EVERY TIME YOU SAY SOMETHING STUPID I SIT DOWN AND CHECK INSTACLAM. I'M DOING IT RIGHT NOW, IN FACT. BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO STOPPED SAYING STUPID SHIT TO ME SINCE THIS CONVERSATION STARTD.
[ he's actually around the corner from rin's room ]
[Karkat recieves a notification on Instaclam; it's a close-up of Rin, baring his teeth, with his middle finger extended towards the camera. the caption reads "47 years"]
[Rin only has time to snort at the comment before he does indeed open up; as he lets Karkat in, Karkat might notice a very suspect change to the general layout of Rin's room. typically, Rin's room -- which he shares with Makoto now (just Makoto) -- is very tidy, with clear floors, books stacked in rows, exercise equipment carefully stacked, outfits hanging on hooks on the wall so they don't wrinkle. everything in its place]
[today, however, this neat and clean aesthetic is being interrupted by -- a pile]
[Rin's never made a pile before. well, no, he made piles as a kid -- building forts with Sousuke, playing with Gou, that kind of stuff -- but never as a weird gay alien gesture of soul-friendship]
[(Rin's always impatient when he's nervous)]
[the pile consists of, as Kanaya instructed him, Objects Favored By Either One Or Both Parties In The Relationship. Rin struggled with this quite a bit, and his pile is not remotely uniform; it's composed of lots of soft burrito-capable blankets and his own pillows (he's not going to sit on a bunch of uncomfortable shit??), which have some romance novels sticking out of the sides (the first three Twilight books), chunky sweaters (Makoto's, since Rin doesn't own things that obscure his sick bod), a bunch of those crappy Quadrants And You pamphlets Karkat gives out (picked up from other people leaving them around), a few pairs of Rin's goggles, Karkat's stuffed crab, and finally their shared robot crab, Pele, who is projecting images of confetti and exclamation points over her head. Rin didn't tell her to do that, but she must have learned recently what Surprises!!! were]
[Rin clears his throat, as if to say something, and -- doesn't, then, because he's awkward]
[ he's barely even through the door when he spots it and just. freezes. he almost comments on rin suddenly forgetting how to clean his room. and then he almost asks how the fuck did rin get karkat's stuffed crab??
but instead he just stares at the pile, in silence, which is probably concerning enough in itself because karkat being completely quiet for any prolonged period of time is weird. ]
Is that a pile.
[ even though he's asking, it doesn't come out as a question. ]
[okay, now he's growing redder. it felt ridiculous while he was doing the thing, and he's not sure what he was expecting, but]
I can do it over if I messed it up. It's not a big deal.
[the prolonged silence is weird, and he wants to die. not that it's a big deal or anything, just toss his body into the ocean to be eaten by landsharks, thanks]
[ these last few months are pretty high up there in The Absolute Worst for karkat, with january reigning supreme there. there has been very, very few things that have give him any actual genuine joy and now he has this pile
That's sort of what I was going for at the basic level.
[if anyone knows what "about to cry" looks like, it's Rin Matsuoka, reigning monarch over embarrassing emotional displays in public]
[so as Karkat's face sort of scrunches up, Rin jerks to action, first stepping towards Karkat with an oh shit expression on. then, he changes his mind, and goes back to the pile. he pulls one of the Twilight books out]
M, Maybe it'll be a better one if I take this crap out of it --
Put Edward Cullen back in that pile, I swear to fuck.
[ he quickly rubs at his eyes because no. there are no tears here, that was simply an illusion or something? but he walks to the pile and sits on it. ]
[and then exhales explosively and super anime, puuuuuuaaaahh! before letting himself fall sideways into Karkat with his full bodyweight, head tilted back to loudly complain]
This month really sucked! What the hell!
[and now he's crushing Karkat with his body, A Ham Shark]
[is he piling right??? who cares. he's just glad Karkat seems to like the pile; not that he saw anybody crying, or anything]
[some shifting, and Rin removes a pair of his own goggles from his back, tossing them to the other side of the pile]
And you're not either.
[he's talking lightly, but he's been pretty upset too; he hadn't told Karkat yet, so he adds, clarifying a bit with a brittle quirk to his mouth (still lightly crushing his friend)]
You were already going through a bunch of shit. You didn't need mine on top of it.
[he realises that's a bit reductive, and he supports his own damn weight, fingers picking at the edges of a blue-polka dot blanket. fidgeting isn't really a habit of Rin's; he's definitely still processing, even if it's been two whole days since he actively cried about it. he adds]
Plus it kept feeling more real every time I told somebody, you know? So I just... didn't want to talk about it.
[ he definitely knows. the less you talk about it, the more you can pretend that everything is fine and that you have everything under control. when you give it a voice then there's no taking back the fact that someone else knows you aren't okay. ]
I would ask if you're okay but we both know the answer to that already.
