[ it's a fear he knows very well, even before he came here. he still remembers watching his friends die, and while some were okay after, he can still reimagine that utter terror and sadness that had hit him. he remembers when they went to their respective boss battles and how he worried for his friends, especially dave, and that they'll all come out okay.
the difference there, at least, is that karkat more or less knew what what going on during the game. while they definitely did break the mechanics of it a lot, they still had a general idea? here though... not so much. ]
That probably won't really go away. [ NOT VERY INSPIRING BUT ] You just have to believe that it'll work out I guess.
[another moment or two of silence, and then Rin leans up off the crab. He passes it back to Karkat, a little stupidly solemn for someone handling a crab plush. Nevertheless, with red eyes heavy on his friend;]
Can you remind me to believe that? When I forget or freak out or... want to quit?
[ he takes the crab back and sets it on his lap. he does not lean against it like rin did but he does play with one of the lil claws. very serious moment here. ]
[Rin snorts a laugh, and smiles crookedly at Karkat. He then places his head for a moment on his shoulder (trade away one crab to lean on for another), and takes another one of those deep breaths. It's hard to calm down when you're the red one, but weirdly, Karkat of the world's most stressful presence, helps with that]
[he almost asks, Edward Cullen? But then infers the less stupid question]
Not yet. I wanted to ask you if it was okay first.
[he does recall the shroud of secrecy Karkat prefers to impose on his personal relationships, after all. Rin himself is rather private, but not amongst his friends, necessarily]
[He adds]
I did mention it to Kanaya, though. To get some practical advice.
[gestures to the Pile, etc]
Sorry if that was outta line, I just wanted to go all out.
[ he's relieved that he didn't tell makoto without asking him first. a little embarrassed about the kanaya thing, but karkat doesn't mind her knowing. ]
You need to tell him. And tell me how he reacts.
[ because karkat is pretty sure dave is Upset about it but he won't actually tell karkat that he is Upset? and karkat knows that makoto doesn't like him..... ]
[ karkat is pretty sure that telling rin that makoto is in love with him and also jealous of karkat is a bad move??? like. that is a bad idea so he is gonna steer away from that ]
Iiiiii am not really his favorite person? And he might get the wrong idea about this, since most of the base don't get how quadrants work.
[ he opens his mouth to add something else but then changes his mind. ]
[catches that, prompting as Karkat closes his mouth again;]
-- What?
[and rustles around this dumb pile, pulling out one of the Quadrants And You sheets. he smooths it out over his knee, clearly thinking this will be an aid to talk to Makoto, and avoid the misunderstanding (that he isn't eager for Makoto to make either, given -- well, how things have sort of been with Makoto, lately)]
I'm not really sure yet. I definitely understand the theory, thanks to you, but I'm still working on practical application. [he's not quite understanding the intersection of Feelings Jams, Piles, and why Karkat cried, for example] It -- feels kind of like when I first moved abroad. I'm figuring out another culture's interpersonal rules while I'm already knee-deep in them, probably fucking some up.
[Rin's a huge nerd]
It didn't go so well for me last time, but I'm more prepared this time around. I wouldn't have said yes if I didn't think I could handle it, or that I'd end up hurting you.
[realizing he's Over-Explaining, which he tends to do when he's a little nervous or unsure, he boils it down;]
I'll just be honest and try to make him understand, I guess. And answer his questions.
Like I said, I'm about 91% sure it'll go over fine. I'll make sure he doesn't get the wrong idea.
[...]
And I kind of doubt Makoto even has a least favourite person. I can understand why you guys got a weird vibe, maybe -- he's just not that confrontational.
[Rin doesn't connect to Makoto through competition and aggression, which is -- nice. maybe Makoto doesn't know how to deal with Karkat's overall loud-mouth cranky shit; maybe Makoto's too passive for an active guy like Karkat to fully get. he wonders if maybe it's a case of misunderstanding, between the two of them -- because how could two people Rin likes so much not like one another? unacceptable]
[ yeah karkat is just flat out not going to point out the makoto is jealous thing there. if anyone has the right to tell rin, it's makoto himself? and that would require... stuff...
Yeah. Next door neighbours -- they grew up together, from practically babies. I was the annoying transfer kid, when we were about 10.
[Rin shakes his head, not really sure why -- he feels uncomfortable. probably because the way Makoto and Haru work as friends is still kind of a mystery to him; he also doesn't quite know what Makoto needs. it seems like he's managing better than Rin, but who the hell knows?]
Makoto's different than me. He doesn't -- [cry] -- express what he's feeling, all that much. Plus I think he's more optimistic about what might have happened.
[ yeah karkat can't even begin to guess about this. almost all of his interactions with makoto have at least a hint of hostility in it, even if it's over something dumb like the tv remote. so thinking of the guy being genuinely upset like this is... hard... ]
Maybe he feels better because he has you? [ that's gay ]
I just told you I spent the first couple days sneaking off to stare at the ocean and break down in front of our mutual friends. I don't know how much of a stellar job I'm doing.
[a huff of a sigh, and Rin leans back in the blankets. okay, he's starting to understand the physical aspect of this a little -- it is pretty cozy, sitting in all this fleece and fluff, if he ignores the stupid cover of New Moon near his left hand]
[ it's not that karkat has it out for makoto or that there's really anything in particular that he really dislikes? they just don't get along, and normally that would be completely fine if rin wasn't a factor here. ]
[that startles a snort out of him, followed by some chuckles]
What's your deal with me, then?
[he grins, thinking it's -- kind of funny. he never thought Karkat was anything but a fun person, really; Rin remembers getting into a stupid bet with him on the very first day they met, over something dumb. it's a good memory, and he can't recall thinking Karkat was the mean person he always makes himself out to be]
You are an anomaly that has all three scientists that are on the planet baffled. They are still running tests right now to figure out this mysterious deal.
