No, I mean - what happened after you bled in front of Rin and finished freaking.
[ he doesn't answer "why should you care" because the fact it's even asked is kind of. soul crushing in the same way dave copping to not being happy was for karkat. they're very good at this. ]
[ like maybe that isn't all right but dave is just. closing the case since there's no way he's touching the why should you care with a ten foot pole. ]
If I let you pick something instead of Ghostbusters, can we just...acknowledge I have negative feelings and am not sharing them and you get hurt and won't share that and like, move on to watching dumb chick flicks?
[ mostly he sounds tired at this point although also. he did fly for six hours that is still a thing. ]
I think that if it's something huge though, you should share it? If I get my arm cut off or something, it's not like I could fucking hide that from you? Like. I do acknowledge that you shouldn't share every bad thought with me since those are your thoughts, I just think that if the mentioned thought is something that might fuck us both over, it is something I should know? I am pretty sure that is a fair thing to expect?
[ and honestly the... why should you care is more karkat being baffled at people just. caring about that kind of thing in general? like, he has always been fairly emotional when it came to his friends getting hurt, and while he thinks that some of the other trolls also felt that way, they never really showed it? maybe because they wanted to try to fit into a society that told them they shouldn't care too much because only the strong will survive and all that.
so. karkat is used to brushing off his own injuries? he might get overdramatic about it just for the sake of it, but he wouldn't expect anyone to react to it. it's weird. ]
So you'll tell me if your arm gets off since you can't hide that, but will presumably still hide any injuries that aren't obvious.
[ although maybe expecting to be told about that kind of thing is...unfair? maybe that is asking too much. it's not like he also didn't know karkat would hide that sort of thing from the get go, so is it actually fair to expect him to let dave know when he's hurt? it's kind of like how he's pretty sure telling karkat he wanted to date openly someday was Unfair.
...it probably doesn't matter. he drops the argument. ]
Forget about it, that doesn't matter. Just keep doing what you want. About the thing we were talking about before: it's not going to fuck us over if I say nothing, but it might if I do. Look, just - I guess I kind of had some stupid idea that things would happen for the right reasons eventually and I know we kind of already fucked that over so it won't be a thing but if I actually say it flat out it's going to be for sure 100% never gonna happen like that. And I will hate myself. I mean, I already do. But I have absolutely no right to say the things I think.
[ that sounds more like resignation because it...is. he won't ask karkat to tell him the truth about anything in exchange for the truth he doesn't want to say. he's filing it under "shit i am probably wrong to want" and locking it away with everything else. ]
But it's only fair if I tell you I'm unhappy, right? Yeah. Okay. That's true. I'm happy sometimes? But sure, some stuff hurts.
[ this is all the opposite of what karkat wanted. he kind of just stares blankly for a moment, wondering how the fuck did they go from his first text to dave today to. this? he might be panicking, slightly. ]
I'll tell you when I get injured. I'll give you an essay every time I get a paper cut. I just-- what I was saying before, about the blood thing. It's something that bothers me and makes me uncomfortable but I am trying to get over that. But with the whole-- not wanting to go public thing. What if, I might want to actually do it? But you keep telling me that it won't ever happen, but how the fuck do you even know that?
[ he shifts his position, so that he's now just leaning over dave. ]
You are not the only person here who is fucking everything up by what you do or don't say. Look, I'm doing it right now? And maybe the shit you have bottled up is going to hurt me, but I don't think it'll hurt any worse than it does right now?
[ dave moves his arms so they aren't crossed over his face any longer and just examines karkat. like. he's pretty sure it will hurt worse? and he doesn't buy the injury thing, or really the rest of it, but he does reach out a hand to trace one of karkat's cheekbones. he debates pulling him down for a kiss but that seems really final and also a little bit too desperate.
he lets his hand drop. ]
Because you never have? Because you sounded like you were signing your own death warrant when we talked about it? Because maybe it really kinda fuckin' hurts when you flinch away or panic and look around to see if anyone noticed or clearly feel a bunch of dread towards the whole concept of admittin' to anyone we're datin'? Because I'm pretty sure it's gonna hurt worse for me for you to be doin' all of that while you try to get used to it? Because it's a thing to, I don't know, bear. And maybe it's fucked up I was even remotely worried about how much it'd hurt me?
