The reverse is also true. And I'm not sure knowing about things that upset me in detail would really do much other than make you worry, dude, especially if it's shit that no one can really do anything about. Like, I just need to not care about certain things. I can work on that. But if you're freaking out about it and making yourself unhappy, we'll kinda implode.
[ it makes sense to dave at least??? he really does not want to broach "so these things that make you happy make me feel kinda negative, now you know" since he has no intention of ever asking karkat to...stop...doing any of said things. ]
My bottom line is that I still want to be with you.
Dave. I'm going to freak out regardless? I just... don't like the idea that I might be making you miserable without knowing that I am? I don't expect you to give me the gory details on every shitty feeling you have, but I'd just like to be aware that those shitty feelings exist in general?
[ he would prefer to be told that he is fucking up? like... true, he will probably freak out at the news. but also the longer things get dragged out, the worst his response will be. ]
I'm the only person who makes myself miserable? Like. I guess Bro but whatever he's dead so he doesn't get to count [ even if it is factually true bro still makes him miserable from beyond the grave ] but in this particular case it really is just. My feelings. It's not about what you're doing or not doing, because you should do things that make you happy?
[ basically, dave is an incompetent human being and no one else should have to deal with it, this is his entire take on the matter because everyone else seems to agree on the end scenario ]
Like - okay I cant give a good example here. But you were right back then, it is my fault, not yours.
Ignoring the fact that you are completely twisting my words to fit your agenda right now [ as if karkat does not do that all the time ] Iiii just. I get wanting to deal with things on your own, but you don't have to?
[ which everyone and their mom has already said to dave but. ok. ]
Your feelings are kind of important to me for some ungodly reason? And I know you don't want me to freak out over something that I can do nothing about, let's be fucking honest I am going to throw a fit over something anyway? Also like, even if it's a you thing and not a me thing, it's still affecting our relationship? Which means that it does sort of become an us thing somewhere along the line, at a point.
[ he'll just. flop onto the bed fully instead of sitting on it, staring at the ceiling. ]
Look, it's stupid and pointless? We're doing the thing you guys decided on. I don't think I'd be 100% happy with any of the options provided and at least this has the benefit of being the one you're all gung ho about even if it's for the completely wrong reasons? It's not like I'm locking myself in a room playing My Chemical Romance songs, anyway, and I think there's probably no such thing as a perfect solution in situations like this so I kinda fail to see the point in it being brought up again and again.
[ dave goes back to an older argument instead of bringing up new information, because he genuinely kind of hates himself for the new information that's...old information he never bothered to share. he hated himself for it in relation to dirk, too. and telling dirk was a thing, but he's not sure it helped yet. ]
Like I even pointed out I didn't want to go public just because I wanted to, and we just argued more about that? You're right, we'll both get used to it eventually and then it'll, like, not be an issue at all.
[ karkat squints slightly because what.... tf is my chemical romance... and also like. dave you are the one who brought it up this time, shut up. ]
I even admitted that it would take me a while to get used to going public even if we decided on it? Kind of like how you just said you need time to get over your... stuff. So even if I'm not completely okay, over time I might be? It's the same thing you're doing right now so I don't see why it's a problem when it's me and not you?
[ he bites his bottom lip, trying to figure out how to word this in a way that won't bring them into another circle. ]
I just. Don't want you to pretend to be happy for my sake? I don't think I could forgive myself if I let you do something that stupid.
It's not. You two were right? This is easiest. I was just...kind of stupid to want you to like, date me publicly for reasons other than just to make me happy, because honestly I knew that wasn't going to happen. I should have just not brought it up but I did and I can't change it, so.
[ like, karkat wanting to date him publicly just because karkat wanted...to date him publicly...whenever he was ready to do so. karkat would just have never been ready? so he can, like. deal with...this. ]
I can deal with how it makes me feel, but you need to not worry about it making me happy or not? We're apparently both gonna do the not completely okay with what we're doing thing but the alternatives are all pretty much the same so, uh, that's life?
Okay but, literally everyone thinks I'm a fucking dumbass for even wanting to do the private thing in the first place? So going by your previously stated logic, doesn't that make me the wrong one?
[ they are definitely never going to actually watch either enchanted or ghostbusters. ]
Also you keep saying that. Like, "that's life" or every other cliche variation? It's like you're resigned to the fact that your life is filled with bad things where you won't actually be happy?
Okay we're doing the circular thing now. The truth is, you want to do the private thing? But because I said I didn't, you're forcing yourself not to. Since no one is okay with us continuing to do the private thing despite both of us actually technically preferring that, we're not doing that, so discussing it is kind of pointless? You're not the wrong one, I already knew that was a thing when we started dating and I shouldn't have ever mentioned being ok with doing otherwise because I should have realized you'd flip the fuck out about it and we'd have this mess?
