We might as well just go full conspiracy theorist and say this entire town is just some weird cover front for a secret evil organization and everything we do is lining their pockets. At least that way we won't be surprised if more weird stuff comes up.
Everything is orchestrated to make us believe that this place is normal, when it never has been, so that when the weird shit starts happen we're all shocked but it turns out it's always been a fuckhole.
[ yeah he'll still be surprised too despite. all of this. ]
Fucking seriously. Nowhere else seems to be having this problem actually. If you check the internet, you don't see people who live elsewhere talk about it.
[ why did they have to choose the one weirdo city. ]
Pretty spooky when you think about it, right? But if other places were having the same problem, we probably wouldn't know about it anyway 'cause they'd be in the exact same situation with everyone else thinking they're nuts.
[He almost hopes there's some other weirdo city out there somewhere but he also wouldn't want to wish Retrospec on anyone else...]
Jesus, you're right about that. You know, maybe Retrospec could even be blocking shit to make sure that if there are other places they're fucking with, we can't contact them.
[ it's a farfetched theory but the whole situation is absurd that he can't even rule it out. ]
Like some big firewall we don't even know about? I'd believe it. Maybe they've put filters on all our stuff that replace things like "help me Retrospec is ruining my life" with "top ten workout routines that'll blow your mind!" or whatever.
[They're really unraveling the mysteries of Retrospec here. Jim's gonna come down out of the sky at any second to arrest them for being too smart.]
They'd probably make the routines really fucking stupid so not only will we get no help, but whoever reads the post will think we're the worst clickbait they have ever seen.
There's something extra evil about guys who won't even let us get away without small annoyances too, you know? Like how I'm sure Janet's probably the most evil person on staff but I hate Jim more just 'cause he's so annoying.
[Why... Why is he this way. At least he's honest, for what little that's worth??]
Honestly? Goddamn same. Janet could be the damn mastermind but as long as her personality is even a little better than Jim's she's still better than he is.
[ this is very backwards logic, but yeah. at least they're not hiding it? ]
[THIS IS THE WORST LOGIC Jim's probably either judging them, laughing, or both at the same time.]
They'd do a lot better if they actually hired a decent PR team. Like, just imagine if they had someone working there who didn't talk down at us like we're a bunch of idiots.
[Fair on Jim's part though honestly because they are a bunch of idiots.]
People would probably hate them slightly less. I mean, just slightly. I'd still hate them even if they had Betty White as their spokesperson, but I wouldn't have this burning need to punch Betty like I do with Jim.
[ ... maybe.
he doesn't think he'd punch betty white but it's hard to tell when you are not in that exact situation. ]
I could appreciate it if it wasn't being used to ruin our damn lives. If they want a pay on their backs then can bend their damn arms themselves to do it.
[ he's like || this close to writing retrospec an angry letter. ]
I wonder why the guy ended up with 'em, in that case. Who'd be that desperate?
[Then again, party satan himself offered to intern just to 1) cause chaos and 2) wreak havoc while info-digging, so he knows there are people out there.]
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[Why are they team protag now...]
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It's even worse since it means we're giving Retrospec thousands of dollars... no wonder the dumb app is free.
[ stop talking as if this is all a proven fact and not something you just made up. ]
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[Sighing and shaking his head! What a tragedy that they just made up on the spot.]
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[ ...... ]
I... think?
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[No, he'll definitely still be surprised...]
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[ yeah he'll still be surprised too despite. all of this. ]
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[Shaking his head... What a tragedy. The saddest story ever told.]
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[ why did they have to choose the one weirdo city. ]
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[He almost hopes there's some other weirdo city out there somewhere but he also wouldn't want to wish Retrospec on anyone else...]
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[ it's a farfetched theory but the whole situation is absurd that he can't even rule it out. ]
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[They're really unraveling the mysteries of Retrospec here. Jim's gonna come down out of the sky at any second to arrest them for being too smart.]
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[ which seems like the worst part of it all. ]
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Like the big evils they stick us with aren't bad enough...
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[ you don't even know if they're actually doing these things that you're claiming they are. god. ]
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[Why... Why is he this way. At least he's honest, for what little that's worth??]
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[ this is very backwards logic, but yeah. at least they're not hiding it? ]
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They'd do a lot better if they actually hired a decent PR team. Like, just imagine if they had someone working there who didn't talk down at us like we're a bunch of idiots.
[Fair on Jim's part though honestly because they are a bunch of idiots.]
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[ ... maybe.
he doesn't think he'd punch betty white but it's hard to tell when you are not in that exact situation. ]
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Maybe they put Jim there on purpose, then... Looking at it like that, he takes the heat for literally everyone else.
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[ which would be brilliant if true... yet still annoying.
they're probably making this Too Deep. ]
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I hate to say it, but that in and of itself is a pretty solid PR technique. I mean, it's still a shitty one, but it's one that more or less works.
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[ he's like || this close to writing retrospec an angry letter. ]
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They probably pay their intern to cover stuff like that for them. ...Actually, assuming he gets paid is probably too much, huh.
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[ in all honesty, karkat is doubtful that they pay the employees? ]
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[Then again, party satan himself offered to intern just to 1) cause chaos and 2) wreak havoc while info-digging, so he knows there are people out there.]
—Well, whatever. Their choice.
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