[ he makes a face at dave (although it is... probably difficult to see given their current sitting position...) before raising their joint hands up. he readjusts his hold so he can more easily just. start gently kissing a line across dave's wrist. ]
Who the fuck knows, because you're never going to.
So, what, you assume I'm just never gonna go hey sure let's do insert whatever explicitly sexual or vaguely sexual activity Karkat's usin' as an insult today? That seems a lil naive, darlin'.
[ actually. it's not like he can't go full on vulgarity? he's done it on other trolls to get them to leave him the eff alone? it's just semi different when it's someone he's dating (how, dave) so he edges around it.
but he doesn't have to.
also this is kind of putting his hand at an awkward angle oh my god ]
[ ugh ok he just drops his head back on the couch. ]
Iiiiiiiii don't wanna say that shit as part of a contest, the hell. But like, I have hormones and you're hot, please be advised I'm not a nun? Or whatever. I mean not that you're implying I am, but it's not like I wouldn't? So it's kinda like you're implying I wouldn't but mostly in a game of gay chicken which is pretty ridiculous since we're kinda obviously gay? Or well neither of us is gay. You're like pansexual or whatever the fuck it is trolls do that's everything and I am a bisexual even though yes I know you think it's a made-up human sexuality I can repeat the argument verbatim so let's just pretend we had it and move on with our lives. But like what is the point of gay chicken when you know you're gay or bisexual or whatever and really it's just like pushing the other person a little further each time to see if they flinch and it's like, holy shit, when am I gonna grow out of the pigtail pulling stage? Not that I was ever in that specifically but I sure fuckin' always have done the whole who'll budge first thing and it's possibly a little sad that I'm still doin' that but at least you're an immature asshole too?
[ oh it's that time of day where he just rambles ad nauseum again ]
I feel like this is probably ironic somehow but not even in the artform way just in the technical dictionary definition way where it's completely lesser irony and I oughtta be ashamed I'm even up to it because I should def be like five levels above this level of bullshit, y'know, like y'all gotta get with it and take it to another plane entirely, can't let 'em get a read on your shit?
[ that probably should not have been what stuck out the most to him out of that entire thing but also. what's gay chicken??
karkat actually laughs though, and for once it's not one of those mean "i'm making fun of you" laughs, but one of those genuine ones that happens once every blood red moon after doing some sort of overcomplicated summoning ritual. ]
Homosexual livestock aside, I wouldn't mind. Doing shit with you. I mean, besides kissing and-- stuff.
[ or...he lost? who lost. dave actually doesn't caaaaaaaaare, he brought it up because he says whatever the hell is on his mind when he rambles like that, and none of it has to be connected to anything else. ]
Also why the fuck are you assigning troll terminology to my very human game, bro. Why y'all always gotta do that. [ HOMOSEXUAL LIVESTOCK - wait ] Actually that sounds better carry on.
The order in which you listed the options in your letter.
[ dave strider's special move: remembering he forgot to actually specify what he wanted to do and deciding the perfect time to bring it up is in the middle of something completely unrelated.
We only do that if you're sure you won't go enemy of the state, and if you do I can like, ditch you at whatever we're doing and go do something else?
[ wait that sounded bad. he clarifies. ]
Like, not always and I don't mean dump you, I mean. But I think it'd be better if I could just, uh, leave instead of building shit up again? And Rose has pointed out I can like, ask people if they are ok with me leaving a situation I don't want to be in instead of just sticking around and making shit worse for everyone although she did not word it like that because she sounds like a goddamn dictionary with walking legs and pantyhose. Well I actually don't know if she wears pantyhose? Probably not. Or maybe? It's more a Kanaya thing but maybe Kanaya makes her wear them, idk. What's the difference between pantyhose and like tights anyway or are they the same thing?
Sure, ask me, because I am definitely the expert on intricate issues surrounding the world of pantyhose and tights? Let me start up a memo on this subject that I am the number one expert on. I will bring out a guest speaker, Kanaya, and she can fill us in on her methods of forcing your sister into these seemingly uncomfortable fancy socks.
[ karkat stop. focusing on the least important parts of dave's longwinded speeches. ]
But... I guess? I just don't want to force you into another situation that you don't want to be in.
[ he lifts their hands up to his mouth again, although this time he just gives dave's hand a normal kiss without. potentially detaching his wrist. ]
Are they just fancy socks? Don't they stop being socks when they're connected. Are pantyhose just not connected? I should text Rose.