[ so, apparently dave has learned that he should...not say when he wants things lest he upset people by wanting said things. that is of course the life lesson he took away here. ]
I'm happy enough? Karkat, if you don't want me to pretend, I won't, but you can't ask me to be happy all the time. So yeah, that's life, sometimes I won't be thrilled about shit, big deal. The thing I don't like is just stabbing one another in the same place over and over again and expecting different results. It's why I don't tell people this kinda stuff. Dirk seems to have ascended to some higher plane where he leaves it alone as long as I tell it to him and I don't know yet if that's a problem or not, but I guess at least he knows and doesn't hate me for the shit I told him, so that's nice? But even so I didn't really like telling him because I don't actually want to be the kind of person I am, sometimes?
I'm not asking you to be happy all the time! The problem is that I can't even tell if you are at all about shit, or if you're just acting like you are? I mean, how goddamn hypocritical would it be of me to expect you to to be whistling to show tunes at all hours? It just kind of feels like I made you... retreat even more into yourself? Just because I'm too much of a fucking asshole to not blow every tiny thing out of proportion. And okay, maybe it's not my fault entirely, but you really can't deny that I helped contribute to this.
[ he rubs at his eyes. ] If you hate yourself then you hate yourself, I guess, but you shouldn't have to censor yourself and your feelings every single time just because things went badly with this thing?
[ dave just. covers his eyes with his arms crossing over them. or well, covers his shades. is there even a right thing to say here? ]
No but. The thing is - I don't care if I hate myself. I don't think I was even worried about Dirk hating me? Or I was, but that was stupid, because even when I'm an asshole he hasn't yet? But I do care about making either of you feel bad about shit you shouldn't feel bad about or...I don't know, tainting something happy just because I can't get my head on right?
[ wait. ]
That doesn't have shit to do with the whole argument we've basically truced on but are. Having anyway, by the way. Or, no, wait, I guess it does? Just like. Karkat, I think sometimes if you don't censor certain shit you might be a terrible person? Like you're a fucking asshole for even having those thoughts or feelings to start with, but why the hell would you inflict them on someone else, you know?
[ ok that all makes a huge amount of sense if you actually provide context but sounds more confused without it.
[ this is #unrelatable because karkat is the kind of person who will reveal all of his feelings on a subject, even his super shitty feelings that would be best. not shared? like, sure, he might not do it outright sometimes, but if you know karkat well enough then he isn't that difficult to read. ]
I mean... sometimes that's true? Like if you're an Ampora then all of the thoughts you have make you a terrible person. [ karkat will never release his choke hold on this grudge against eridan. ] But... we all have thoughts that make us feel horrible for having. Like they kind of just creep into your head like a wiggler who finally got away from its overbearing lusus that just wants to feed it bugs all day. [ speaking of #unrelatable ] I think what really makes you an asshole or not is how you like... react to those feelings though?
You know, for someone who does not know how to shut the fuck up you sure don't say much.
[ he glances at dave before looking back at his lap since... unlike dave, karkat is still sitting. ]
I'm stupidly anxious about shit I should not be? Like... who the fuck even cares about my blood color here? No one. It's not even really a secret anymore within our group, and that whole caste system is completely nonexistent here in a base with only two trolls. But I was bleeding in front of Rin once, and I flipped out at the idea of him seeing that even though a) he didn't even know trolls have multiple blood colors and b) no one fucking cares.
[ karkat why are you rambling about this now. there is a point, and if dave squints he might be able to see it? maybe. who knows. ]
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[ it makes sense to dave at least??? he really does not want to broach "so these things that make you happy make me feel kinda negative, now you know" since he has no intention of ever asking karkat to...stop...doing any of said things. ]
My bottom line is that I still want to be with you.
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[ he would prefer to be told that he is fucking up? like... true, he will probably freak out at the news. but also the longer things get dragged out, the worst his response will be. ]
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[ basically, dave is an incompetent human being and no one else should have to deal with it, this is his entire take on the matter because everyone else seems to agree on the end scenario ]
Like - okay I cant give a good example here. But you were right back then, it is my fault, not yours.
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[ which everyone and their mom has already said to dave but. ok. ]
Your feelings are kind of important to me for some ungodly reason? And I know you don't want me to freak out over something that I can do nothing about, let's be fucking honest I am going to throw a fit over something anyway? Also like, even if it's a you thing and not a me thing, it's still affecting our relationship? Which means that it does sort of become an us thing somewhere along the line, at a point.
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[ he'll just. flop onto the bed fully instead of sitting on it, staring at the ceiling. ]
Look, it's stupid and pointless? We're doing the thing you guys decided on. I don't think I'd be 100% happy with any of the options provided and at least this has the benefit of being the one you're all gung ho about even if it's for the completely wrong reasons? It's not like I'm locking myself in a room playing My Chemical Romance songs, anyway, and I think there's probably no such thing as a perfect solution in situations like this so I kinda fail to see the point in it being brought up again and again.
[ dave goes back to an older argument instead of bringing up new information, because he genuinely kind of hates himself for the new information that's...old information he never bothered to share. he hated himself for it in relation to dirk, too. and telling dirk was a thing, but he's not sure it helped yet. ]
Like I even pointed out I didn't want to go public just because I wanted to, and we just argued more about that? You're right, we'll both get used to it eventually and then it'll, like, not be an issue at all.
