All right, I have an idea. It may be a dangerous one, but I believe options are running thin and Dave is a pain. We find an empty observatory or other room, and have URSULA lock the three of us in there. You two will be forced to discuss your issues, and I will mediate with as little bias as possible to make sure that the issues are actually discussed and you two don't end up in a merry-go-round of insults and jokes.
WHAT WOULD WE DO IF EVEN THAT DOESN'T WORK? YOU ARE LITERALLY THE ONE PERSON HE ACTUALLY EVEN REMOTELY LISTENS TO WHEN IT MATTERS SO IF YOU CAN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING THEN OK NO. I CAN'T PSYCHE MYSELF OUT BEFORE ANYTHING EVEN HAPPENS.
SURE. WHY THE FUCK NOT? NOTHING ELSE SEEMS TO BE WORKING.
Splendid. I'll make the preparations, lure Dave somewhere with apple juice, it will be great.
[ and for the SAKE OF EASE let's just say that all that occurred and jump to the fun part where dave, karkat, and poor rose are all in a nice observatory and rose is locking the door. welcome to Hell. at least there really is apple juice. ]
can he hide near rose. usually karkat is not the one hiding near rose, yet here he is. doing that. he really hopes he does not need to break up with dave with rose as a witness that's gonna be awkward?? ]
[ ...okay apparently dave was lured in by apple juice and he will. give rose a betrayed look but go and take the glass of apple juice anyway, sulkily drinking it. at least he didn't timeskip around to get out of this mostly because rose is.
he glances at her then to dave, and he is fairly certain that dave is also not going to want to start? or admit there is something they need to even start talking about. ]
Uh. So Dave is there anything you want to talk about?
[ STOP PASSING THE POTATO TO HIM dave is still glowering at rose actually. ]
Mediatin' my ass, you're meddlin'. [ and there go his gs. ] And no there isn't anythin' I wanna talk about that's why I said there wasn't anythin' I wanted to talk about?
[ like this is. going to work on rose.
sulkily drinks his juice and waits for doom i guess ]
Alright so since you apparently don't want to start I guess I will? Dave, I think we ended our last conversation in a kind of fucked up place?
[ obviously considering rose is now somehow even more involved than she was before..... which means karkat got desperate. desperate enough he is willingly talking about their relationship with a third party present. ]
And maybe discussing that kind of thing through texts was not the best idea? And by maybe I mean it wasn't. It was a stupid idea.
Wait, did you want me to stop time? Because I can but what's-her-name might notice and care?
[ dave. no. stop offering to do that. but he edges closer to rose even as she's put herself in the middle, mostly on automatic even as he continues to kind of glare at her. ]
Do...we really want to talk about this. [ no they locked themselves in here for fun ] My answers are still p much the same?
[ honestly... this actually was a lot easier to talk about when they aren't in person. at least then when there is a delay in his responses he can come up with excuses?? that luxury is not here now though. ]
I am slightly worried that you-- Dave, I mean. That you actually do want to no longer be a thing but you don't want to hurt my feelings so you're just going along with this relationship? Since it'll be less painful than just ending it, I guess.
[ rose be biased towards dave not against him...he...knows that's probably not gonna happen, fuck. dave...does not move to take off his shades, and continues to hold the glass of juice. right. ]
Idk if I would call that less painful? Than just ending it. But I already said I don't want to break up.
[ he opens his mouth, closes it, and then. just repeats the process a few times, apparently uncertain of what to say...next.
he glances at rose like she'll have an answer, but. ]
We just can't make ourselves want shit we don't want? That's...all. Why the hell is this opinion getting an intervention, oh my god.
[ technically rose's main bias is wanting dave to be happy, but she's also. technically on karkat's side? but isn't. so she's clearly, completely neutral, clearly, ]
This isn't an intervention. If it were, it'd be about your apple juice addiction.
[ that's all she adds to that KEEP TALKING, BOYS. ]
[ karkat agrees that does indeed deserve an intervention... probably at a later time. ]
Okay but like I said before I have no idea what you actually want because you get all. Dave about literally every topic that might lead into an actual serious argument?
I do not have an aj problem. [ TO ROSE, BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT.
...
so is the other part, but dave is. still not sure what the fuck to say. ]
I want to drop the topic? I... [ hate talking about shit and he's still edging closer to rose like she isn't going to just distance herself to play mediator again. after a second he stops attempting that and hunches his shoulders forward as he continues not wanting to talk.
he captchas the juice and crosses his arms instead, uneasy, and settles his gaze somewhere on the floor. rose's shoes. her absurd blue godtier shoes. ]
I don't think this argument has an endin' either of us is willin' to entertain and a deadlock's the best we're gettin'. Okay? I'm not happy, whatever, but I'll be less happy with literally every proposed solution we've come up with. Whatever perfect sunshiney happiness I assume y'all are considerin' "issue settled" is not actually an option in this equation, so can we stop discussin' it? I can deal with my bullshit feelings but I cannot deal with constantly talkin' about 'em.