[ DAVE YOU LEGITIMATELY TEXTED KARKAT BECAUSE YOU ACKNOWLEDGED TEXTING ROSE AT LIKE 3AM ONE MORE TIME THIS MONTH WOULD SPELL YOUR OWN DEATH how has rose lalonde not fucking murdered him yet.
please help he's actually fumbling with his free hand for his communicator. IT IS STUPID EARLY LET ROSE SLEEP???????? for the sake of rose's sanity i'll assume karkat is kind enough to stop dave from texting his sister. ]
Ok but also, ditto that? Like opposite ways not me ways just. I already...said...shit I shouldn't have said - yes I know you disagree but just let me, like, say it - and basically all I mean is I would like to. Have it be ok if I can skip out on a situation that is potentially not...painless? Is that, like. Ok?
[ he either runs away too much or sticks around and puts up with stuff he should probably step out on there's literally no inbetween. ]
But uh this doesn't even fuckin' matter if it's all a one-way public thing 'cause I don't actually want to do...that. Where I am the one who has to tell everyone because you freak out? So if you can't handle that I'd prefer option one? And we can shelve the rest 'till Will Smith ain't your muse I guess? Idk.
[ none of this sounds very firm or certain because dave is crap at defining boundaries or what the fuck ever on his own and prefers to let rose or other people take over but they. can't. can they. so. ]
[ karkat definitely does stop dave from messaging his sister because he would like dave to be alive long enough for them to finish literally any of these 12 different conversations that has started in the course of this thread. ]
It's... alright. As long as you don't try skipping out every single time? Since there will probably reach a point where we will eventually have to discuss things even if it's not [ he gestures between them ] in person?
[ there is a pause before he continues talking. ] I want to kiss at the top of the ferris wheel. It actually wasn't a romcom, but it was mentioned in one of the books that Chihiro got for me? I figured since I can't be your date to the dance that it would... be nice... to get to do something like that...
[ oh okay that explains why karkat got pissed the hell off earlier. ]
Oh. Uh, we can do that? I just mean. When you do the flinching freaking out thing. Sometimes it's a lot? And it'll be worse in scenario two. So sometimes I will want to like, go hang with Rose for a bit? Or the Magister or Dirk or, y'know, whatever. Usually I just say something stupid and pretend I didn't notice but like, it occurs to me because Rose literally beat me over the fucking head with it that maybe. My revelations would be less explosive if instead of waiting until the party line doesn't work I like, did something else first?
[ like
acknowledge things he has an issue with
this is a distressingly tiny step in emotional intelligence. please save rose from her brother. ]
And she says it would be normal to go and like...do something else? Tbh I usually just stick around whenever 'cause absconding was not really an option but then it turned out it actually works on everyone except him, what the fuck. [ don't mutter, dave. ]
No that's... fair? But I also had a point with the ferris wheel thing. Because I do want to do stupid couple shit with you that doesn't involve us pretending to be annoying flap creatures who are confused about fake sexualities in the rec room at... shit, what time is it anyway?
[ how long have they been in here. they are never going to watch that movie. ]
And like I said before, that whole thing really was a dick move on my part? So you wanting to step away is. Fair. We can go back to the whole pretending that we aren't a thing at people who don't already know but also like. The world didn't really end for me when like... Rin or anyone else found out? And it's nice when other people call you my boyfriend...
[ he just sounds extremely sappy now and isn't even sure of what he's saying anymore help...... ]
[ no they're watching it dave is just not sleeping again rip. he will not even complain about his fake sexuality again even though he would if he thought karkat didn't actually get that it was sort of a serious issue for humans. but he thinks karkat gets that so he doesn't bother to chase the argument. ]
I'm not...saying we have to do that although we never actually stopped doing that even though we agreed because tbh I knew you wouldn't actually introduce me as your boyfriend even if we were "public" unless people accidentally found out, but like. I'm...down for that option if like, it's both ways and I can step away. And you can step away too? Although uh you do not usually want to step away when you get hurt you usually just yell at me which I guess is probably a fair option too though we'd have to check with Rose to see what you rank on her emotional maturity scale thing I am sure she has written down somewhere?
