I can't get him to stop it? This stupid burning the hellpuppet thing. He loves that fucking thing and he's burning it.
[ maybe it's not because of dave any longer, but he doesn't buy it because it never would have come up if not for dave. so. it's his fault and he can't fix it. every time he lets dirk know something bro did or freaks out he tries to back it up even if it hurts.
maybe dirk's working on it, maybe his speech meant something, but dave just feels sick to his stomach about bro burning cal.
dirk. dirk burning cal. ]
We're not gonna argue about it? Because there's shit I shouldn't have fuckin' told him but I did and it only ever made things worse. So I'm going to not from now on.
[ karkat is torn on how to answer here because on one hand, he is pretty sure this decision will come back to bite them in the spinal crevice. both dave and dirk have told karkat, in separate instances, that they are attempting to be open and honest with each other and karkat could tell that was important to them? you had to be blind (sorry terezi) to not be able to see how close the striders were. this is a step back.
on the other hand. karkat knows what's it like to fuck over relationships because he has said shit that he shouldn't have. it's the story of his entire life, basically? he made everything so much more difficult for himself because he just keeps talking, all the time, and maybe if he reeled that in things would be different. ]
And what exactly was his response to this brilliant solution you have come up with, Strider?
When he told me he was gonna burn Cal he looked completely fuckin' wrecked, the first time.
[ said he didn't want to do it the second time, even though he also said shit about it being his decision, but - ]
And every time certain shit comes up, it makes things worse for him. You...know I don't talk about some shit at all. I tried talking about that stuff with him, okay? And it didn't work. This isn't what working looks like.
[ he rubs his jaw, although there's not a mark there. there was, a little while ago. ]
It doesn't matter if he thinks it's a dumb idea, because I knew it was too much for anyone else to deal with and I was stupid enough to open my mouth about it anyway.
[ yeah, okay, karkat has decided that this is really too public of an area for this type of conversation. it's a miracle no one has walked in on them yet? so he steps back from dave, although almost as soon as he does so he grabs dave's hand. this is probably the most pda-y he will ever be for a long time, but desperate times, etc.
he drags dave into the first empty room he can find that isn't one of the normal common rooms. the chances of being interrupted now are much more slim. ]
So where do you fit in with all of this? Making sure he comes out okay is fine, I guess, but where exactly does this leave you in the grand scheme of emotional stablity?
[ like, the same place he always is? which dave has realized in recent months is a terrible spot, but he has no idea how to fix it. he'd been trying for years before getting here, had figured out it was all right to allow people beyond rose jade john to care, but really most times he's not sure where he stands on a lot of shit.
dave had allowed himself to be tugged along and just. shrugs. at the question. ]
I'm fine. I don't need to talk to anyone about the stuff we were talking about. I never did before.
[ so: he pulled back hard and plans to stay that way, at a wary, casual distance. ]
I'm not about to fall to pieces, Kitkat, gimme a little credit here.
To be quite fucking honest, this entire shit show has been a pretty compelling argument on why I should never give you any credit ever?
[ like, the last few hours have been nothing but everyone falling to pieces.
and the thing about hating yourself is that you also tend to not know how to take care of yourself. and this is pretty hypocritical of karkat, since he won't be becoming the poster child for self-love any time soon, but. dave is important. ]
Like you can't tell me you're not going to fall apart when you literally just vanished to who knows where for almost a whole month?
[ i.e. dave made yet another alien friend. for. whatever reason. ]
And yeah, I can totally tell you that? I needed time to chill the fuck out and get in the right mindset, that's literally it. Come on, it's not like you and Rose would let me break or anything anyway.
