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[alienates]

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[alienates]

I do fucking not. How would you even know that, you haven't been around for every argument I've ever had. Also some people deserve to be argued with? You lucked out that you never got to get to know Eridan, because fucking wow. What a douche.

[ he's kind of babbling to avoid talking about the actual real topic. he knows he is going to have to. get back to it though. ]

Oh my fuck, Dave, is he going to think that I turned you into a homosexual?

[parodeity]

Because I know you, babe, and you're the most contrary fuck who ever lived.

[ though of course karkat will argue the point. ]

Also we've been over this, I'm not a homosexual, my "made up human sexuality" is bisexual so if he thought you turned me into a homosexual he'd first of all be wrong about what the fuck I accurately was and second of all about the like, turning me into anything thing and why do you actually care man he already knew you were into dudes on account of troll and like hit on him flagrantly in the past?

[alienates]

I did not hit on him. Why do you two keep saying that I hit on him, that wasn't a thing that ever happened. He just assumed I was hitting on him because the words I was using could maybe be twisted into something that vaguely resembled flirtation. Which it wasn't.

[ please just. why must his terrible mistakes re: his love life keep getting brought up again? let him live, dave. why won't everyone just indulge karkat and pretend none of that ever happened. ]

[parodeity]

Again, this no longer really matters unless you feel the need to hit on him now in which case I assume you'd have said something because we've established the whole concupiscent monogamy thing? But yeah dude I was literally right there when you were like backtracking hitting on him. Idk how you ever thought you hated John though man. He's like. John.

[ no one will ever forget ]

[alienates]

Oh my god, I wasn't hitting on him. I don't even like him anymore in that way, it was years ago? And I wouldn't like. Sneak around your back like that after I already agreed to the human dating thing. Although you said pale stuff was still ok. That's still ok right?

[ wait does dave think he'd sneak around like that?? does he not trust him?

it's a good thing this is just audio because karkat is about to freak out here. ]

[parodeity]

Dude. Chill. Yes, pale stuff is ok and you can meddlemance to your heart's content? And I'm not accusing you of sneaking behind my back and don't think you would I'm just pointing out it literally does not matter that you hit on John once upon a time since it's not relevant anymore?

[ they are so far off topic ]

[alienates]

[ when do they ever stay on topic ]

Alright I was just making sure. Also since it does not matter then we can stop bringing it up ever again.

[parodeity]

Asking me not to tease you is cruel and unnatural.

[ and also he refuses? ]

[alienates]

Oh come the fuck on, you say that as if you don't find a million other ways to do that? It's not like you are lacking in material here.

[ dave is such a cruel boysprit??? ]

[parodeity]

When you stop being cute when flustered I will stop teasin' you but until then? No dice.

[ most people don't find getting yelled at "cute" Dave ]

[alienates]

What the fuck! You can't just suddenly call people cute like that, it isn't allowed?

[ karkat is covering his face, and even though dave cannot see it he can probably guess that is. what he's doing. ]

[parodeity]

Oh, I'm sorry, do you have a different weirdo troll term you'd prefer, Kitkat? Should I break out a thesaurus?

] yep mission accomplished

Wait

Dave is pretty sure he had a different mission here uh ]

[alienates]

[ yeah weren't they discussing something actually

serious ]

If you do please feel free to look up all the different ways you can say the worst. Because that's what you fucking are, the literal worst and I hate you.

[parodeity]

I love you, too, babe.

[ he is pretty sure karkat is unable to resist saying it back even if it directly contradicts what he just said. ]

[alienates]

[ uh no? karkat can totally not say it back? he is strong and can resist this sappy lovey dovey bullshit that dave is subjecting him to??



he lasts about ten seconds ]

Godfuckingdammit. I love you, dickhead.

[parodeity]

You nearly lasted eleven seconds that time.

[ the benefits (?) of dating the god of time: his annoying as shit commentary on how long things take. ]

[alienates]

[ that is the opposite of a benefit if anything that is the potential cause of a breakup ]

You are an embarrassing sack of shit.

[parodeity]

[ well it hasn't caused karkat to break up with him yet ]

Yeah but you like sappy shit like that?

[alienates]

[ well that's because karkat never plans to break up with him that but that doesn't mean he can't be overdramatic anyway ]

Uh no. You are definitely the one who is all about the sap. I am just being dragged along for the ride as you continuously embarrass yourself by being needlessly mushy.

[parodeity]

Ok but let's acknowledge I'm not the one who is diehard into chick flicks and rom coms. You? he biggest sap in this relationship.

[ maybe ]

[alienates]

My taste in movies has nothing to do with my love life, Dave. Also you said I love you first there which means that you're the biggest sap. Whoever brings it up is logically the most hopeless romantic.

[ that doesn't seem like it's a scientifically proven fact but karkat says it like it is ]

[parodeity]

Says the guy who can't stop himself from sayin' it back no matter how pissy he's bein' at any given time.

[ dave's unbothered by this accusation tbh ]

[alienates]

I do not say it back every time. You are definitely exaggerating there.

[ this conversation is so embarrassing

he definitely says it back every time

BUT STILL ]

[parodeity]

I love you.

[ counts down the seconds. ]

[alienates]

I love you too.

[ it's almost immediate, like he wasn't even thinking about it when he responded. which. karkat was not. ]

Wait fuck no you tricked me.