[ to put up with. because honestly dave isn't sure that's so far off the mark. there is not any real tangible benefit to dating him that he's aware of other than his dubious grasp on how to relationship.
he pushes karkat away from leaning over him so he can roll off the bed and onto his feet, before he takes dirk's advice and says the rest of it in a tone of utter flat reluctance and directed more at the floor than anything else. ]
Because I really, really can't stand that you can do datin' shit with literally everyone but me, and now you'll try to do it only because I said that, and not because you ever had any desire to like, do any of it with me. You can literally raise a crab-child with another guy or have pillow talk with Jake or like a thousand other things you would never even consider doin' with me, Karkat. And absolutely none of that is anything I should have ever said to you, so, you know, congrats. You win one shitty human being.
[ yeah he was right he hates himself more now, this is fine ]
[ this is one of those rare times where karkat is left absolutely speechless. and yes, dave had been right about more than one thing-- that all hurt, like he just had a knife shoved through his chest. multiple times. and for a few seconds all he can really focus on is the fact that he doesn't understand why dave is calling himself the shitty one when karkat has done? all of this to him??
holy shit. he is truly the worst. ]
I. [ yeah he still doesn't know how to react to any of that. ] I'm sorry.
Again: not your fault. Literally all of that is stuff I need to learn to deal with and shouldn't have said. I didn't want to say any of the shit that was buggin' me to Dirk, either.
[ but he'd ended up doing it and dirk doesn't seem upset so maybe that was okay. or he told dirk at least that he was worried he was failing somehow because he's pretty much not who bro wanted him to be, super dying skills aside. ]
I didn't want to tell you any of it because none of it is fair of me to think or feel or say. So can we just consider it, like, case closed? That's pretty much of all of it, I think, I don't know. There's probably something Bro related I'm forgetting but there's thirteen years of Bro shit and honestly I don't really want to waste time thinkin' about the guy sometimes. I'm working on the whole feeling crappy about shit that shouldn't bug me thing, so it's fine.
Oh my fuck, accept my apology? Literally anyone would feel like shit after all of that. No one would want the person they're dating to... do anything that you just said. It's not like, stuff that shouldn't bug you or things you shouldn't feel? I have legitimately been upsetting you for who the fuck even knows how long.
[ like... karkat accepts a lot of blame that does not actually fall on his shoulders, but he feels. very much responsible for this. he has made dave feel like crap, end of story. ]
Ok no this is why I didn't want to tell you I even said so? [ like in addition to making himself feel bad he didn't want karkat to feel bad because it's all on dave? ]
This isn't shit that should actually bug me, at all, it's stupid? You should be able to do literally all of that without me getting weird about it.
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[ sure there was probably a point in there but let's focus real quick on the point that is most relevant to dave's interests???????? ]
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[ dave like. this doesn't matter, let's mosey back onto the topic at hand. ]
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[ DAVE: HAVE ISSUES MOVING ON FROM THE TOPIC OF KARKAT GETTING BITTEN BY A SHARK ]
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[ it's fine?? he lived???? ]
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[ no??? that's not fine??? ]
Why did you - never mind, just. Tell me when you get injured?
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[ wow karkat does not like it when the focus shifts on him instead of on dave???? this is rude. ]
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[ like, honestly. ]
Why're you allowed to ask me to tell you shit but you get to hide that kind of thing, too?
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[ even karkat knows that argument is weak though. ]
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[ how did they get onto the topic of karkat ]
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Okay but me getting bitten by a shark isn't going to make me change how I interact with other people?
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[ he just doesn't...share...his innermost feelings. although. he tried with rose and dirk off and on he just keeps fucking it up. ]
But be fair, dude. Are you really going to start telling me about that shit?
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Honestly the shark thing kind of happened during the whole. Puppet saga, so I kind of didn't want to add anything unnecessary to that clusterfuck?
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What happened after?
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[ karkat "i am ok with getting stabbed multiple times" vantas
although in his defense, he does come from a culture where maiming your friends is a thing so like. ] ]
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[ he doesn't answer "why should you care" because the fact it's even asked is kind of. soul crushing in the same way dave copping to not being happy was for karkat. they're very good at this. ]
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[ so, rin is responsible, at least. karkat would have probably just gone to his room otherwise. ]
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[ like maybe that isn't all right but dave is just. closing the case since there's no way he's touching the why should you care with a ten foot pole. ]
If I let you pick something instead of Ghostbusters, can we just...acknowledge I have negative feelings and am not sharing them and you get hurt and won't share that and like, move on to watching dumb chick flicks?
