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[alienates]

KARKAT VANTAS

I probably do not give a fuck.

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

Comments

[constellates]

(・・。)ゞ I think I move at a pretty normal pace

[anya no]

[alienates]

For someone on speed, maybe.

[constellates]

oh (｀・ω・´)”
well it's okay, isn't it? (´ω｀★) if this makes people happy then I'm happy!

[alienates]

Did you get anything from someone?
Any suitors I don't know about.

[constellates]

[why would you ask questions like this]

oh!! ♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪ everyone spoiled anya today!
mikoto got me this beautiful bracelet and a bouquet
ryoji gave me this really pretty hair comb too
nobu won a giiiiant stuffed rabbit! it's so cute!! (*≧▽≦) you'll see it when you come over to watch things again
yato and jade and everyone gave me chocolates too
and yuri says he owes me discount chocolate? （*´▽｀*） getting anything from yuri is lucky lucky

but no
no suitors
°˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°
we're single together, karkat!

[that's

yep]

[alienates]

[ he was half joking when he asked but oh my god

"we're single together" yet somehow karkat feels even more single than before he asked what the hell ]

Wow.
I sure do feel the solidarity there.
Right now I am lifting my hand up in a fist bump towards you for us very obviously single people with zero suitors.

[constellates]

I meet your fist bump in spirit! (*・∀-)☆
but maybe it'll change!
blind dates are today right?

[she won't even

hide the idea that she signed him up nope]

[alienates]

Holy shit I knew it was you.
Don't get too excited.
I got stuck with that Yosuke guy and I have seen rulers less straight that he is.

[constellates]

really? (・・。)ゞ hmmm
then we can watch romcoms together if the date ends up being boring
or I can try to set you up with someone myself!

[anya

stop]

[alienates]

Oh my god
Anya
Who would you even try to set me up with?
I am honestly asking here because I am genuinely curious as to who you think would even be remotely compatible with me.

[constellates]

[hmmmmMMMMM]

someone patient and kind
who can be sweet to you like you deserve to be treated (〃￣ω￣〃)ゞ
but not anyone boring either!
(*・∀-)☆ you'll need to be able to talk about aliens after all
I think I might have to keep looking.... but someone like that!

[alienates]

Uh huh.
Well good luck with that one!

[ it's sweet?? but also. good luck. ]

[constellates]

I won't need luck! (*・∀-)☆
just patience
karkat's soulmate is out there! I'll find them!

[alienates]

Just don't beat yourself too much if that does not happen.

[ he has no faith that he has something like that but he respects her tenacity ]

[constellates]

it will happen (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧
don't lose faith?!
we have watched too many movies and know too many stories of love to lose hope

[alienates]

Ok but what about you?
Are you interested in finding the person who somehow, inexplicably knows the same lyrics to the romantic song that you just suddenly burst into?
We are focusing a lot on my lack of a fulfilling romantic life but I feel like yours would be a lot less boring and pathetic to talk about.

[constellates]

what kind of question is that? (´,,•ω•,,) of course I want to find love too
but well
love is supposed to be that fluttering feeling right? or when the music changes when you lock eyes with someone
I haven't found that yet either.... too bad
but maybe someday! (〃▽〃)

[alienates]

[ look if she can put him on the spot and talk about his love life he can do the same back!!!! ]

You know what you need?
Someone who is really good at herding cats.
Or herding puppies I guess since you're more like one of those than a cat.

[constellates]

are you saying I need to be herded?
(・・。)ゞ what does that even mean

[should she feel insulted

she doesn't but should she]

[alienates]

[ he sends over a link. ]

Ok see, you're the puppy here.
Running around, doing whatever the fuck it is that puppies do.
Except as a human because there are certain things that dogs do that I really hope you don't copy?
Anyway. You need a horse to herd you. Like the horses do in this classic commercial.
You need someone to make sure you don't get eaten by a wolf because you are all over the damn place and do not know how to stop.

[constellates]

[on the one hand: what the fuck

on the other:




anya is so gullible she believes this entirely

also you're lucky she remembers what the original commercial used to look like because]

ooohhh!!! (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ I need a horse!
but all the horses are Chocobos now
so maybe I should just find a Chocobo
giant chickens are fun too ヾ(｡･ω･)ｼ

[too literal

SHE TOOK IT TOO LITERALLY]

1/2

[alienates]

DON'T JUST ACCEPT THE CHOCOBOS THIS COMMERCIAL WAS BETTER WITH HORSES ANYA

[alienates]

Actually holy shit.
Holy shit?
Have you ever seen those book series that were all about friendship with horses?
Not chocobos.
Jesus Christ I can't believe those stupid chickens just completely ruined my very honest and true point I made about your romantic life. What the fuck.
But anyway, you could be the main character of one of those books.

[constellates]

I'm lost now

[only now????]

are you just saying that I'm good with animals? (?・・)σ
or is this still about my romantic life
I rode some chocobos the other day with some people
is that what you're talking about
was that supposed to be a type of sign
or is it
I don't know

[she made her own confusion worse]

[alienates]

[ this entire conversation is a goddamn mess ]

That is not what I'm saying!!
Or well, I guess I'm saying it now? My cats like you I guess but I don't know how well cats liking you will translate to chocobos liking you?
Fuck I meant horses
Goddammit.
BUT NO, ANYA. It was a metaphor. You are metaphorically the small dog, that... looks like it might be a lab?
I don't fucking know. I'm not a canine expert.
But that's you. And whoever you might potentially date needs to be the HORSE, as in someone who is able to steer you in the right direction when you are about to die horribly.
Both a metaphorical and literal death, I guess. But more likely the metaphorical one in this case as this is, once again, a metaphor.