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And just imagine! We could've avoided this whole mess if we'd just moved like, one town over.

[Shaking his head... What a tragedy. The saddest story ever told.]

Fucking seriously. Nowhere else seems to be having this problem actually. If you check the internet, you don't see people who live elsewhere talk about it.

[ why did they have to choose the one weirdo city. ]

Pretty spooky when you think about it, right? But if other places were having the same problem, we probably wouldn't know about it anyway 'cause they'd be in the exact same situation with everyone else thinking they're nuts.

[He almost hopes there's some other weirdo city out there somewhere but he also wouldn't want to wish Retrospec on anyone else...]

Jesus, you're right about that. You know, maybe Retrospec could even be blocking shit to make sure that if there are other places they're fucking with, we can't contact them.

[ it's a farfetched theory but the whole situation is absurd that he can't even rule it out. ]

Like some big firewall we don't even know about? I'd believe it. Maybe they've put filters on all our stuff that replace things like "help me Retrospec is ruining my life" with "top ten workout routines that'll blow your mind!" or whatever.

[They're really unraveling the mysteries of Retrospec here. Jim's gonna come down out of the sky at any second to arrest them for being too smart.]

They'd probably make the routines really fucking stupid so not only will we get no help, but whoever reads the post will think we're the worst clickbait they have ever seen.

[ which seems like the worst part of it all. ]

[Not even being good clickbait does sound like a special kind of hell, it's true...]

Like the big evils they stick us with aren't bad enough...

It's the minor shit that is truly the most obnoxious, since it shows that they never want to let you have a break.

[ you don't even know if they're actually doing these things that you're claiming they are. god. ]

There's something extra evil about guys who won't even let us get away without small annoyances too, you know? Like how I'm sure Janet's probably the most evil person on staff but I hate Jim more just 'cause he's so annoying.

[Why... Why is he this way. At least he's honest, for what little that's worth??]

Honestly? Goddamn same. Janet could be the damn mastermind but as long as her personality is even a little better than Jim's she's still better than he is.

[ this is very backwards logic, but yeah. at least they're not hiding it? ]

[THIS IS THE WORST LOGIC Jim's probably either judging them, laughing, or both at the same time.]

They'd do a lot better if they actually hired a decent PR team. Like, just imagine if they had someone working there who didn't talk down at us like we're a bunch of idiots.

[Fair on Jim's part though honestly because they are a bunch of idiots.]

People would probably hate them slightly less. I mean, just slightly. I'd still hate them even if they had Betty White as their spokesperson, but I wouldn't have this burning need to punch Betty like I do with Jim.

[ ... maybe.

he doesn't think he'd punch betty white but it's hard to tell when you are not in that exact situation. ]

[Karkat, going down in history for possibly punching Evil Betty White.]

Maybe they put Jim there on purpose, then... Looking at it like that, he takes the heat for literally everyone else.

Probably... or it makes everyone who comes after him look less bad, so people are slightly less infuriated when dealing with them?

[ which would be brilliant if true... yet still annoying.

they're probably making this Too Deep. ]

[ALMOST DEFINITELY but that sure doesn't stop them, apparently.]

I hate to say it, but that in and of itself is a pretty solid PR technique. I mean, it's still a shitty one, but it's one that more or less works.

I could appreciate it if it wasn't being used to ruin our damn lives. If they want a pay on their backs then can bend their damn arms themselves to do it.

[ he's like || this close to writing retrospec an angry letter. ]

[He would 100% encourage Karkat to do that. Start off his blog career on a great, strong, memorable foot.]

They probably pay their intern to cover stuff like that for them. ...Actually, assuming he gets paid is probably too much, huh.

There is no fucking way they pay the intern in anything but a resentment for corporations and an intense urge to switch majors.

[ in all honesty, karkat is doubtful that they pay the employees? ]

I wonder why the guy ended up with 'em, in that case. Who'd be that desperate?

[Then again, party satan himself offered to intern just to 1) cause chaos and 2) wreak havoc while info-digging, so he knows there are people out there.]

—Well, whatever. Their choice.

Maybe you get multiple college credits or something?

[ karkat would agree to intern for that. it means less classes he has to pay for?

... look, he's broke, he needs to penny pinch when he can. ]

What kinda major would credits like that even go to?

[Karkat please don't join an evil corporation to save some bucks DON'T BE MAURICE.]

What's the worst, stupidest, and most time consuming major you can think of?

[ it's that one. ]

Maybe philosophy.

[He only says this because Yamato is majoring in it...]

I guess that'd make sense?

It explains why I have such a headache dealing with all of this.

[ he has never taken a philosophy class in his life but it just seems like he kind of thing that he would end up despising. ]

Yeah, that topic does kinda give people headaches, can confirm.

[He looked at Yamato's textbook once and almost died on the spot.

BUT now that he's thinking of his dingus roommate--]

I should probably get back home so I can introduce Yasu to our new friend, anyway. Thanks again, by the way - I promise I'll take good care of him.

[He'll also definitely end up keeping the kitty instead of fostering him and giving him back, because that was his plan all along and Yamato is Weak™.]

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alienates - 2017-07-26 17:07 (UTC) - Expand