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[alienates]

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[alienates]

[ karkat waits a few seconds to see if dirk will elaborate, and then mentally berates himself for even assuming that a strider would explain himself. ]

You know, there isn't a draught on words. You do not need to hoard every single syllable because we're going to run out of them at any moment. Use longer fucking sentences while explaining what this is about.

[splinten]

You're certain that's what you want?

[He needs Karkat to be sure here.]

[alienates]

[ karkat doesn't even know what he's supposed to be sure about here. ]

Yes! It is definitely what I want, so tell me already. This isn't an ongoing series, there is no need for cliffhangers.

[splinten]

After long-term deliberation and a careful negotiation of duties between myself and my erstwhile inamorato and current amis sans amants , we have brought to conclusion one project vis-a-vis the cohabitation situation that currently demands the greatest allocation of our resources in terms of both temporal spans and consumption of the output of the tricarboxylic acid. Given that that flippin'-great catastro-fucking-phe of an interpersonal Charleston has at long last terminated its duration, I have considered it my duty both as pater familias in the ectobiological sense and rad elder-slash-younger brother in the adoptive sense to extend the care and consideration delivered to said erstwhile sheik, to lean on the nomenclature he illogically partakes of without either clear social or genetic source, to the presently-engaged generum or beau-frère—which I'd frankly sure as shit prefer because it's just fuckin' bizarre to follow the former despite biological accuracy—both for the sake of others and yours with respect to Big Brother in the only loosely Orwellian sense, figuratively applied to the literal understanding of 'big brother.'

It seemed like a good idea to show you the plans before I got started on it.

[alienates]

[ there is a very long silence. it is so long, in fact, that it may seem like karkat hung up the call.

but then a voice is heard, cutting through the quiet like a thing that cuts. the voice is laced with disbelief and horror, and someone hearing it would assume that the speaker has seen too much. the world has broken them.

obvious the voice is karkat's. ]

You have about two seconds to convince me not to block you forever after what you just subjected me to because what the flying fuck was that, literally none of that was real words.

[splinten]

I asked you if you were sure you wanted me to explain in longer sentences. Not my fault you can't handle the syntax and syllables, bro.

[So much for trying to convince Karkat of anything.]

[alienates]

I also meant in sentences that actually made any sort of fucking sense. You are aware that there is a middle ground between being curt and writing the most pretentious thesis of all time. I know that you Striders like to fly into everything at two hundreds miles per hour, but this is me, ever so gently reminding you that there is a brake pedal and you need to slam your foot against it and stop.

[ yeah karkat isn't even going to remember what dirk even called him to talk about at this rate.

also lmao at karkat calling anyone out for using long rambly sentences?? pot, kettle. ]

[splinten]

Thanks for the reminder.

How did you set up your Hive back before the game?

[Yeah Dirk has just decided this is going to happen. He'll talk to Dave so Dave can get Karkat's agreement properly.]

[alienates]

[ dirk just gets these sent to him.

even though karkat hasn't actually agreed to this yet but he still. sends it anyway?? ]

[splinten]

[Dirk puzzles over these comics. Holy shit. How is undyingUmbrage the only person Dirk knows who draws more poorly than this? He can tell the second is interior from the chair. Chair, and then paper... no... probably a computer? A door. What the fuck is that dead purple fish on the wall.

Wait, shit. Trolls sleep in cocoons. That has to be his cocoon? Holy shit.

Then the first one probably is an exterior.]

...I'll do my best to get it to specifications.

[Where there is a will there is an ironically bad way.]

[alienates]

Wait hold up, I never actually agreed to any of this.

[ he says, after he sent the very helpful and amazing and talented pictures he drew for dirk. ]

Maybe I am perfectly content where I already am, Dirk, did you consider that?

[ he literally just moves from place to place every night but details. ]

[splinten]

I considered it.

[And decided it was stupid.]

[alienates]

Don't you have other shit to work on? Every time I see you you're working on robots or staring lustfully at an orange or something, I am sure you are very busy.

