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[alienates]

KARKAT VANTAS

I probably do not give a fuck.

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

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[sharplydressed]

sure!
i'll put the hospital on speed dial jic
want to meet up at the park entrance closest to the woods?

[alienates]

Yeah that works.
See you in a bit.
Also I would prefer if you just took me to the hospital in one of the carts, ambulances are expensive as fuck.

[sharplydressed]

oh sure i can do that
leave it to me!

[REASSURING...

But Kiyomitsu will be at the designated meeting point at the designated time, carrying a little backpack where he's keeping extra treats for V the chocobo who they have to go adventuring in the woods to fetch.]

[alienates]

[ there are too many parts of this plan that are Suspect™

but karkat will show up not long after kiyomitsu does. he's ready to possibly die, lads. ]

Where's Chicken Little?

[sharplydressed]

[At least he'll die memorably(!??!) if he's gotta bite it at all.]

He's out in the woods. We keep him there so he has lots of room to run around without being cooped up in someone's yard or house or whatever.

[GESTURING and then turning to head out that way. Adventure time, come on grab your Karkats...]

[alienates]

[ he'll follow along, hands shoved in his pockets. ]

And he doesn't wander out of the woods? Like you don't stop by at the store to pick up some milk and there's your chocobo wandering around aisle five?

[sharplydressed]

Nope! V seems pretty happy out here, honestly.

[He says this now, but one day he's going to wake up and V will have busted into his apartment or something.

That said, he'll start shaking his little food bag once they get far enough into the woods that it's hard to see Civilization.]

V! C'mere, V! We got a new friend who wants to say hiii!

[SILENCE.......

And then some ominous rustling in the distance. A few moments later, a grey chocobo pops out of the bushes with an enthused wark! and trundles on over.]

[alienates]

[ karkat is somewhat surprised that the chocobo doesn't look flashier. he isn't sure what "flashier" would mean in this regard, like maybe wearing a chocobo sized hat or something.

he also obviously does not hang around chocobos that much considering he just instinctively backs away???? ]

That sure is a chocobo.

[sharplydressed]

[OH, IT DID... Once upon a time, when blue and green were real colors.]

Yep! [JUST "YEP". V seems very friendly at least, immediately flouncing over and nosing (or beaking??) at Kashuu's arm and hands.]

Hold on, hold on. Hey— D'you wanna feed him, too?

[alienates]

[ that sounds horrifying, but karkat doesn't want to seem like he is terrified of a chocobo? that's lame and also it'll be hard to race something that you're convinced is going to peck out your eyeballs. ]

Sure but if he bites my finger off we're fighting.

[sharplydressed]

I'll let you chop off one of my fingers to be even. Fair?

[Clearly he doesn't believe this is an actual threat... Just look at V! He's got those big ol' funky chocobo eyes full of wonder and no murderous intent!

After a little rummaging, Kashuu pulls a banana and a bar of oats from his bag.]

Here, take your pick.

[alienates]

It'll take the banana since it's long.

[ he means that he can hold it further from his body than he can the oats but it came out stupid. ]

[sharplydressed]

[That seems to be a trademark move of Karkat's... He'll helpfully hold the banana out to drop into his hands, though.]

Then you can go second! Bananas are the dessert, he's gotta eat his oats first.

[To be fair, V seems very okay with this arrangement and immediately swipes the bar from his hand as soon as he even vaguely turns toward V. A HUNGRY CHOCOBO.]

[alienates]

[ OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT SWIPE, KARKAT IS GOING TO DIE

he watches v eat... appreciating all the various uses he has for all ten of his fingers... ]

Your bird has terrible table manners.

[sharplydressed]

[HE'S A FAST AND HUNGRY BIRD.]

Hey! Don't be mean to V, his feelings are very delicate.

[V looks like he doesn't give a shit. Possibly because he's too busy eying the banana in Karkat's hand... At least he's polite enough to wait and see if it's offered to him instead of immediately bowling Karkat down to get at it!]

[alienates]

He doesn't look like he give a fuck, Kashuu.

[ karkat has no problems with pointing that out.

he will... unpeel the banana, and then slowly... hold his hand out. so very slowly. ]

[sharplydressed]

He does, he's just good at hiding it.

[No, Kashuu, no...

Anyway V is immediately darting over to bite the top half of that banana right out of Karkat's hands. He warks happily! And doesn't even nab any fingers!! What a good chocobo.]

[alienates]

Oh my god.

[ HE ATE THAT SO QUICKLY?? karkat is shooketh. ]

Does he always eat that fast?

[sharplydressed]

Yep! He likes food a lot.

[Kashuu seems vaguely proud, somehow... He'll pat V's neck, too, as if to say "your appetite is truly impressive and I'm glad we stole you from that rando's backyard."]

You wanna pet him before we get to the race?

[alienates]

[ he makes a face as if that is the opposite of a thing he'd like to do? but also, he can't back down... since kashuu did it... it'd feel like losing.

so he sucks it up and... carefully... pat. pat pat pat. ]

Ohhh my god.

[sharplydressed]

[THIS ISN'T A COMPETITION, KARKAT...

But V seems happy for the extra attention, if nothing else. He has soft plumage, too! Despite living in the forest, Baren and Kashuu do take very good care of him.]

Not so bad, right?

[alienates]

[ everything is a competition if you try hard enough.

but he will give v a few more pats before pulling away, still not entirely convinced that he's not going to have the most embarrassing death of all time. ]

He's fine. [ TSUN ]

[sharplydressed]

[V seems more interested in the lingering banana smell on Karkat's hands than on his fingers, if that's any consolation at all...]

You should've seen him when we first got him! He's basically the color of a peacock. Pretty, right?

[Patting poor V...]

It's okay though, you're still pretty now.

[alienates]

Oh, so he's a victim of the Great Color Depression? That makes sense.

[ he did expect v to look flashier, after all. ]

Is he ready for racing?

[sharplydressed]

Yeah, it was seriously a tragedy.

[Baren texted him at ass o'clock screaming, they had a real crisis...

THAT SAID:]

Yep! He's had a snack so he's good to go, right? [Asking V as if V understands... V seems to be in a great mood! He doesn't know what's going on at any given time, probably, but at least he's good-spirited about it.]

Foot race first, then? We'll need to pick a starting line... [...] Actually, we should probably find a clearing so we don't trip over some branches and die or something. There's one out that way just a little--

[POINTING and then gesturing for this wayward team to follow. V happily does! Good thing Kashuu knows where he's going and they'll actually come across a clearing in a few moments.]