ugh my quantum based rand0m number generat0r i can pr0duce behavi0r s0 c0mpletely 0ff the wall that parad0x space will have n0 ch0ice but t0 change everything!
[she barely realizes that she's actually written this out while she's in the middle of remembering writing it. but the whims of a past self can be powerful things.]
[ okay so, since karkat actually got a regain regarding robot aradia, there is a pause where he just stares at what she wrote. circuitry, to be exact. he has no idea if ami remembers the robot thing or not because she hasn't mentioned it. ]
First of all, that is very early internet. Second Circuitry?
[there's a pause on Ami's end, too, though hers lasts a few minutes. she had to go get a drink of water and calm down a bit, once she realized she actually typed that out and sent it.]
s0rry *sorry i dont know what that was all about can i plead temporary insanity on all that stuff i just said
my name was Aradia I was a troll but... maybe also a fairy? my horns were big spirals, like a ram I had wings apparently I lived on the trollplanet out in the countryside in a big grey house with a windmill on top but at some point it was destroyed in the game, my class was Maid of Time in the hemospectrum (whatever that is), I was as low as possible my screen name was apocalypseArisen and
I don't really understand what my personality was like or Aradia's personality it seems wildly inconsistent like I remember her being happy and friendly and caring but what I just remembered a minute ago was her being angry and hopeless and another time she just didn't seem to have any feelings at all
it's like the more I remember about her the less I know who she is
In almost all of the ones I've had involving you, you're like 0_0 And pessimistic as fuck? Also, you were actually in one of the few memories I have where we're actually interacting in person. But you were......... How do I put this......... A robot.
[ karkat isn't sure what to say. it's... weird, having these memories and seeing themselves in them, but at the same time it's... not them? he can be an asshole, but the only times he gets extremely mean is when he's legitimately fighting with someone. but the him he's seen in his memories is... well. he doesn't seem like a nice person? as if he never turns off the asshole button.
but at least his personality seems consistent. ami, though... ]
Of course it isn't. You're a really short, soon to be freshman who gets excited about shit and dresses like you're competing to be in the next Tim Burton movie. Whatever the fuck we're seeing is uh Even if it's our past lives or an alternate reality or WHATEVER shitty nerd genre this falls under, we're still our own people here. And we'll figure it out somehow.
[her mind jumps to what Naoto said last month, though. what if the shitty nerd genre this falls under is the Matrix? what if it's all a simulation, and everything they know, love, and are is an elaborate digital prank? Ami rejected that theory at the time, and she still does, but the seed of doubt is there...
it'd be awfully pessimistic to bring that up, though. she forces the thought off the front burner, with more effort than it feels like it should take.]
yeah. we will I mean, we've got to, right? ... but thanks, Karkat
You are fucking tiny. I could stack twelve of you on top of each other and you'll reach my shins, probably. But I will be nice and gracious, and concede that maybe it's more like my knees instead of my shins. You're welcome.
Wow What the fuck have socks ever done to you huh? You're probably the reason why we keep losing the other pair. You eat them and people blame their dryers.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I went to the bathroom and the horns just suddenly appeared like the worst zit in the goddamn world.
I reacted in a very calm and reasonable manner, as in I locked myself in a bathroom stall for most of the school day until security caught me and forced me to go back to class.
[ he's about to leave it at just that. he tries not to get too in depth over how much the whole turning into a troll thing actually freaks him out, but ami is going to have to go through this too, so this is different. ]
I was goddamn terrified, if I'm being honest.
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... it's lingered with her.]
but you still look totally human otherwise
especially when you're wearing a hat
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Hmmmmmm
It was one thing to get memories of having stuff like horns and pointy teeth and other shit?
You can still think to yourself, "ok just because I see visions of it doesn't mean it's actually real."
But then you blink and you for real have horns on your head.
Which means that the rest of it is probably going to follow.
It was that realization that kind of fucked me up.