[ dave says, as though he regularly brings his problems to anyone at all. although that is even more unlikely than usual to change since he apparently decided that was clearly not a thing that worked re: dirk. ok, dave. ]
[ karkat almost, almost asks who that is but like. it's probably another fucking alien fish. it's always alien fish. stop adopting alien fish?
he just scowls though. he and rose do not have many interests that overlap, but the thing they have most in common is how invested they are in certain individuals and the very extreme measures they would go for said people. and unlike dirk, neither of them really have to carefully step around an abusive shadow. so if the situation called for it, he is pretty sure they'd be more effective than the orange strider. but.
that shouldn't even be a thing they should have to worry about????? goddammit dave ]
I mean, I'd like to break your mouth sometimes? Primarily the mouth area whenever you start spouting stupid crap. For example... like now.
It's not stupid. All of it is too much for him, literally all I'm gonna do is treat him like. John.
[ a john he is avoiding, anyway. as much as he loves john, dave would never consider, like, heaping his problems on john. or discussing bro in a real way, ever. he'd still tell john bro was the bomb, even.
dave shrugs again. ]
...Our solutions to shit almost always prioritize me so far and I hate it. Burning his fucking guardian for me is the final surefire sign that we need to dial it back five thousand notches. I'm not giving him a single indication that he can use to do something else stubborn and crazy as fuck that's like stabbing himself in the gut. If you're worried 'bout my stability, that continuing to be a thing would probs make my stability not a thing. So.
Alright, so let's say this dumb plan works out. I know you said it isn't dumb, but also, it is. You probably don't really notice since you were in the middle of it, but the two of you were literally always together? Literally any time I walked in on you and you weren't clinging to his walk stump I would be shocked.
[ he just kind of. gestures lamely. ] Are the two of you really going to be able to deal with being like that for several months in a row to. Not.
[ but he. shrugs. again. he still looks incredibly neutral on the topic. that's probably actually not normal but whatever??? ]
Idk, Mom and Jade's grandpa are both here, he should be fine? And you and Rose and John are all here. I'm p sure the whole me clinging to his leg thing wasn't helping. Maybe we can go back to spending more time together when I'm better at him not reading me.
[ okay but like, the whole neutrality thing is not helping dave's case?? cause like, dave isn't normally that expressive of a dude, but he does emote more than, you know, dirk. so if he is keeping his expression completely blank then it
obviously isn't fucking okay seriously fuck u dave???? ]
Kind of like how you are really going out of your way right now to make sure I don't read you. I swear your face has barely fucking twitched during this entire conversation.
[ well, aside from the more jokey parts. like whoever the fuck p-diddy is. karkat still refuses to ask. ]
[ dave you shitty dick stop with the time bs..............
but karkat still doesn't look too pleased, partly since he doesn't believe dave is actually sorry. despite that, he will actually lean in to kiss dave, a lot more gently this time in comparison to the one from two hours ago (over four weeks) ago. karkat figures if there is one way to at least somewhat lessen the edge, it's that, and also he just wanted to do it.
he also wants to punch him but he decides to wait until dave does something to truly piss him off again before attempting that. ]
[ he didn't want to show up with a bruise from getting punched???? karkat would have been pissed off??? honestly karkat probably knows dave won't actually stop him from like, punching him. karkat is used to dave absconding for periods of time before coming back and just kind of allowing whatever to happen.
he did find a shortcut to shaking dave out of his weird mood, at least - he can't remain carefully neutral when karkat leans in, and instead kisses back, his left hand rising to the side of karkat's neck. ]
[ other things karkat is used to: dave not knowing how to shut the fuck up. which is actually a shared problem between them but whatever.
anyway this is the one advantage karkat has over dave that no one else has and he will use it?? even if it's cheating but dave cheats all the time so!! ]
Why do you keep talking, holy shit. [ says the guy who is also interrupting the kiss to talk? ]
[ UGH karkat doesn't want to talk about dirk!! well, he does, but he wants to talk about dave's relationship with dirk. not his own?? he just wants to hold a grudge forever at the guy and be mad, why won't dave let this be a thing. ]
As hard of a time as I usually give to him.