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I even admitted that it would take me a while to get used to going public even if we decided on it? Kind of like how you just said you need time to get over your... stuff. So even if I'm not completely okay, over time I might be? It's the same thing you're doing right now so I don't see why it's a problem when it's me and not you?
[ he bites his bottom lip, trying to figure out how to word this in a way that won't bring them into another circle. ]
I just. Don't want you to pretend to be happy for my sake? I don't think I could forgive myself if I let you do something that stupid.
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[ like, karkat wanting to date him publicly just because karkat wanted...to date him publicly...whenever he was ready to do so. karkat would just have never been ready? so he can, like. deal with...this. ]
I can deal with how it makes me feel, but you need to not worry about it making me happy or not? We're apparently both gonna do the not completely okay with what we're doing thing but the alternatives are all pretty much the same so, uh, that's life?
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[ they are definitely never going to actually watch either enchanted or ghostbusters. ]
Also you keep saying that. Like, "that's life" or every other cliche variation? It's like you're resigned to the fact that your life is filled with bad things where you won't actually be happy?
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[ so, apparently dave has learned that he should...not say when he wants things lest he upset people by wanting said things. that is of course the life lesson he took away here. ]
I'm happy enough? Karkat, if you don't want me to pretend, I won't, but you can't ask me to be happy all the time. So yeah, that's life, sometimes I won't be thrilled about shit, big deal. The thing I don't like is just stabbing one another in the same place over and over again and expecting different results. It's why I don't tell people this kinda stuff. Dirk seems to have ascended to some higher plane where he leaves it alone as long as I tell it to him and I don't know yet if that's a problem or not, but I guess at least he knows and doesn't hate me for the shit I told him, so that's nice? But even so I didn't really like telling him because I don't actually want to be the kind of person I am, sometimes?
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[ he rubs at his eyes. ] If you hate yourself then you hate yourself, I guess, but you shouldn't have to censor yourself and your feelings every single time just because things went badly with this thing?
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No but. The thing is - I don't care if I hate myself. I don't think I was even worried about Dirk hating me? Or I was, but that was stupid, because even when I'm an asshole he hasn't yet? But I do care about making either of you feel bad about shit you shouldn't feel bad about or...I don't know, tainting something happy just because I can't get my head on right?
[ wait. ]
That doesn't have shit to do with the whole argument we've basically truced on but are. Having anyway, by the way. Or, no, wait, I guess it does? Just like. Karkat, I think sometimes if you don't censor certain shit you might be a terrible person? Like you're a fucking asshole for even having those thoughts or feelings to start with, but why the hell would you inflict them on someone else, you know?
[ ok that all makes a huge amount of sense if you actually provide context but sounds more confused without it.
it's dave. he continues to not provide context. ]
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I mean... sometimes that's true? Like if you're an Ampora then all of the thoughts you have make you a terrible person. [ karkat will never release his choke hold on this grudge against eridan. ] But... we all have thoughts that make us feel horrible for having. Like they kind of just creep into your head like a wiggler who finally got away from its overbearing lusus that just wants to feed it bugs all day. [ speaking of #unrelatable ] I think what really makes you an asshole or not is how you like... react to those feelings though?
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[ in the complete opposition of karkat's preferred reaction ]
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[ he glances at dave before looking back at his lap since... unlike dave, karkat is still sitting. ]
I'm stupidly anxious about shit I should not be? Like... who the fuck even cares about my blood color here? No one. It's not even really a secret anymore within our group, and that whole caste system is completely nonexistent here in a base with only two trolls. But I was bleeding in front of Rin once, and I flipped out at the idea of him seeing that even though a) he didn't even know trolls have multiple blood colors and b) no one fucking cares.
[ karkat why are you rambling about this now. there is a point, and if dave squints he might be able to see it? maybe. who knows. ]
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[ sure there was probably a point in there but let's focus real quick on the point that is most relevant to dave's interests???????? ]
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[ dave like. this doesn't matter, let's mosey back onto the topic at hand. ]
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[ DAVE: HAVE ISSUES MOVING ON FROM THE TOPIC OF KARKAT GETTING BITTEN BY A SHARK ]
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[ it's fine?? he lived???? ]
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[ no??? that's not fine??? ]
Why did you - never mind, just. Tell me when you get injured?
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[ wow karkat does not like it when the focus shifts on him instead of on dave???? this is rude. ]
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[ like, honestly. ]
Why're you allowed to ask me to tell you shit but you get to hide that kind of thing, too?
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[ even karkat knows that argument is weak though. ]
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[ how did they get onto the topic of karkat ]
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Okay but me getting bitten by a shark isn't going to make me change how I interact with other people?
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[ he just doesn't...share...his innermost feelings. although. he tried with rose and dirk off and on he just keeps fucking it up. ]
But be fair, dude. Are you really going to start telling me about that shit?
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