[ mostly he sounds tired at this point although also. he did fly for six hours that is still a thing. ]
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[ and honestly the... why should you care is more karkat being baffled at people just. caring about that kind of thing in general? like, he has always been fairly emotional when it came to his friends getting hurt, and while he thinks that some of the other trolls also felt that way, they never really showed it? maybe because they wanted to try to fit into a society that told them they shouldn't care too much because only the strong will survive and all that.
so. karkat is used to brushing off his own injuries? he might get overdramatic about it just for the sake of it, but he wouldn't expect anyone to react to it. it's weird. ]
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[ although maybe expecting to be told about that kind of thing is...unfair? maybe that is asking too much. it's not like he also didn't know karkat would hide that sort of thing from the get go, so is it actually fair to expect him to let dave know when he's hurt? it's kind of like how he's pretty sure telling karkat he wanted to date openly someday was Unfair.
...it probably doesn't matter. he drops the argument. ]
Forget about it, that doesn't matter. Just keep doing what you want. About the thing we were talking about before: it's not going to fuck us over if I say nothing, but it might if I do. Look, just - I guess I kind of had some stupid idea that things would happen for the right reasons eventually and I know we kind of already fucked that over so it won't be a thing but if I actually say it flat out it's going to be for sure 100% never gonna happen like that. And I will hate myself. I mean, I already do. But I have absolutely no right to say the things I think.
[ that sounds more like resignation because it...is. he won't ask karkat to tell him the truth about anything in exchange for the truth he doesn't want to say. he's filing it under "shit i am probably wrong to want" and locking it away with everything else. ]
But it's only fair if I tell you I'm unhappy, right? Yeah. Okay. That's true. I'm happy sometimes? But sure, some stuff hurts.
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I'll tell you when I get injured. I'll give you an essay every time I get a paper cut. I just-- what I was saying before, about the blood thing. It's something that bothers me and makes me uncomfortable but I am trying to get over that. But with the whole-- not wanting to go public thing. What if, I might want to actually do it? But you keep telling me that it won't ever happen, but how the fuck do you even know that?
[ he shifts his position, so that he's now just leaning over dave. ]
You are not the only person here who is fucking everything up by what you do or don't say. Look, I'm doing it right now? And maybe the shit you have bottled up is going to hurt me, but I don't think it'll hurt any worse than it does right now?
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he lets his hand drop. ]
Because you never have? Because you sounded like you were signing your own death warrant when we talked about it? Because maybe it really kinda fuckin' hurts when you flinch away or panic and look around to see if anyone noticed or clearly feel a bunch of dread towards the whole concept of admittin' to anyone we're datin'? Because I'm pretty sure it's gonna hurt worse for me for you to be doin' all of that while you try to get used to it? Because it's a thing to, I don't know, bear. And maybe it's fucked up I was even remotely worried about how much it'd hurt me?
[ to put up with. because honestly dave isn't sure that's so far off the mark. there is not any real tangible benefit to dating him that he's aware of other than his dubious grasp on how to relationship.
he pushes karkat away from leaning over him so he can roll off the bed and onto his feet, before he takes dirk's advice and says the rest of it in a tone of utter flat reluctance and directed more at the floor than anything else. ]
Because I really, really can't stand that you can do datin' shit with literally everyone but me, and now you'll try to do it only because I said that, and not because you ever had any desire to like, do any of it with me. You can literally raise a crab-child with another guy or have pillow talk with Jake or like a thousand other things you would never even consider doin' with me, Karkat. And absolutely none of that is anything I should have ever said to you, so, you know, congrats. You win one shitty human being.
[ yeah he was right he hates himself more now, this is fine ]
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holy shit. he is truly the worst. ]
I. [ yeah he still doesn't know how to react to any of that. ] I'm sorry.
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[ but he'd ended up doing it and dirk doesn't seem upset so maybe that was okay. or he told dirk at least that he was worried he was failing somehow because he's pretty much not who bro wanted him to be, super dying skills aside. ]
I didn't want to tell you any of it because none of it is fair of me to think or feel or say. So can we just consider it, like, case closed? That's pretty much of all of it, I think, I don't know. There's probably something Bro related I'm forgetting but there's thirteen years of Bro shit and honestly I don't really want to waste time thinkin' about the guy sometimes. I'm working on the whole feeling crappy about shit that shouldn't bug me thing, so it's fine.
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[ like... karkat accepts a lot of blame that does not actually fall on his shoulders, but he feels. very much responsible for this. he has made dave feel like crap, end of story. ]
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This isn't shit that should actually bug me, at all, it's stupid? You should be able to do literally all of that without me getting weird about it.
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