[ also this is a belated fuck you don't disrespect new moon?? ]
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the difference there, at least, is that karkat more or less knew what what going on during the game. while they definitely did break the mechanics of it a lot, they still had a general idea? here though... not so much. ]
That probably won't really go away. [ NOT VERY INSPIRING BUT ] You just have to believe that it'll work out I guess.
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Can you remind me to believe that? When I forget or freak out or... want to quit?
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[ he takes the crab back and sets it on his lap. he does not lean against it like rin did but he does play with one of the lil claws. very serious moment here. ]
Just let me know when you need me to.
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[He then lifts his head, asking]
Did Edward Cullen really have to be in the pile?
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[ karkat is more team jacob but the point still stands. ]
Have you mentioned this to Makoto?
[ he means the whole... moirails thing. ]
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Not yet. I wanted to ask you if it was okay first.
[he does recall the shroud of secrecy Karkat prefers to impose on his personal relationships, after all. Rin himself is rather private, but not amongst his friends, necessarily]
[He adds]
I did mention it to Kanaya, though. To get some practical advice.
[gestures to the Pile, etc]
Sorry if that was outta line, I just wanted to go all out.
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You need to tell him. And tell me how he reacts.
[ because karkat is pretty sure dave is Upset about it but he won't actually tell karkat that he is Upset? and karkat knows that makoto doesn't like him..... ]
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[putting his cheek in his hand, Rin studies Karkat's face, thinking that there's something more to that request. Well, first thing is first]
He already knows I'm into guys. I'm -- a little out of my depth, maybe, but thinking it'll be alright. Makoto's a really good guy.
[a smile, thinking on Makoto]
He supports his friends in what makes them happy. That's the kind of guy he is.
[he does need to ask, he supposes]
Is there something you're worried about, with him?
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Iiiiii am not really his favorite person? And he might get the wrong idea about this, since most of the base don't get how quadrants work.
[ he opens his mouth to add something else but then changes his mind. ]
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-- What?
[and rustles around this dumb pile, pulling out one of the Quadrants And You sheets. he smooths it out over his knee, clearly thinking this will be an aid to talk to Makoto, and avoid the misunderstanding (that he isn't eager for Makoto to make either, given -- well, how things have sort of been with Makoto, lately)]
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there are a couple of things he want to say, so he'll go with the easiest. ]
What do you plan on telling him?
[ go through it step by step then. ]
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I'm not really sure yet. I definitely understand the theory, thanks to you, but I'm still working on practical application. [he's not quite understanding the intersection of Feelings Jams, Piles, and why Karkat cried, for example] It -- feels kind of like when I first moved abroad. I'm figuring out another culture's interpersonal rules while I'm already knee-deep in them, probably fucking some up.
[Rin's a huge nerd]
It didn't go so well for me last time, but I'm more prepared this time around. I wouldn't have said yes if I didn't think I could handle it, or that I'd end up hurting you.
[realizing he's Over-Explaining, which he tends to do when he's a little nervous or unsure, he boils it down;]
I'll just be honest and try to make him understand, I guess. And answer his questions.
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[ he'll end this if makoto is unhappy? karkat already completely fucked over his relationship and he doesn't want to fuck over rin and makoto's. ]
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[...]
And I kind of doubt Makoto even has a least favourite person. I can understand why you guys got a weird vibe, maybe -- he's just not that confrontational.
[Rin doesn't connect to Makoto through competition and aggression, which is -- nice. maybe Makoto doesn't know how to deal with Karkat's overall loud-mouth cranky shit; maybe Makoto's too passive for an active guy like Karkat to fully get. he wonders if maybe it's a case of misunderstanding, between the two of them -- because how could two people Rin likes so much not like one another? unacceptable]
Don't worry so much.
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SUBJECT CHANGE ]
How's he dealing with the Haru thing?
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Uh. He's -- alright, I guess. I'm not that sure. He's hard to read about stuff like that, most of the time.
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[ karkat did not spend much time with either of them, but he knows that much, at least. and if rin is this emotional over it then... ]
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[Rin shakes his head, not really sure why -- he feels uncomfortable. probably because the way Makoto and Haru work as friends is still kind of a mystery to him; he also doesn't quite know what Makoto needs. it seems like he's managing better than Rin, but who the hell knows?]
Makoto's different than me. He doesn't -- [cry] -- express what he's feeling, all that much. Plus I think he's more optimistic about what might have happened.
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[ yeah karkat can't even begin to guess about this. almost all of his interactions with makoto have at least a hint of hostility in it, even if it's over something dumb like the tv remote. so thinking of the guy being genuinely upset like this is... hard... ]
Maybe he feels better because he has you? [ that's gay ]
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[a huff of a sigh, and Rin leans back in the blankets. okay, he's starting to understand the physical aspect of this a little -- it is pretty cozy, sitting in all this fleece and fluff, if he ignores the stupid cover of New Moon near his left hand]
What's your deal with him, anyway?
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[ it's not that karkat has it out for makoto or that there's really anything in particular that he really dislikes? they just don't get along, and normally that would be completely fine if rin wasn't a factor here. ]
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What's your deal with me, then?
[he grins, thinking it's -- kind of funny. he never thought Karkat was anything but a fun person, really; Rin remembers getting into a stupid bet with him on the very first day they met, over something dumb. it's a good memory, and he can't recall thinking Karkat was the mean person he always makes himself out to be]
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[ also this is a belated fuck you don't disrespect new moon?? ]
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Good luck to them. As an aspiring Olympian, I'm anything but standard.
[he rolls his shoulders, easy and cocky]
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You sure do deserve a gold medal but managing not to barf after saying things like that.
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