[ he's sort of on topic still but he's...rambling... ]
Like. I think you and Rose are wrong about certain things you both recently said to me [ re: he's dead sure he's a terrible person ] but it's not like those things weren't always factual and I am...ok with that? So like. I have no idea what I'm saying here. Basically those were the conditions to option two. I get to step away if I need to and vice versa and, uh, I'm not the only one telling people we're dating and it doesn't always come out only by accident or guesstimate. You actually have to refer to me as your boyfriend?
[ it is a good thing dave did not say what they are apparently wrong about out loud because this conversation would have had another topic change lmao....
he considers the two options. the first is obviously the easiest but after this wild ass ride on a rollercoaster that would not pass any safety inspections it. would kind of seem a little weird to just go back to the whole secret dating thing? not a step backwards, exactly, but a step in a direction that would probably lead them towards some weird path they'd get lost in before eventually reaching their destination. ]
I told you already, I am extremely mature and do not need Rose ranking me? So shut the fuck up. Also. I'll... do it. [ a pause. ] I mean, I don't really like it when you tell me that I'm never going to do insert thing here. It kind of puts me in a box and if I try to break out of it, the assumption is that I am just trying to be contrary for the sake of it? But sure.
Ok, but did you actually tell anyone we were dating while we were supposedly public dating?
[ dave stop..........arguing................. ]
I wouldn't assume that in this situation because, like...I'm asking you if you think that's ok and we can do that and I'm not challenging you? Like, I do not actually want to take actual steps in this based on dumb challenges because that works to get you to do some shit that's stupid and doesn't matter but we can't actually do that for things that....do matter?
[ that is why he haphazardly put the brakes on the dumb discussion/challenge earlier...thanks dave. I GUESS? ]
And this isn't that. Idk. Does that even make sense.
No but also the way that whole thing ended was weird enough that it still didn't seem... resolved? So.
[ like. karkat did fall for dave's lie, but he (and rose) still were way too confused by how easily dave agreed to the terms? so even though, from his pov, it seemed like it was Over... it still didn't feel like it was Over. ]
Iiii kind of just want that, the next time you throw some dumb party for some Earth exclusive holiday, you ask me to be your date instead of someone else? That sounds really stupid, but it's just a thing I really want? And it won't happen if we keep hiding.
[ oh okay that's. fair. dave isn't convinced it would have been a thing even so but like. GUESS HE'LL SEE. ]
I mean, you could ask me, too. Technically. Y'all don't even do gender roles, babe. And also I agreed they were stupid at some point in the past three years who the fuck even knows when. Oh shit. Four years? God.
No you have to ask me on my first dance date. [ HE SOUNDS VERY FIRM ON THIS?? ] I already asked you for the ferris wheel date. [ technically karkat did not do this. he just said he wanted to do it. ]
Also we are... both the same gender? What the fuck are you even talking about?
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im on page 6 thats almost done
Shut the fuck up. I wasn't going to actually try anything.
[ he just wanted to win.... ]
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[ like. he probably wouldn't? but he could????? you never know????????? ]
One of these days I'll take you at your word and then what the fuck are you gonna do?
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Who the fuck knows, because you're never going to.
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[ actually. it's not like he can't go full on vulgarity? he's done it on other trolls to get them to leave him the eff alone? it's just semi different when it's someone he's dating (how, dave) so he edges around it.
but he doesn't have to.
also this is kind of putting his hand at an awkward angle oh my god ]
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nah karkat stops himself, mostly since he needs to properly look at dave now without getting distracted. their hands are now in karkat's lap. ]
Strider, just because you can say it doesn't mean you have the globes to act on it, babe.
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[ ugh ok he just drops his head back on the couch. ]
Iiiiiiiii don't wanna say that shit as part of a contest, the hell. But like, I have hormones and you're hot, please be advised I'm not a nun? Or whatever. I mean not that you're implying I am, but it's not like I wouldn't? So it's kinda like you're implying I wouldn't but mostly in a game of gay chicken which is pretty ridiculous since we're kinda obviously gay? Or well neither of us is gay. You're like pansexual or whatever the fuck it is trolls do that's everything and I am a bisexual even though yes I know you think it's a made-up human sexuality I can repeat the argument verbatim so let's just pretend we had it and move on with our lives. But like what is the point of gay chicken when you know you're gay or bisexual or whatever and really it's just like pushing the other person a little further each time to see if they flinch and it's like, holy shit, when am I gonna grow out of the pigtail pulling stage? Not that I was ever in that specifically but I sure fuckin' always have done the whole who'll budge first thing and it's possibly a little sad that I'm still doin' that but at least you're an immature asshole too?
