Those two things don't work together at all! [That's probably why it's mildly impressive...] And it has everything to do with anything!
[But he just says that one huffy thing instead of actually explaining why it matters... Instead, his expression screws up a little as he tries to logically think this through.]
What, should I have pretended couples like that would stay together longer just so I could call 'em cute? That'd be an obvious lie, though...
[He wishes he could live in blissful ignorance like that... OH DOES HE WISH.]
So many. So many. I mean, the general public usually just oohs and ahhs over designers who put out flashy stuff, but word gets around reeeally fast in the industry if people have a bone to pick with you or don't like how you conduct yourself. It's the worst!
[TOO CUTTHROAT. He'd launch into another series of complaints because boy does he love to complain, except the bell rings and another customer comes in and Kashuu has to smack his customer service smile back on.]
[ for a moment there karkat had legitimately forgotten that kashuu is, technically, working, so when he goes back into character for Capitalism, karkat is actually caught off guard.
... he should probably work on his own customer service smile, really, but also, he refuses. ]
Is it usually this quiet here or is it just slow right now?
[ he's not even sure how long they've been talking. ]
[He is a freer man for it... Kashuu needs Insta-Charm for many different situations though, so customer service is just practice for the big gigs.]
It's pretty slow right now... Kinda weird, actually? Normally we're pretty busy. [THE MAGIC OF RP TIMING.
He slides pretty easily into taking this NPC's order after that, though, and fortunately the guy seems more interested in his phone than making small talk so Kashuu's free to turn his attention back while he works.]
Expressive might've rolled out a special today.
[Squinting into the distance with a very Dinkleberg expression...]
[ karkat looks in the direction kashuu is squinting at, as if expecting to see something there but. no. alright.
he recognizes the name expressive though. ]
That's that one coffee place, right?
[ as someone who also works in retail, karkat is well aware of the competitiveness between chains. karkat has no real attachment to his store though, since it's just recolle walgreens tbh, so he just shrugs it off usually. ]
[He's staring at the imagined projection of his MORTAL ENEMY!!
Mortal enemy is probably a little too harsh though, even if he's literally actively stolen customers straight out of Expressive's waiting line before...]
Yeah, they're pretty good but not as good as us. [A PAUSE.] That's not a bad idea, though. Maybe I'll ask Luke for some pointers, that guy just made a whole custom drink menu for his bar.
[ the only time karkat has been to luke's bar, they just talked about nonsense the entire time and karkat didn't realize until after her left that he never actually got a drink? sure it would have been something virgin since he's underaged but. not even a water damn. ]
Hell, maybe you could even do a special between your stores.
[Sometimes you just get stuck with really chatty individuals who eat up whole chunks of time and get nothing of value accomplished. Not that Kashuu is like that at all, of course...]
Right? I think I've said that before, too. I mean, coffee and liquor go together pretty well, yeah? People love that stuff. We could probably do a syrup swap for the underage crowd too, since we make our own and I think Luke might make his.
[ karkat would not know if coffee and liquor go well together because he has never had alcohol in his life, but he is going to take kashuu's word for it. ]
[He's an expert and he is 100% ready to prove it okay.]
Duh! We even have Irish whiskey-flavored syrup for people who like the taste a lot but don't wanna get drunk before they go in to work or whatever. Coffee and stuff like Bailey's is super popular, too.
[A PAUSE... And then he's back to work again, mixing up something else?! This time he uses a sample cup, at least, since it's just a shot of Irish whiskey syrup, a splash of cream, and a little drip coffee in the pot from the back counter.]
Well, you know what they say about alcohol, right? Every glass has different notes when you get to different points, so a good taste-testing would definitely have to be a whole drink.
[It's amazing how easily and smoothly he just pulls bullshit out of thin air... Clearly his time in both the customer service industry and school has done him well.]
[ the problem here is that kashuu has gotten him? karkat knows this sounds like bullshit, but as someone who knows fuck all about alcohol and what people say about it, he can't confidently refute this since, for all he knows, this might be a real thing. goddammit. ]
This sounds very wrong but I don't care enough to argue with you about it, but just know that I am onto you and your lies.
[ he points at his eyes and then he points at kashuu's. dramatically. ]
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[But he just says that one huffy thing instead of actually explaining why it matters... Instead, his expression screws up a little as he tries to logically think this through.]
