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[alienates]

KARKAT VANTAS

I probably do not give a fuck.

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

Comments

[alienates]

I have the sandcastle one and like
Fucking chocobo racing.

[sharplydressed]

we could race my chocobo!

[alienates]

Don't we need to get a hold of another chocobo for it to be a race??

[sharplydressed]

well
it doesn't say what the chocobo has to race...
but i know where to get another one if we need to borrow a second for the day

[Possibly concerning??]

[alienates]

That sounds suspicious, but I'm listening.
But first give me your ideas for potential chocobo races.
We can go with whatever seems most hilarious.

[sharplydressed]

well one of us could race it?
or we could both race it
or someone could ride a bike while the other's riding V
my friend has a really fast dog, maybe they could race
or downhill cart races?
V doesn't mind being in carts

[alienates]

Holy shit
Ok maybe we should both try racing it but also do the cart thing because that sounds fucking hilarious.

[sharplydressed]

i know where to get some carts too
so basically as soon as you're free i'm ready to make this mistake

[alienates]

Want to meet up in an hour then??
I have nothing else to do right now besides probably break my neck racing a chicken.

[sharplydressed]

sure!
i'll put the hospital on speed dial jic
want to meet up at the park entrance closest to the woods?

[alienates]

Yeah that works.
See you in a bit.
Also I would prefer if you just took me to the hospital in one of the carts, ambulances are expensive as fuck.

[sharplydressed]

oh sure i can do that
leave it to me!

[REASSURING...

But Kiyomitsu will be at the designated meeting point at the designated time, carrying a little backpack where he's keeping extra treats for V the chocobo who they have to go adventuring in the woods to fetch.]

[alienates]

[ there are too many parts of this plan that are Suspect™

but karkat will show up not long after kiyomitsu does. he's ready to possibly die, lads. ]

Where's Chicken Little?

[sharplydressed]

[At least he'll die memorably(!??!) if he's gotta bite it at all.]

He's out in the woods. We keep him there so he has lots of room to run around without being cooped up in someone's yard or house or whatever.

[GESTURING and then turning to head out that way. Adventure time, come on grab your Karkats...]

[alienates]

[ he'll follow along, hands shoved in his pockets. ]

And he doesn't wander out of the woods? Like you don't stop by at the store to pick up some milk and there's your chocobo wandering around aisle five?

[sharplydressed]

Nope! V seems pretty happy out here, honestly.

[He says this now, but one day he's going to wake up and V will have busted into his apartment or something.

That said, he'll start shaking his little food bag once they get far enough into the woods that it's hard to see Civilization.]

V! C'mere, V! We got a new friend who wants to say hiii!

[SILENCE.......

And then some ominous rustling in the distance. A few moments later, a grey chocobo pops out of the bushes with an enthused wark! and trundles on over.]

[alienates]

[ karkat is somewhat surprised that the chocobo doesn't look flashier. he isn't sure what "flashier" would mean in this regard, like maybe wearing a chocobo sized hat or something.

he also obviously does not hang around chocobos that much considering he just instinctively backs away???? ]

That sure is a chocobo.

[sharplydressed]

[OH, IT DID... Once upon a time, when blue and green were real colors.]

Yep! [JUST "YEP". V seems very friendly at least, immediately flouncing over and nosing (or beaking??) at Kashuu's arm and hands.]

Hold on, hold on. Hey— D'you wanna feed him, too?

[alienates]

[ that sounds horrifying, but karkat doesn't want to seem like he is terrified of a chocobo? that's lame and also it'll be hard to race something that you're convinced is going to peck out your eyeballs. ]

Sure but if he bites my finger off we're fighting.

[sharplydressed]

I'll let you chop off one of my fingers to be even. Fair?

[Clearly he doesn't believe this is an actual threat... Just look at V! He's got those big ol' funky chocobo eyes full of wonder and no murderous intent!

After a little rummaging, Kashuu pulls a banana and a bar of oats from his bag.]

Here, take your pick.

[alienates]

It'll take the banana since it's long.

[ he means that he can hold it further from his body than he can the oats but it came out stupid. ]

[sharplydressed]

[That seems to be a trademark move of Karkat's... He'll helpfully hold the banana out to drop into his hands, though.]

Then you can go second! Bananas are the dessert, he's gotta eat his oats first.

[To be fair, V seems very okay with this arrangement and immediately swipes the bar from his hand as soon as he even vaguely turns toward V. A HUNGRY CHOCOBO.]

[alienates]

[ OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT SWIPE, KARKAT IS GOING TO DIE

he watches v eat... appreciating all the various uses he has for all ten of his fingers... ]

Your bird has terrible table manners.

[sharplydressed]

[HE'S A FAST AND HUNGRY BIRD.]

Hey! Don't be mean to V, his feelings are very delicate.

[V looks like he doesn't give a shit. Possibly because he's too busy eying the banana in Karkat's hand... At least he's polite enough to wait and see if it's offered to him instead of immediately bowling Karkat down to get at it!]

[alienates]

He doesn't look like he give a fuck, Kashuu.

[ karkat has no problems with pointing that out.

he will... unpeel the banana, and then slowly... hold his hand out. so very slowly. ]