[his smile fades a bit; it's... it's hard to describe, how much Haru means to him, has always meant to him]
I asked Roxy if she could trace voids. She's talking with someone who, controls space? Or whatever? And everything's nuts and I just... want to see him again. You missed the one week I wasn't swimming, Vantas.
[Karkat might be the only person who knows just exactly how Rin has felt about Haru, for the majority of his life; those feelings may have shifted away from romantic more recently, but he's still one of the most important people in his life]
Then yesterday I realised he'd be pissed that I was slacking off.
No. I cried in front of at least three people and spent a lot of time sleeping and pretending things were okay for Makoto. And fishing out on the sandbar, too, I guess. Like he'd suddenly come cresting over the waves like a shitty piece of driftwood...
[snorts at himself, and accepts the dumb crab. this is a nice, if embarrassing gesture. he folds his arms over and leans on top of it, squashing this crab in place of Karkat]
[ he opens his mouth, but then shuts it again to actually think of what to say before just shooting off the first dumb thing that comes to mind. he doesn't have much tact at the best of times but karkat has been told multiple times lately that that's a thing he really needs to work on so. ]
I wish I could tell you that he just got lost on Mountain Island somewhere and is hanging out with Naoko, but... [ he shrugs. ] I like to think they get sent back home? Like whatever the hell brought us here decided that they weren't the right ones for the job, or something.
[ it's very optimistic, and karkat normally does not go with that route. but things have been awful lately and he has decided that maybe looking at the bright side might not be that bad for once. at least for this topic. ]
You work best when you have a goal in mind. So... this is a goal? To find out what the fuck happened to these people and then see if we can figure out how to do something about it. But you can't do any of that if you're just sitting around crying like an unclaimed grub all day.
[Rin's quiet while Karkat talks, red eyes slanting over to study his friend's face for sincerity. Karkat's not a positive person, but -- he isn't lying to Rin. he's trying to give him hope that isn't so frail and desperate]
[it's important that Rin has something to believe in]
I -- I've always spent a lot of time thinking about what Haru would say, about whatever I'm doing. [have a pretty terrible impression of Haru; a deadpan, dead-fish tone, breathier and cooler than Rin's own voice ever is] "Rin, that dive was sloppy." "Rin, eat more fish." "Rin, that looks stupid."
[he colours a bit, realising his obsession with Haru isn't really ever a secret, because he can't shut up about it. Haru was always his measuring stick; then his crush; then his rival; but most importantly, he became his friend]
And... I think he'd say the same thing. Apart from the cursing and the "grub" bit. And probably with some embarrassing comment about me being a crybaby.
[Rin drops his forehead onto the crab plush, exhaling hard. this really has been an awful month]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I FEEL LIKE WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS.
IT'S LIKE YOU ENJOY GETTING YOUR ASS KICKED OR SOMETHING.
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I'M DOING IT RIGHT NOW, IN FACT.
BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO STOPPED SAYING STUPID SHIT TO ME SINCE THIS CONVERSATION STARTD.
[ he's actually around the corner from rin's room ]
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open up, fucker. ]
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[today, however, this neat and clean aesthetic is being interrupted by -- a pile]
[Rin's never made a pile before. well, no, he made piles as a kid -- building forts with Sousuke, playing with Gou, that kind of stuff -- but never as a weird gay alien gesture of soul-friendship]
[(Rin's always impatient when he's nervous)]
[the pile consists of, as Kanaya instructed him, Objects Favored By Either One Or Both Parties In The Relationship. Rin struggled with this quite a bit, and his pile is not remotely uniform; it's composed of lots of soft burrito-capable blankets and his own pillows (he's not going to sit on a bunch of uncomfortable shit??), which have some romance novels sticking out of the sides (the first three Twilight books), chunky sweaters (Makoto's, since Rin doesn't own things that obscure his sick bod), a bunch of those crappy Quadrants And You pamphlets Karkat gives out (picked up from other people leaving them around), a few pairs of Rin's goggles, Karkat's stuffed crab, and finally their shared robot crab, Pele, who is projecting images of confetti and exclamation points over her head. Rin didn't tell her to do that, but she must have learned recently what Surprises!!! were]
[Rin clears his throat, as if to say something, and -- doesn't, then, because he's awkward]
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but instead he just stares at the pile, in silence, which is probably concerning enough in itself because karkat being completely quiet for any prolonged period of time is weird. ]
Is that a pile.
[ even though he's asking, it doesn't come out as a question. ]
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[okay, now he's growing redder. it felt ridiculous while he was doing the thing, and he's not sure what he was expecting, but]
I can do it over if I messed it up. It's not a big deal.