[ oh it's that time of day where he just rambles ad nauseum again ]
I feel like this is probably ironic somehow but not even in the artform way just in the technical dictionary definition way where it's completely lesser irony and I oughtta be ashamed I'm even up to it because I should def be like five levels above this level of bullshit, y'know, like y'all gotta get with it and take it to another plane entirely, can't let 'em get a read on your shit?
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[ that probably should not have been what stuck out the most to him out of that entire thing but also. what's gay chicken??
karkat actually laughs though, and for once it's not one of those mean "i'm making fun of you" laughs, but one of those genuine ones that happens once every blood red moon after doing some sort of overcomplicated summoning ritual. ]
Homosexual livestock aside, I wouldn't mind. Doing shit with you. I mean, besides kissing and-- stuff.
[ #eloquence ]
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[ or...he lost? who lost. dave actually doesn't caaaaaaaaare, he brought it up because he says whatever the hell is on his mind when he rambles like that, and none of it has to be connected to anything else. ]
Also why the fuck are you assigning troll terminology to my very human game, bro. Why y'all always gotta do that. [ HOMOSEXUAL LIVESTOCK - wait ] Actually that sounds better carry on.
[ dave are you
gonna even respond to the other part
c'mon ]
Ok. Also, uh, option one.
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[ he repeats, because he has no idea what the fuck option one means.
be less vague????? ]
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[ no????????????????????????????????????????? ]
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[ WHAT??? ARE THE OPTIONS??? ]
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[ dave strider's special move: remembering he forgot to actually specify what he wanted to do and deciding the perfect time to bring it up is in the middle of something completely unrelated.
idk why people talk to him ]
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[ at least he is used to these abrupt topic changes by now. ]
What conditions?
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[ wait that sounded bad. he clarifies. ]
Like, not always and I don't mean dump you, I mean. But I think it'd be better if I could just, uh, leave instead of building shit up again? And Rose has pointed out I can like, ask people if they are ok with me leaving a situation I don't want to be in instead of just sticking around and making shit worse for everyone although she did not word it like that because she sounds like a goddamn dictionary with walking legs and pantyhose. Well I actually don't know if she wears pantyhose? Probably not. Or maybe? It's more a Kanaya thing but maybe Kanaya makes her wear them, idk. What's the difference between pantyhose and like tights anyway or are they the same thing?
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[ karkat stop. focusing on the least important parts of dave's longwinded speeches. ]
But... I guess? I just don't want to force you into another situation that you don't want to be in.
[ he lifts their hands up to his mouth again, although this time he just gives dave's hand a normal kiss without. potentially detaching his wrist. ]
So. What do you want to do?
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[ DAVE YOU LEGITIMATELY TEXTED KARKAT BECAUSE YOU ACKNOWLEDGED TEXTING ROSE AT LIKE 3AM ONE MORE TIME THIS MONTH WOULD SPELL YOUR OWN DEATH how has rose lalonde not fucking murdered him yet.
please help he's actually fumbling with his free hand for his communicator. IT IS STUPID EARLY LET ROSE SLEEP???????? for the sake of rose's sanity i'll assume karkat is kind enough to stop dave from texting his sister. ]
Ok but also, ditto that? Like opposite ways not me ways just. I already...said...shit I shouldn't have said - yes I know you disagree but just let me, like, say it - and basically all I mean is I would like to. Have it be ok if I can skip out on a situation that is potentially not...painless? Is that, like. Ok?
[ he either runs away too much or sticks around and puts up with stuff he should probably step out on there's literally no inbetween. ]
But uh this doesn't even fuckin' matter if it's all a one-way public thing 'cause I don't actually want to do...that. Where I am the one who has to tell everyone because you freak out? So if you can't handle that I'd prefer option one? And we can shelve the rest 'till Will Smith ain't your muse I guess? Idk.
[ none of this sounds very firm or certain because dave is crap at defining boundaries or what the fuck ever on his own and prefers to let rose or other people take over but they. can't. can they. so. ]
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It's... alright. As long as you don't try skipping out every single time? Since there will probably reach a point where we will eventually have to discuss things even if it's not [ he gestures between them ] in person?