[ he almost wants to ask why is dirk being nice to him except he is pretty sure the answer is dave but still?? weird, man. ]

[splinten]

Dude. You're part of the family now. The family sleeps together.

Picking up another project to accomplish that isn't an issue for me.

[It's the same monotone as always. Uninflected words and low emotional variation.

It also happens to be entirely sincere.]

[alienates]

[ oh.

karkat never even considered that dave's family might... reach out to him... like that? there's rose, but karkat had spent three years with her, and even then it's not like the two of them ever got obviously affectionate towards each other simply because of what their personalities are like.

he's only really known dirk for about two weeks though. and karkat isn't a stranger to people suddenly deciding that they're friends with him like this, but this is different since again, they are dave's family? karkat may not fully understand the human familial structure, but he gets it enough to know that they are a big fucking deal to his boyfriend. ]

Ok but have you also considered maybe a little less hugging? The two seconds I stayed there with you was like more cuddling than I have ever seen in my life and I had to deal with watching over a dozen people constantly mixing and matching their hookups. Maybe you can chill a bit on that front.

[ his tone is a little frantic because unlike dirk, karkat cannot hide when he is under emotional distress. the only thing he can do is ramble forever. ]

[splinten]

I considered it, and then decided it was a stupid fucking idea to try to limit the amount of time spent hugging when Dave and Roxy are both natural clingers. [Also Dirk likes hugs? Pretty much everyone in this family has suffered from Not Enough Hugging and Dirk is perfectly willing to put his coolkid persona in the trash to rectify this mistake.]

I know you aren't cool with PDA. It's why I'm suggesting a room attached to ours. You'll be nearby, but you'll have privacy when we get to be a bit much. There are shutters and no cameras built in. Not even URSULA will be able to see you in that room.

[She... might be able to hear him, he doesn't know, but he definitely ensured that there would be visual privacy. That swim-by witnessing is something that he imagines Karkat would not want to repeat. If he knew about it.]

[alienates]

[ yeah he'd probably attempt to like, hide inside a locker out of embarrassment if he found out someone actually saw that. and then he'd probably get stuck inside said locker and no one should have to deal with that. ]

Jegus you are so fucking weird.

[splinten]

It's been mentioned a couple times.

[Just gotta own it.]

[alienates]

I mean, you are less of a pretentious asshole than what your first impression gives off.

[ like... he is still pretentious, at least, but less of the asshole part.

sometimes less of the asshole part. dirk is still an asshole, but it's not like karkat can talk shit about someone else being one? he still will, he'd just also be a hypocrite while doing so. ]

[splinten]

Thanks.

You're as much of a loud asshole as your first impression gives off.

But it's growing on me.

[YOU WERE SAYING]

[alienates]

[ HOW DARE YOU ]

Wow, ex-fucking-scuse me, you rude fuck. Here I was, attempting to be nice to you and even giving you a sincere compliment, and your immediate thought is to insult me? If I knew that I was going to have my kindness unceremoniously thrown back in my face I would have at least worn a helmet to stop my feelings from being hurt. Perhaps next time you will consider that I am a real person with real emotions, unlike those robots that you may or may not be sticking your bone bulge into, I don't fucking know what you mechanical people do in your free time.

[splinten]

Take a selfie if you ever put that helmet on. I'll make it my phone wallpaper.

[Dirk says this but Dirk doesn't even have a phone to make his wallpaper???]

[alienates]

I do not have a helmet you pointy shithead! That was me being fictitious in order to better illustrate my point! And also I don't take selfies?

[ any and all of his selfies were because dave made them take one together. ]

[splinten]

You should. We can make a scrapbook for them.

[Incidentally, while Dirk says this to Karkat, he is in fact in the lab altering his plans for Karkat's room to incorporate elements of Karkat's pictures. To the best of his ability.]

[alienates]

[ listen.... karkat is going to attempt to murder him and it will be a Just death. ]

No? That sounds stupid. Also I refuse to believe you guys don't already have some sort of scrapbook for that very purpose.