Issue settled doesn't mean "perfect sunshiney happiness", necessarily, it means issue settled. Which it clearly isn't, since you're being obstinate about it, Dave. Sweeping an issue under the rug only prolongs your own torture of it being repeatedly brought up, it does not make it fine or settled or solved.
[ okay that was a little more attack-y than she meant to get but she wants the best for dave (and heck, the best for karkat too), and the best is not an unhappy stalemate, no matter what dave claims.
and as a further meddling sidenote, ]
And frankly, we know you can't just "deal" with your "bullshit" feelings-- which aren't bullshit, by the way. Feelings aren't bullshit.
[ karkat opens his mouth to argue that feelings can indeed be bullshit
and then shuts it when he realizes he would be.... ARGUING AGAINST HIS CASE THERE.... he will let this one go. ]
Also I have offered to entertain it? I was completely ready to start pulling out those long eared mammals out of hats while whistling show tunes for it. [ rabbits. he means rabbits. ] But you said no. Again. Like fucking always.
[ he's starting to wonder if going to rose was a bad idea even though technically rose came to him. but if rose flat out meddling (sorry, mediating) doesn't work then karkat isn't sure if anything will? and dave literally just flat out admitted he isn't happy!! which is something he has implied before but then danced around when called out on it, so. that's progress, or something but.
why. ]
I don't want to keep talking about this subject forever and I doubt Rose wants to keep hearing about our incredibly embarrassing relationship issues. At least, I hope not? Anyway. It's not like I enjoy beating this deceased hoofbeast over and over again. I am ready to give the damn thing a corpse party but... [ he glances at rose then back at dave. ] I feel like this is going to explode violently in our faces if we don't deal with it.
[ and be uncomfortable and unhappy and just do it for dave and he's done so many things for bro he kind of hates the notion. his shoulders hunch more and dave considers what to say but it's always easier to run and if he can't run -
he can give in. that's an option still. his mouth's in a thin line and he's still looking at the floor, but. okay. absconding never worked with bro, its not gonna work here, so the next best thing is to shut up and take it and this is probably not an analogy he should be using in any situation, but - okay. ]
Fine. [ public or not, secret or not. the problem kind of is that he genuinely doesn't want what karkat's offering and he knows he can't actually be offered what he wants, which is...dropping it or magically not wanting anything but what has. but okay. right. surrender is an option. ] Pull rabbits out of hats if you want to.
[ he forces a smile, but it's directed at. the floor. ]
You both think this is the best option.
[ okay, look up, but don't look at rose. dave uncrosses his arms and jams his hands in his pockets, raising an eyebrow. ]
[ karkat glances between rose and dave, frowning. because... dave's whole demeanor is Wrong, from his posture to his tone and karkat can only really tell because of that grossly sappy intimate way a person would know someone they're dating. ]
Or are you agreeing to... [ what is he agreeing to. karkat scratches his head, not sure how to proceed here since he wasn't actually expecting dave to say anything but no?? ] If I say I want to go public, you'll just go with it?
[ the smile becomes more genuine in an entirely false way as he forces it Better. he is still not looking at rose because he has absolutely no desire to try to out bullshit rose lalonde so he is just. banking on her being confused. and believing him because this is more or less what he implied he wanted since he didn't even actually explain it to her. oops. ]
Yeah. If that's what you want, we'll do that.
[ he will in no way be happy about it but that's okay since he wasn't happy...anyway...and is willing to be. even less happy. the issue is that he isn't happy and every solution makes him Progressively Less Happy but he's been absolutely terrible at conveying that to the point where he's starting to think maybe this is part of the being fucked up by bro and not understanding something normal people are ok with thing or something so we're just going with it. all his "can we not do x" requests are too stubborn so he should just. do x. ]
rose is just. confused. since when does dave just accept things?? since when is anything easy. this sounds illegal. does she just accept this or. squints. intense squinting. would dave just agree to something that easily? she expected they'd be here a lot longer.
she does notice he isn't looking at her even with his last statement, though, but isn't sure if making a big deal out of it would be her over-psychoanalyzing or. ]
No. [ said slowly, drawn out. ] If that settlement pleases both parties, then as a mediator I would be bound to accept it.
