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[alienates]

KARKAT VANTAS

I probably do not give a fuck.

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

Comments

[sharplydressed]

Hm...

[The face of someone who remains unconvinced: pictured here.]

Well, I guess that's not a bad thing in this case! You seem like you'd have a lot of funny things to say about this topic. I bet you'd be great at roasting your friend's dates.

[alienates]

They'd need to get dates first before I could even start.

[ granted, their love lives are still?? better than karkat's??

but the point still stands they are all mostly single. ]

[sharplydressed]

Eh? Wow, all of them? That's pretty-- honestly, I dunno whether to say sad or impressive. Better not to rush that stuff and all, so good for them, but still...

[But he's just imagining a big group of friendless losers and it's so tragic. Maybe he should offer free coffee dates for motivation??]

[alienates]

[ ... karkat would be offended but he would also like free coffee dates? this is a conflict of interests. ]

Well what about your friends? Are they all romantically involved then?

[sharplydressed]

[He can be offended and have free coffee dates! The best of both worlds.]

Not all of them. That'd just be weird. There's always a group of singles, y'know?

[He'd be tragically sad if he was the only single in his friend circle?! That'd be the worst fate.]

But a few of 'em are dating, yeah. One couple's in pretty deep, too - I think they're gonna last. The rest, eh...

[Why is he so rude.]

[alienates]

Well, most couples in our age range are going to break up. That's just stating facts?

[ also rude, and also slightly hypocritical because karkat is one of those people who is convinced that when he finds someone to date it's gonna be True Love and Soulmates and they're gonna get Married. so. ]

[sharplydressed]

[Surprisingly, he doesn't fall into that boat of mild hypocrisy, but dang he sure hopes he's one of The Few. That said--]

At least they're really cute while they last! I love new couples, they're adorable. That honeymoon stage is the best, y'know?

[Is he rude or is he a sap?? The eternal mystery.]

[alienates]

Did you know you have this way of sounding ridiculously condescending while simultaneously maintaining a sincere tone?

[ karkat does not seem critical of this fact. actually, he sounds fairly impressed? ]

[sharplydressed]

Who, me? [No, the other Kashuu Karkat is talking to.]

Eh... I don't! I don't really, do I? Being condescending isn't cute at all. [Which is clearly the problem here?!] And I totally was sincere!

[alienates]

Okay but just because you were allegedly sincere doesn't mean you can't also be condescending. And what does being cute have to do with anything?

[ karkat does not agree that that's the problem here?? NO? ]

[sharplydressed]

Those two things don't work together at all! [That's probably why it's mildly impressive...] And it has everything to do with anything!

[But he just says that one huffy thing instead of actually explaining why it matters... Instead, his expression screws up a little as he tries to logically think this through.]

What, should I have pretended couples like that would stay together longer just so I could call 'em cute? That'd be an obvious lie, though...

[alienates]

Hey, some people might think you're being honest!

[ also kashuu is seriously not helping the image that he is a lonely guy, forever single, here. ]

Now you just sound like someone housing bitter resentment over love.

[sharplydressed]

[He wants everyone to think he's honest!! And not lonely bitter and forever single--!]

Oh my god, I'm getting farther and farther away from the end goal here.

[With said end goal being "have a cute and enjoyable personality". BITTER IS THE OPPOSITE OF CUTE.]

[alienates]

[ well, that response earns him a head tilt and a raised eyebrow because karkat was not really expecting it, but it's still funny. ]

What's the end goal?

[sharplydressed]

The end goal is to be the likeable kind of person that people would trust their wardrobes to!

[At least he makes it sound a little better than it is in its fully watered-down form... "I wanna be the cutest" is not impressive he knows it.]

What if I come out with a Valentine's line someday or something? No one's gonna want to buy if they think I'm some bitter old cynic!

[alienates]

Are you sure? How many people actually pay attention to the person who puts the line out?

[ karkat clearly does not know how vicious the fashion community can be, and how fast they will turn on a designer. ]

[sharplydressed]

[He wishes he could live in blissful ignorance like that... OH DOES HE WISH.]

So many. So many. I mean, the general public usually just oohs and ahhs over designers who put out flashy stuff, but word gets around reeeally fast in the industry if people have a bone to pick with you or don't like how you conduct yourself. It's the worst!

[TOO CUTTHROAT. He'd launch into another series of complaints because boy does he love to complain, except the bell rings and another customer comes in and Kashuu has to smack his customer service smile back on.]

Hey, welcome! I'll be right with you.

[alienates]

[ for a moment there karkat had legitimately forgotten that kashuu is, technically, working, so when he goes back into character for Capitalism, karkat is actually caught off guard.

... he should probably work on his own customer service smile, really, but also, he refuses. ]

Is it usually this quiet here or is it just slow right now?

[ he's not even sure how long they've been talking. ]

[sharplydressed]

[He is a freer man for it... Kashuu needs Insta-Charm for many different situations though, so customer service is just practice for the big gigs.]

It's pretty slow right now... Kinda weird, actually? Normally we're pretty busy. [THE MAGIC OF RP TIMING.

He slides pretty easily into taking this NPC's order after that, though, and fortunately the guy seems more interested in his phone than making small talk so Kashuu's free to turn his attention back while he works.]

Expressive might've rolled out a special today.

[Squinting into the distance with a very Dinkleberg expression...]

[alienates]

[ karkat looks in the direction kashuu is squinting at, as if expecting to see something there but. no. alright.

he recognizes the name expressive though. ]

That's that one coffee place, right?

[ as someone who also works in retail, karkat is well aware of the competitiveness between chains. karkat has no real attachment to his store though, since it's just recolle walgreens tbh, so he just shrugs it off usually. ]

Maybe you should do a better special.

[sharplydressed]

[He's staring at the imagined projection of his MORTAL ENEMY!!

Mortal enemy is probably a little too harsh though, even if he's literally actively stolen customers straight out of Expressive's waiting line before...]

Yeah, they're pretty good but not as good as us. [A PAUSE.] That's not a bad idea, though. Maybe I'll ask Luke for some pointers, that guy just made a whole custom drink menu for his bar.

[alienates]

Did he?

[ the only time karkat has been to luke's bar, they just talked about nonsense the entire time and karkat didn't realize until after her left that he never actually got a drink? sure it would have been something virgin since he's underaged but. not even a water damn. ]

Hell, maybe you could even do a special between your stores.

[sharplydressed]

[Sometimes you just get stuck with really chatty individuals who eat up whole chunks of time and get nothing of value accomplished. Not that Kashuu is like that at all, of course...]

Right? I think I've said that before, too. I mean, coffee and liquor go together pretty well, yeah? People love that stuff. We could probably do a syrup swap for the underage crowd too, since we make our own and I think Luke might make his.

[alienates]

[ karkat would not know if coffee and liquor go well together because he has never had alcohol in his life, but he is going to take kashuu's word for it. ]

Do they go well together?

[ jk he did not take his word for it. ]

[sharplydressed]

[He's an expert and he is 100% ready to prove it okay.]

Duh! We even have Irish whiskey-flavored syrup for people who like the taste a lot but don't wanna get drunk before they go in to work or whatever. Coffee and stuff like Bailey's is super popular, too.