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that realization that it's not just a club, or a fun secret identity
but a permanent and highly visible marker of our... differentness? otherness?
and that at some point there'll be no fooling anyone
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People either tried grabbing them or did their best not to react?? But they still reacted.
And then they'll tell you things like, "it's fine, you're still you!!"
I guess that's true??
And maybe eventually after enough exposure people will get used to it but you're still going to have to deal with people seeing it for the first time again and again AND AGAIN
I think if anything might be the cause of a potential murder-suicide it's that.
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just ... enjoy being human while it lasts???
or should we go all in and be as weird as possible right away, so that it feels like something we're doing on purpose?
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Just up the nonsense so people aren't aware that we are actually screaming on the inside.
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and after that we can stage some abductions and mutilate some cattle
ooh and once I have time powers we can go back to the ancient world and trick them into building the pyramids!!!
this is great, I think we're onto something here!!!!!!!!
[..... ami are you ok]
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Mainly the mutilating cattle one because that sounds like the opposite of a fun weekend activity.
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only without all that TEDIOUS cooking and eating
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THEN THAT'S NOTHING LIKE A BARBECUE?????????
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maybe we can just behave in a manner s0 rand0m
parad0x space w0nt kn0w h0w t0 handle it!
blah BL00P blee BLUH!@#$%^&*()_+
maybe if i dig deep en0ugh int0 my circuitry and rer0ute all 0f my reserve p0wer thr0ugh my quantum based rand0m number generat0r i can pr0duce behavi0r s0 c0mpletely 0ff the wall that parad0x space will have n0 ch0ice but t0 change everything!
[she barely realizes that she's actually written this out while she's in the middle of remembering writing it. but the whims of a past self can be powerful things.]
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First of all, that is very early internet.
Second
Circuitry?
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s0rry
*sorry
i dont know what that was all about
can i plead temporary insanity on all that stuff i just said
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I mean that doesn't stop me from being really fucking curious since what the fuck.
Ok Ami, I have a question.
What do you remember about yourself??
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my name was Aradia
I was a troll but... maybe also a fairy?
my horns were big spirals, like a ram
I had wings apparently
I lived on the trollplanet out in the countryside
in a big grey house with a windmill on top
but at some point it was destroyed
in the game, my class was Maid of Time
in the hemospectrum (whatever that is), I was as low as possible
my screen name was apocalypseArisen
and
I don't really understand what my personality was like
or Aradia's personality
it seems wildly inconsistent
like I remember her being happy and friendly and caring
but what I just remembered a minute ago was her being angry and hopeless
and another time she just
didn't seem to have any feelings at all
it's like the more I remember about her
the less I know who she is
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0_0
And pessimistic as fuck?
Also, you were actually in one of the few memories I have where we're actually interacting in person.
But you were.........
How do I put this.........
A robot.
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... I think
you may be right
about all that
but I don't understand it
I'm not like that
I don't want to be like that!
it's not who I am!!
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but at least his personality seems consistent. ami, though... ]
Of course it isn't.
You're a really short, soon to be freshman who gets excited about shit and dresses like you're competing to be in the next Tim Burton movie.
Whatever the fuck we're seeing is uh
Even if it's our past lives or an alternate reality or WHATEVER shitty nerd genre this falls under, we're still our own people here.
And we'll figure it out somehow.
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it'd be awfully pessimistic to bring that up, though. she forces the thought off the front burner, with more effort than it feels like it should take.]
yeah. we will
I mean, we've got to, right?
... but thanks, Karkat
also
I'm not *that* short :p
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I could stack twelve of you on top of each other and you'll reach my shins, probably.
But I will be nice and gracious, and concede that maybe it's more like my knees instead of my shins.
You're welcome.
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you better watch yourself mister I will bite your ankles so hard
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Good luck biting through six layers of cotton and wool!!
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no sock can stand up to them for long!
(I know this because I put socks in my mouth all the time, apparently)
[no but seriously thanks Karkat, this is cheering her up immensely]
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What the fuck have socks ever done to you huh?
You're probably the reason why we keep losing the other pair.
You eat them and people blame their dryers.
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