[ karkat is currently having the same problem as rose... as in, he can't tell if he is currently being a #worrywart or not? damn you dave, and actually... being a good fucking actor, what the hell. but as he does not know what is being said in rose's meta text, he can only believe that she thinks dave is being legit? since she didn't call him out on anything??? ]
I... guess?
[ he sounds confused because what just happened. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
All right, I have an idea. It may be a dangerous one, but I believe options are running thin and Dave is a pain.
We find an empty observatory or other room, and have URSULA lock the three of us in there. You two will be forced to discuss your issues, and I will mediate with as little bias as possible to make sure that the issues are actually discussed and you two don't end up in a merry-go-round of insults and jokes.
How does that sound?
wtf i typo'd so much in the last tag how...
YOU ARE LITERALLY THE ONE PERSON HE ACTUALLY EVEN REMOTELY LISTENS TO WHEN IT MATTERS SO IF YOU CAN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING THEN
OK NO. I CAN'T PSYCHE MYSELF OUT BEFORE ANYTHING EVEN HAPPENS.
SURE. WHY THE FUCK NOT?
NOTHING ELSE SEEMS TO BE WORKING.
i didn't even... notice...
Splendid. I'll make the preparations, lure Dave somewhere with apple juice, it will be great.
[ and for the SAKE OF EASE let's just say that all that occurred and jump to the fun part where dave, karkat, and poor rose are all in a nice observatory and rose is locking the door. welcome to Hell. at least there really is apple juice. ]
no subject
can he hide near rose. usually karkat is not the one hiding near rose, yet here he is. doing that. he really hopes he does not need to break up with dave with rose as a witness that's gonna be awkward?? ]
no subject
rose. ]
Are you meddling. [ ok we're talking to rose ig ]
no subject
she is not going to let karkat hide, though, and moves to stand firmly betweenish but away from the boys. like a referee in a wrestling match. ]
No, of course not. I'm mediating. [ clapping her hands she looks between dave and karkat. ] So, who wants to start?
no subject
he glances at her then to dave, and he is fairly certain that dave is also not going to want to start? or admit there is something they need to even start talking about. ]
Uh. So Dave is there anything you want to talk about?
[ ... no he is going to make dave start. ]
no subject
Mediatin' my ass, you're meddlin'. [ and there go his gs. ] And no there isn't anythin' I wanna talk about that's why I said there wasn't anythin' I wanted to talk about?
[ like this is. going to work on rose.
sulkily drinks his juice and waits for doom i guess ]
no subject
It doesn't matter what I'm doing. What matters is that you two talk. About nothing, if you so insist. We have plenty of time.
[ she will keep you two locked in here Forever. she will do it. ]
But, perhaps, maybe you want to discuss your relationship and your feelings so we can get back to our lives before next century's Halloween party.
no subject
Alright so since you apparently don't want to start I guess I will? Dave, I think we ended our last conversation in a kind of fucked up place?
[ obviously considering rose is now somehow even more involved than she was before..... which means karkat got desperate. desperate enough he is willingly talking about their relationship with a third party present. ]
And maybe discussing that kind of thing through texts was not the best idea? And by maybe I mean it wasn't. It was a stupid idea.
no subject
[ dave. no. stop offering to do that. but he edges closer to rose even as she's put herself in the middle, mostly on automatic even as he continues to kind of glare at her. ]
Do...we really want to talk about this. [ no they locked themselves in here for fun ] My answers are still p much the same?
no subject
Yes, you want to talk about this. In person, maybe. Perhaps discuss what your previous answers were and each other's feelings about them?
[ she's trying to just. gently prod forward the discussion without getting in the way and it's Hard. ]
no subject
I am slightly worried that you-- Dave, I mean. That you actually do want to no longer be a thing but you don't want to hurt my feelings so you're just going along with this relationship? Since it'll be less painful than just ending it, I guess.
[ oh god it sounds worse out loud. ]
no subject
Idk if I would call that less painful? Than just ending it. But I already said I don't want to break up.
[ he opens his mouth, closes it, and then. just repeats the process a few times, apparently uncertain of what to say...next.
he glances at rose like she'll have an answer, but. ]
We just can't make ourselves want shit we don't want? That's...all. Why the hell is this opinion getting an intervention, oh my god.
no subject
This isn't an intervention. If it were, it'd be about your apple juice addiction.