[the prolonged silence is weird, and he wants to die. not that it's a big deal or anything, just toss his body into the ocean to be eaten by landsharks, thanks]
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seriously how did rin get the stuffed crab ]
No it's. A pile.
[ HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO CRY? ]
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[if anyone knows what "about to cry" looks like, it's Rin Matsuoka, reigning monarch over embarrassing emotional displays in public]
[so as Karkat's face sort of scrunches up, Rin jerks to action, first stepping towards Karkat with an oh shit expression on. then, he changes his mind, and goes back to the pile. he pulls one of the Twilight books out]
M, Maybe it'll be a better one if I take this crap out of it --
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[ he quickly rubs at his eyes because no. there are no tears here, that was simply an illusion or something? but he walks to the pile and sits on it. ]
1/2
[and then sits on the pile with Karkat, saying nothing for a few awkward moments.......]
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This month really sucked! What the hell!
[and now he's crushing Karkat with his body, A Ham Shark]
[is he piling right??? who cares. he's just glad Karkat seems to like the pile; not that he saw anybody crying, or anything]
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[ he may be upset but that doesn't mean he won't be a sarcastic ass. gotta keep up his aesthetic. ]
You are completely welcome to join me in the getting buried plan.
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[some shifting, and Rin removes a pair of his own goggles from his back, tossing them to the other side of the pile]
And you're not either.
[he's talking lightly, but he's been pretty upset too; he hadn't told Karkat yet, so he adds, clarifying a bit with a brittle quirk to his mouth (still lightly crushing his friend)]
My rival disappeared, while you were off-base.
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[ he turns sharply towards rin so he might... dislodge the guy a little from his position on karkat ]
Holy shit, why didn't you tell me earlier?
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[he realises that's a bit reductive, and he supports his own damn weight, fingers picking at the edges of a blue-polka dot blanket. fidgeting isn't really a habit of Rin's; he's definitely still processing, even if it's been two whole days since he actively cried about it. he adds]
Plus it kept feeling more real every time I told somebody, you know? So I just... didn't want to talk about it.
[Karkat probably knows]
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I would ask if you're okay but we both know the answer to that already.
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Sucked. This month sucked.
[his smile fades a bit; it's... it's hard to describe, how much Haru means to him, has always meant to him]
I asked Roxy if she could trace voids. She's talking with someone who, controls space? Or whatever? And everything's nuts and I just... want to see him again. You missed the one week I wasn't swimming, Vantas.
[Karkat might be the only person who knows just exactly how Rin has felt about Haru, for the majority of his life; those feelings may have shifted away from romantic more recently, but he's still one of the most important people in his life]
Then yesterday I realised he'd be pissed that I was slacking off.
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[ he realizes that just saying a name after all of that may be Weird, so he then adds on, ] The one with Space powers is Jade. You'd like her.
[ karkat pulls the stuffed crab from its spot on the pile and hands it over to rin. here, hug it. ]
Did you end up friendship speeching at yourself over it?
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No. I cried in front of at least three people and spent a lot of time sleeping and pretending things were okay for Makoto. And fishing out on the sandbar, too, I guess. Like he'd suddenly come cresting over the waves like a shitty piece of driftwood...
[snorts at himself, and accepts the dumb crab. this is a nice, if embarrassing gesture. he folds his arms over and leans on top of it, squashing this crab in place of Karkat]
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[it's not really a joke; Rin hugs the dumb crab, and seems like he might actually need to hear Karkat's take]
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I wish I could tell you that he just got lost on Mountain Island somewhere and is hanging out with Naoko, but... [ he shrugs. ] I like to think they get sent back home? Like whatever the hell brought us here decided that they weren't the right ones for the job, or something.
[ it's very optimistic, and karkat normally does not go with that route. but things have been awful lately and he has decided that maybe looking at the bright side might not be that bad for once. at least for this topic. ]
You work best when you have a goal in mind. So... this is a goal? To find out what the fuck happened to these people and then see if we can figure out how to do something about it. But you can't do any of that if you're just sitting around crying like an unclaimed grub all day.
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[it's important that Rin has something to believe in]
I -- I've always spent a lot of time thinking about what Haru would say, about whatever I'm doing. [have a pretty terrible impression of Haru; a deadpan, dead-fish tone, breathier and cooler than Rin's own voice ever is] "Rin, that dive was sloppy." "Rin, eat more fish." "Rin, that looks stupid."
[he colours a bit, realising his obsession with Haru isn't really ever a secret, because he can't shut up about it. Haru was always his measuring stick; then his crush; then his rival; but most importantly, he became his friend]
And... I think he'd say the same thing. Apart from the cursing and the "grub" bit. And probably with some embarrassing comment about me being a crybaby.
[Rin drops his forehead onto the crab plush, exhaling hard. this really has been an awful month]
-- Is that how you deal with it, too?
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