ic inbox

[alienates]

KARKAT VANTAS

I probably do not give a fuck.

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

Comments

misfire 3/14

[covenantal]

I just don't know if I can pull off a pencil skirt.

What do you think?

[ ATTACHMENT: vintage_cat_look_4.jpg ]

[alienates]

[ there are a lot of things karkat can respond with. like, who the fuck is this? or other things. instead he focuses on, ]

Where the fuck are the pencils?

[covenantal]

[ Ah.

Hm.

Well, might as well just roll with this rather than let his crippling embarrassment consume him, huh? ]

They form the boning of the skirt. It's ingenious, isn't it?

[alienates]

Are you telling me people wear pencils in their skirts?
That's goddamn ridiculous. The fashion industry is a scam.
I'm not shitting on your taste in clothes btw.
Well, actually I am, because that's GODDAMN RIDICULOUS.
Wear real clothes???

[covenantal]

You don't think that outfit's cute? I really like it. Is boning a skirt with pencils any weirder than using actual bones? I'm pretty sure that's what they used to do.

The real scam is that I wouldn't have any pockets.

[alienates]

It looks like it'l be hard to move in.
Also, bones can be cool?
Which is more badass: Wearing bones or pencils?
You don't see movies where ancient, cool warriors are wearing the pencils of their enemies around their necks, do you?

What do you mean there won't be pockets??

[covenantal]

I'm sure it would be a challenge, but I'm willing to accept that. I'm more concerned about the fit.

I'll agree that wearing bones is more badass, but you wouldn't actually be able to see them either way. I guess it would just be for me to know, and for everyone else to wonder. "Is his skirt lined with pencils, or bones?"

Well, I'm at least pretty sure that it's not going to have any pockets. It's too fitted.

[alienates]

What?
Scared it's going to make your hips look too big?

Well the obvious solution there is to also put bones on the outside.
Why aren't they doing that to begin with?
Can you imagine how many more of these pencil skirts they would be selling if they came with decorative bones.
Holy shit. Cosmo should hire me.

There are plenty of tight pants that have pockets.
I mean, you can't fit shit in them unless you are pretty determined but they're there.

[covenantal]

Do you think it will? Be honest with me.

I see. Now I know the real answer. I needed to ask you to design me a bone skirt. Will you design me a bone skirt?

I suppose that's true. Maybe I'll just have to get the skirt after all and find out.

[alienates]

Yes. You're going to look absolutely hideous probably.

Alright. I see that all of this has just been a very elaborate scheme for me to design you a bone skirt that also has comfortable pockets.
You know what?
Challenge accepted.

[covenantal]

(⊙︿⊙✿)

Do you need my measurements? I hope it will flatter my figure.

Seriously, though, if you mean that, I can pay you back for your trouble.

[alienates]

Your sad looking emoji does nothing for me.

I feel like we are too deep into this conversation for me to back out now.
We are going to go all the way with this.
Just you, me, and a pencil skirt decorated with bones.

[covenantal]

‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚ They're called kaomoji, you know.

I'm not sure I'm prepared for where this conversation has taken us. I will promise you that however this turns out, I'll wear it during the beauty pageant. I'll even give people your name when they ask me who designed it.

[alienates]

No. I don't know.
That's why I called them emoji, and even that sounds wrong.

I feel like this may end up biting me so hard in the ass that all of my descendants' feces will come out with teeth marks, but sure.
Let's get you the first goddamn prize while we're at it.
Go big or don't go at all.

[covenantal]

Well, you do now. (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ Welcome to the beautiful world of kaomoji. There are apps for these things.

That was evocative. Anyway, sounds like a plan to me. This feels like the point where I should introduce myself, since I'd remember if we'd spoken before. I'm Yu Narukami.

[alienates]

凸ಠ益ಠ)凸
Hahahahahahahaha!!

Karkat Vantas.
Anyway what's with this beauty pageant?

[covenantal]

You did it. I'm proud of you, Karkat. I feel like we've both learned something today.

It's to do with a letter my brother received, from Retrospec. Apparently we're going to be holding a beauty pageant.

[alienates]

Nothing we learned will ever be of any real use, but sure.
Continue to heap praise and congratulations on me.

Uh huh.
Why is Retrospec telling people to host events??

[covenantal]

Kaomojis will always be useful. I'm sure you'll find a way to put your new knowledge to good use. Believe in yourself.

That was our question. It was pretty strange.

[alienates]

(╬ಠ益ಠ)

Ok so
Is there any reason why they'd choose you guys in particular?
Like anything that sticks out that might have caught their attention?

[covenantal]

~(=^‥^)ノ☆

We did help run the Valentine's Day blind dating event, but that was just something we simply felt like doing.

[alienates]

(ง •̀_•́)ง

Wait. Hold on, back up a few steps there.
You were a part of that?
You guys paired me up with a dude who is either so straight that chiropractors probably use him to make back braces, or someone who is in very deep denial about his sexuality and will have a crisis in the next few years.

[covenantal]

(=ↀωↀ=)✧

Yes, Souji and I organized that.

I apologize if it didn't quite work out. There were a few problems with the setup. At the time, we simply took the submissions we received. In the end, it seems like quite a few people never actually submitted themselves.

I don't remember who your date was. Still, I'm sorry if you had a rough time.

[alienates]

(☞◣д◢)☞

Some guy named Yosuke.
I didn't actually care. I didn't sign myself up, a person I know did it for me.
I only went along for it cause couples get discounts everywhere on vday so why not tae advantage of it.
Yosuke was the one who had the rough time but he seemed to enjoy the discount ice cream well enough.

1/2

[covenantal]