[ that's all she adds to that KEEP TALKING, BOYS. ]
no subject
Okay but like I said before I have no idea what you actually want because you get all. Dave about literally every topic that might lead into an actual serious argument?
no subject
...
so is the other part, but dave is. still not sure what the fuck to say. ]
I want to drop the topic? I... [ hate talking about shit and he's still edging closer to rose like she isn't going to just distance herself to play mediator again. after a second he stops attempting that and hunches his shoulders forward as he continues not wanting to talk.
he captchas the juice and crosses his arms instead, uneasy, and settles his gaze somewhere on the floor. rose's shoes. her absurd blue godtier shoes. ]
I don't think this argument has an endin' either of us is willin' to entertain and a deadlock's the best we're gettin'. Okay? I'm not happy, whatever, but I'll be less happy with literally every proposed solution we've come up with. Whatever perfect sunshiney happiness I assume y'all are considerin' "issue settled" is not actually an option in this equation, so can we stop discussin' it? I can deal with my bullshit feelings but I cannot deal with constantly talkin' about 'em.
no subject
[ okay that was a little more attack-y than she meant to get but she wants the best for dave (and heck, the best for karkat too), and the best is not an unhappy stalemate, no matter what dave claims.
and as a further meddling sidenote, ]
And frankly, we know you can't just "deal" with your "bullshit" feelings-- which aren't bullshit, by the way. Feelings aren't bullshit.
no subject
and then shuts it when he realizes he would be.... ARGUING AGAINST HIS CASE THERE.... he will let this one go. ]
Also I have offered to entertain it? I was completely ready to start pulling out those long eared mammals out of hats while whistling show tunes for it. [ rabbits. he means rabbits. ] But you said no. Again. Like fucking always.
[ he's starting to wonder if going to rose was a bad idea even though technically rose came to him. but if rose flat out meddling (sorry, mediating) doesn't work then karkat isn't sure if anything will? and dave literally just flat out admitted he isn't happy!! which is something he has implied before but then danced around when called out on it, so. that's progress, or something but.
why. ]
I don't want to keep talking about this subject forever and I doubt Rose wants to keep hearing about our incredibly embarrassing relationship issues. At least, I hope not? Anyway. It's not like I enjoy beating this deceased hoofbeast over and over again. I am ready to give the damn thing a corpse party but... [ he glances at rose then back at dave. ] I feel like this is going to explode violently in our faces if we don't deal with it.
no subject
[ and be uncomfortable and unhappy and just do it for dave and he's done so many things for bro he kind of hates the notion. his shoulders hunch more and dave considers what to say but it's always easier to run and if he can't run -
he can give in. that's an option still. his mouth's in a thin line and he's still looking at the floor, but. okay. absconding never worked with bro, its not gonna work here, so the next best thing is to shut up and take it and this is probably not an analogy he should be using in any situation, but - okay. ]
Fine. [ public or not, secret or not. the problem kind of is that he genuinely doesn't want what karkat's offering and he knows he can't actually be offered what he wants, which is...dropping it or magically not wanting anything but what has. but okay. right. surrender is an option. ] Pull rabbits out of hats if you want to.
[ he forces a smile, but it's directed at. the floor. ]
You both think this is the best option.
[ okay, look up, but don't look at rose. dave uncrosses his arms and jams his hands in his pockets, raising an eyebrow. ]
You're probably right. You can't both be wrong.
no subject
and no she doesn't want to hear about your relationship issues forever. being awoken at 2am for them was the breaking point really. ]
So, you're agreeing to... discuss the issue? Are we now discussing the issue? That would be good.
no subject
Or are you agreeing to... [ what is he agreeing to. karkat scratches his head, not sure how to proceed here since he wasn't actually expecting dave to say anything but no?? ] If I say I want to go public, you'll just go with it?
[ is that... what he means...... ]
no subject
Yeah. If that's what you want, we'll do that.
[ he will in no way be happy about it but that's okay since he wasn't happy...anyway...and is willing to be. even less happy. the issue is that he isn't happy and every solution makes him Progressively Less Happy but he's been absolutely terrible at conveying that to the point where he's starting to think maybe this is part of the being fucked up by bro and not understanding something normal people are ok with thing or something so we're just going with it. all his "can we not do x" requests are too stubborn so he should just. do x. ]
Got an issue with that settlement, Lalonde?
no subject
rose is just. confused. since when does dave just accept things?? since when is anything easy. this sounds illegal. does she just accept this or. squints. intense squinting. would dave just agree to something that easily? she expected they'd be here a lot longer.
she does notice he isn't looking at her even with his last statement, though, but isn't sure if making a big deal out of it would be her over-psychoanalyzing or. ]
No. [ said slowly, drawn out. ] If that settlement pleases both parties, then as a mediator I would be bound to accept it.
[ looks at karkat. are you pleased, karkat. ]
no subject
I... guess?
[ he sounds confused because what just happened. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)