[ there is a pause before he continues talking. ] I want to kiss at the top of the ferris wheel. It actually wasn't a romcom, but it was mentioned in one of the books that Chihiro got for me? I figured since I can't be your date to the dance that it would... be nice... to get to do something like that...
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Oh. Uh, we can do that? I just mean. When you do the flinching freaking out thing. Sometimes it's a lot? And it'll be worse in scenario two. So sometimes I will want to like, go hang with Rose for a bit? Or the Magister or Dirk or, y'know, whatever. Usually I just say something stupid and pretend I didn't notice but like, it occurs to me because Rose literally beat me over the fucking head with it that maybe. My revelations would be less explosive if instead of waiting until the party line doesn't work I like, did something else first?
[ like
acknowledge things he has an issue with
this is a distressingly tiny step in emotional intelligence. please save rose from her brother. ]
And she says it would be normal to go and like...do something else? Tbh I usually just stick around whenever 'cause absconding was not really an option but then it turned out it actually works on everyone except him, what the fuck. [ don't mutter, dave. ]
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[ how long have they been in here. they are never going to watch that movie. ]
And like I said before, that whole thing really was a dick move on my part? So you wanting to step away is. Fair. We can go back to the whole pretending that we aren't a thing at people who don't already know but also like. The world didn't really end for me when like... Rin or anyone else found out? And it's nice when other people call you my boyfriend...
[ he just sounds extremely sappy now and isn't even sure of what he's saying anymore help...... ]
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[ no they're watching it dave is just not sleeping again rip. he will not even complain about his fake sexuality again even though he would if he thought karkat didn't actually get that it was sort of a serious issue for humans. but he thinks karkat gets that so he doesn't bother to chase the argument. ]
I'm not...saying we have to do that although we never actually stopped doing that even though we agreed because tbh I knew you wouldn't actually introduce me as your boyfriend even if we were "public" unless people accidentally found out, but like. I'm...down for that option if like, it's both ways and I can step away. And you can step away too? Although uh you do not usually want to step away when you get hurt you usually just yell at me which I guess is probably a fair option too though we'd have to check with Rose to see what you rank on her emotional maturity scale thing I am sure she has written down somewhere?
[ he's sort of on topic still but he's...rambling... ]
Like. I think you and Rose are wrong about certain things you both recently said to me [ re: he's dead sure he's a terrible person ] but it's not like those things weren't always factual and I am...ok with that? So like. I have no idea what I'm saying here. Basically those were the conditions to option two. I get to step away if I need to and vice versa and, uh, I'm not the only one telling people we're dating and it doesn't always come out only by accident or guesstimate. You actually have to refer to me as your boyfriend?
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he considers the two options. the first is obviously the easiest but after this wild ass ride on a rollercoaster that would not pass any safety inspections it. would kind of seem a little weird to just go back to the whole secret dating thing? not a step backwards, exactly, but a step in a direction that would probably lead them towards some weird path they'd get lost in before eventually reaching their destination. ]
I told you already, I am extremely mature and do not need Rose ranking me? So shut the fuck up. Also. I'll... do it. [ a pause. ] I mean, I don't really like it when you tell me that I'm never going to do insert thing here. It kind of puts me in a box and if I try to break out of it, the assumption is that I am just trying to be contrary for the sake of it? But sure.
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[ dave stop..........arguing................. ]
I wouldn't assume that in this situation because, like...I'm asking you if you think that's ok and we can do that and I'm not challenging you? Like, I do not actually want to take actual steps in this based on dumb challenges because that works to get you to do some shit that's stupid and doesn't matter but we can't actually do that for things that....do matter?
[ that is why he haphazardly put the brakes on the dumb discussion/challenge earlier...thanks dave. I GUESS? ]
And this isn't that. Idk. Does that even make sense.
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[ like. karkat did fall for dave's lie, but he (and rose) still were way too confused by how easily dave agreed to the terms? so even though, from his pov, it seemed like it was Over... it still didn't feel like it was Over. ]
Iiii kind of just want that, the next time you throw some dumb party for some Earth exclusive holiday, you ask me to be your date instead of someone else? That sounds really stupid, but it's just a thing I really want? And it won't happen if we keep hiding.
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I mean, you could ask me, too. Technically. Y'all don't even do gender roles, babe. And also I agreed they were stupid at some point in the past three years who the fuck even knows when. Oh shit. Four years? God.
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Also we are... both the same gender? What the fuck are you even talking about?
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