alienates | ic inbox

[ honestly? most likely. they'd probably have to chase down the other cats at this point. ]

Oh No Meow Didn't would go wild with all the posts about it, I bet. Biggest scandal of the damn decade there in catville.

[ how he managed to say that all with a straight face is a mystery. ]

[They don't deserve to be blessed by the presence of cats when this is what they talk about in their spare time...]

Outta curiosity, did you come up with that off the top of your head or have you been sitting on it?

Absolutely nothing I say is ever planned.

[ and that is the honest truth. ]

That's a real talent, y'know? Like national treasure level!

[IS IT. Is it really...]

Some of the things you say are totally frame-worthy so it's great you just come up with 'em on the fly.

I have a lot of opinions on everything so I can't limit my vocabulary or else people won't ever know what's actually right.

[ ...... ]

My opinion. My opinion is what's right.

This is why I told you that you should totally start a blog or podcast or something! It'd be super entertaining.

[For many, many reasons.]

Maybe when I start university next semster. That's what people in college do, right? Start pointless shit while acting like it's a big deal?

[ he has no idea what people in college do. ]

A little of that, yeah! There's also a lot of dying over deadlines and eating ramen, those stories are totally true.

[Isn't Karkat excited to go to college...!]

Can I just drop out now.

[ he hasn't even started yet but this sounds awful. ]

We can start our own business. Who the fuck needs a degree.

I mean, whoever works at Retrospec probably did the same thing, so.

[RAISES HANDS...

Except he knows they've all gotta be like insanely smart science geniuses to do the things they're doing, probably. He just can't pass up the chance to be petty.]

...

[ the fact that jim is probably a college dropout somehow makes karkat even angrier. ]

Maybe there's a course at the university about managing an evil company?

I'd believe anything at this rate, honestly. They always talk about the system spitting out villains anyway, these guys just clearly took it to comic book extremes.

[A little, sloping shrug. If Jim is an alumni or a dropout or an anything at all of Recolle U, he might have to reconsider his attendance, honestly.]

Maybe the mastermind behind all of this actually works at the school? They could be handpicking people to send to Retrospec by purposely failing them.

[ this conspiracy theory is probably not correct. ]

If that's the case, we'd obviously have to find out who's behind it and stop 'em. That kind of plot is too evil.

[Why are they team protag now...]

[ because they're stupid and can't stick to one thing for longer than ten seconds. ]

It's even worse since it means we're giving Retrospec thousands of dollars... no wonder the dumb app is free.

[ stop talking as if this is all a proven fact and not something you just made up. ]

Well, what's that saying... Nothing in life is free? Too true, I guess.

[Sighing and shaking his head! What a tragedy that they just made up on the spot.]

But at least other stuff we pay for isn't getting funneled to actively ruin our lives with weird superpowered conspiracy.

[ ...... ]

I... think?

We might as well just go full conspiracy theorist and say this entire town is just some weird cover front for a secret evil organization and everything we do is lining their pockets. At least that way we won't be surprised if more weird stuff comes up.

[No, he'll definitely still be surprised...]

Everything is orchestrated to make us believe that this place is normal, when it never has been, so that when the weird shit starts happen we're all shocked but it turns out it's always been a fuckhole.

[ yeah he'll still be surprised too despite. all of this. ]

And just imagine! We could've avoided this whole mess if we'd just moved like, one town over.

[Shaking his head... What a tragedy. The saddest story ever told.]

Fucking seriously. Nowhere else seems to be having this problem actually. If you check the internet, you don't see people who live elsewhere talk about it.

[ why did they have to choose the one weirdo city. ]

Pretty spooky when you think about it, right? But if other places were having the same problem, we probably wouldn't know about it anyway 'cause they'd be in the exact same situation with everyone else thinking they're nuts.

[He almost hopes there's some other weirdo city out there somewhere but he also wouldn't want to wish Retrospec on anyone else...]

Jesus, you're right about that. You know, maybe Retrospec could even be blocking shit to make sure that if there are other places they're fucking with, we can't contact them.

[ it's a farfetched theory but the whole situation is absurd that he can't even rule it out. ]

Like some big firewall we don't even know about? I'd believe it. Maybe they've put filters on all our stuff that replace things like "help me Retrospec is ruining my life" with "top ten workout routines that'll blow your mind!" or whatever.

[They're really unraveling the mysteries of Retrospec here. Jim's gonna come down out of the sky at any second to arrest them for being too smart.]

They'd probably make the routines really fucking stupid so not only will we get no help, but whoever reads the post will think we're the worst clickbait they have ever seen.

[ which seems like the worst part of it all. ]

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