What, should I have pretended couples like that would stay together longer just so I could call 'em cute? That'd be an obvious lie, though...
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[ also kashuu is seriously not helping the image that he is a lonely guy, forever single, here. ]
Now you just sound like someone housing bitter resentment over love.
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Oh my god, I'm getting farther and farther away from the end goal here.
[With said end goal being "have a cute and enjoyable personality". BITTER IS THE OPPOSITE OF CUTE.]
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What's the end goal?
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[At least he makes it sound a little better than it is in its fully watered-down form... "I wanna be the cutest" is not impressive he knows it.]
What if I come out with a Valentine's line someday or something? No one's gonna want to buy if they think I'm some bitter old cynic!
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[ karkat clearly does not know how vicious the fashion community can be, and how fast they will turn on a designer. ]
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So many. So many. I mean, the general public usually just oohs and ahhs over designers who put out flashy stuff, but word gets around reeeally fast in the industry if people have a bone to pick with you or don't like how you conduct yourself. It's the worst!
[TOO CUTTHROAT. He'd launch into another series of complaints because boy does he love to complain, except the bell rings and another customer comes in and Kashuu has to smack his customer service smile back on.]
Hey, welcome! I'll be right with you.
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... he should probably work on his own customer service smile, really, but also, he refuses. ]
Is it usually this quiet here or is it just slow right now?
[ he's not even sure how long they've been talking. ]
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It's pretty slow right now... Kinda weird, actually? Normally we're pretty busy. [THE MAGIC OF RP TIMING.
He slides pretty easily into taking this NPC's order after that, though, and fortunately the guy seems more interested in his phone than making small talk so Kashuu's free to turn his attention back while he works.]
Expressive might've rolled out a special today.
[Squinting into the distance with a very Dinkleberg expression...]
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he recognizes the name expressive though. ]
That's that one coffee place, right?
[ as someone who also works in retail, karkat is well aware of the competitiveness between chains. karkat has no real attachment to his store though, since it's just recolle walgreens tbh, so he just shrugs it off usually. ]
Maybe you should do a better special.
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Mortal enemy is probably a little too harsh though, even if he's literally actively stolen customers straight out of Expressive's waiting line before...]
Yeah, they're pretty good but not as good as us. [A PAUSE.] That's not a bad idea, though. Maybe I'll ask Luke for some pointers, that guy just made a whole custom drink menu for his bar.
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[ the only time karkat has been to luke's bar, they just talked about nonsense the entire time and karkat didn't realize until after her left that he never actually got a drink? sure it would have been something virgin since he's underaged but. not even a water damn. ]
Hell, maybe you could even do a special between your stores.
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Right? I think I've said that before, too. I mean, coffee and liquor go together pretty well, yeah? People love that stuff. We could probably do a syrup swap for the underage crowd too, since we make our own and I think Luke might make his.
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Do they go well together?
[ jk he did not take his word for it. ]
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Duh! We even have Irish whiskey-flavored syrup for people who like the taste a lot but don't wanna get drunk before they go in to work or whatever. Coffee and stuff like Bailey's is super popular, too.
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still just. nodding his head. ]
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Here, give that a try.
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he glances at the drink, not sure what to expect since he doesn't even know what real whiskey takes like. he takes a sip and makes a face. ]
Is that what whiskey takes like?
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A watered down version, more or less. The real alcohol has a kick to it that you can't really capture with syrup flavors.
[The real one's even worse.]
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Wait. How fucking old are you again?
[ karkat asks this because he realizes he has no clue how old kashuu is, but he doesn't think that he's of drinking age? ]
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Also Karkat is 100% correct.]
Twenty! But when you work with drinks it's important to know what flavors go best together, so a little taste-testing is fine.
[That is entirely bullshit and his punkass expression says he knows it.]
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[ karkat does not actually care enough to judge him or anything. if anything, he's amused? ]
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[It's amazing how easily and smoothly he just pulls bullshit out of thin air... Clearly his time in both the customer service industry and school has done him well.]
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This sounds very wrong but I don't care enough to argue with you about it, but just know that I am onto you and your lies.
[ he points at his eyes and then he points at kashuu's. dramatically. ]
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Eh? So you're an anti-ghost hunter and a detective?
[His tone is light and teasing, though, even as he brings up their trainwreck shitpost. Incredible.]
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