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[alienates]

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Comments

[splinten]

You should. We can make a scrapbook for them.

[Incidentally, while Dirk says this to Karkat, he is in fact in the lab altering his plans for Karkat's room to incorporate elements of Karkat's pictures. To the best of his ability.]

[alienates]

[ listen.... karkat is going to attempt to murder him and it will be a Just death. ]

No? That sounds stupid. Also I refuse to believe you guys don't already have some sort of scrapbook for that very purpose.

[splinten]

[Don't spit in the face of his generous gift. Or indeed URSULA's generous additions.]

I get the impression there are a lot of things you refuse.

[alienates]

[ WHY DOES URSULA WANNA FIGHT KARKAT SO BAD ]

Because there is a lot of dumb, irritating bullshit in paradox space and I do not intend to deal with any of it unless I absolutely have to. And even then I still would like to keep at least ten feet away from it at all times.

[splinten]

I think in the cosmic frame of things, that just makes you a more appealing target to P. Space's B.S.

[Because P. Space has a nasty sense of humour.]

[alienates]

Well it can leave me the fuck alone because I have dealt with enough of that. I think I deserve a pass, excusing me from any and all bullshit from here on out.

[ that things will happen: not that ]

[splinten]

You inarguably deserve that.

[And definitely won't get it.]

"that things will happen" i can't belieb i didn't mess up on that jake tag but i fuck this up

[alienates]

Fucking exactly! Give me my nice things, you holographic frog. I have helped create literally two universe so I think at this point i should at the very least receive a medal to celebrate my good deeds.

[ dirk make him a medal. ]

THIS IS HOW IT GOES

[splinten]

Hang on.

[Wiz is coming to find Karkat.

Wiz has 3D printed a "GOOD DEEDS" medal. It's gold and has ponies.]

[alienates]

[ OH MY GOD




karkat immediately puts it on. ]

This is stupid.

[ he is never going to take it off. ]

[splinten]

How does it look on you?

[Monotone but really, he just wants a selfie okay.]

[alienates]

What? What makes you think I'm wearing it? I could just be holding it in my hands after it was forced into my possession.

[ it looks great on him. ]

[splinten]

[Dirk gets Wiz to send him a picture in case Karkat won't. (The surveillance state is a terrible thing.)]

Fair enough. Sorry for the burden, Vantas.

[alienates]

[ the picture would be him looking very contently at his new medal that he is wearing. ]

You are not actually sorry.

[splinten]

[Dirk can't quite believe it. But he can?? Somehow it makes sense to him.]

No, you're right, dude.

I shouldn't push someone who's self-conscious about his appearance.

[alienates]

[ dirk may hear something that sounds like a hybrid of a choking noise and an indignant squawk. ]

Who said anything about me being self-conscious? Now you're just assuming shit, Strider. I am the least self-conscious person on this entire base. Wait, hold on a sec.

[ a few more seconds pass and then

tada. a selfie.

it figures that the way to get karkat to do something he doesn't want to is by pointing out that he doesn't want to do it. ]

[splinten]

[Wow. Karkat really is easy.]

Thanks.

[He promptly forwards the picture to Dave.]

[alienates]

Don't get used to it, asshole. That was a one time deal.

[ wait a sec. ] You didn't send that to Dave did you.

[splinten]

I definitely did.

[would not even deny]

[alienates]

What the shit, that wasn't even a decent picture? You should have asked if I thought that was a selfie worth sending to him, Dirk, I looked stupid!

[ not like dave would care BUT KARKAT CARES?? ]

[splinten]

I can say with a bullshit percentage of accuracy that Dave would like any of your selfies.

[Calm down Karkat.]

I can always delete it from his device and replace it with another one if you want.

[alienates]

[ re: karkat calming down..... he Cannot ]

What if he's seen it already? Then he would have two selfies and I am not entirely sure he deserves that honor.

[splinten]

I did say 'replace.' Dave would only get to keep the one.

['Would' is the important word here because Dirk wouldn't delete the other one. He would just give Dave every single selfie ever.

Someone stop Dirk Strider from spoiling his family.]

[alienates]

[ dirk you are going to have to tell dave no eventually. stop this. ]

You are giving him a lot of power over me right now. He already cheats at everything and I do not appreciate this unfair advantage that you are handing to him on a silver platter.

[splinten]

[but he can't??? dave deserves everything he asks for]

A cute picture of his boyfriend isn't generally considered competition material in human culture.

[...That might not be true, Dirk honestly doesn't know.]