[ no he's probably gonna continue to be an asshole ]
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[ because he can't deal, so he just has to
timeloop until he can in the month time limit he managed to get dirk to agree to?
plans karkat never needs to know about ]
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Oh, no, trust me. I am fully aware that you fucked up exponentially here. That doesn't make me any less pissed off at his general direction though.
[ although a lot of the context for why karkat is mad, again, has to do with his own conversation with dirk before this confrontation even happened. ]
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It wasn't his fault at all, though. I'm the one who couldn't deal with one of my issues. Not his responsibility to make it into his issue.
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[ like, karkat is still trying to figure dirk out, and he is pretty sure he will never get that far with that because dirk is just ????
but he has definitely noticed this fact, at the very least. ]
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[ ah
there we have it, dave strider's next brilliant plan ]
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karkat leans back enough so his face is no longer pressed against dave's chest so he can look up at this fucking idiot?? ]
Are you going to elaborate immediately or are we going to have to waste another five minutes arguing about this?
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[ maybe it's not because of dave any longer, but he doesn't buy it because it never would have come up if not for dave. so. it's his fault and he can't fix it. every time he lets dirk know something bro did or freaks out he tries to back it up even if it hurts.
maybe dirk's working on it, maybe his speech meant something, but dave just feels sick to his stomach about bro burning cal.
dirk. dirk burning cal. ]
We're not gonna argue about it? Because there's shit I shouldn't have fuckin' told him but I did and it only ever made things worse. So I'm going to not from now on.
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on the other hand. karkat knows what's it like to fuck over relationships because he has said shit that he shouldn't have. it's the story of his entire life, basically? he made everything so much more difficult for himself because he just keeps talking, all the time, and maybe if he reeled that in things would be different. ]
And what exactly was his response to this brilliant solution you have come up with, Strider?
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[ said he didn't want to do it the second time, even though he also said shit about it being his decision, but - ]
And every time certain shit comes up, it makes things worse for him. You...know I don't talk about some shit at all. I tried talking about that stuff with him, okay? And it didn't work. This isn't what working looks like.
[ he rubs his jaw, although there's not a mark there. there was, a little while ago. ]
It doesn't matter if he thinks it's a dumb idea, because I knew it was too much for anyone else to deal with and I was stupid enough to open my mouth about it anyway.
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he drags dave into the first empty room he can find that isn't one of the normal common rooms. the chances of being interrupted now are much more slim. ]
So where do you fit in with all of this? Making sure he comes out okay is fine, I guess, but where exactly does this leave you in the grand scheme of emotional stablity?
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dave had allowed himself to be tugged along and just. shrugs. at the question. ]
I'm fine. I don't need to talk to anyone about the stuff we were talking about. I never did before.
[ so: he pulled back hard and plans to stay that way, at a wary, casual distance. ]
I'm not about to fall to pieces, Kitkat, gimme a little credit here.
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[ like, the last few hours have been nothing but everyone falling to pieces.
and the thing about hating yourself is that you also tend to not know how to take care of yourself. and this is pretty hypocritical of karkat, since he won't be becoming the poster child for self-love any time soon, but. dave is important. ]
Like you can't tell me you're not going to fall apart when you literally just vanished to who knows where for almost a whole month?
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[ i.e. dave made yet another alien friend. for. whatever reason. ]
And yeah, I can totally tell you that? I needed time to chill the fuck out and get in the right mindset, that's literally it. Come on, it's not like you and Rose would let me break or anything anyway.
[ dave says, as though he regularly brings his problems to anyone at all. although that is even more unlikely than usual to change since he apparently decided that was clearly not a thing that worked re: dirk. ok, dave. ]
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he just scowls though. he and rose do not have many interests that overlap, but the thing they have most in common is how invested they are in certain individuals and the very extreme measures they would go for said people. and unlike dirk, neither of them really have to carefully step around an abusive shadow. so if the situation called for it, he is pretty sure they'd be more effective than the orange strider. but.
that shouldn't even be a thing they should have to worry about????? goddammit dave ]
I mean, I'd like to break your mouth sometimes? Primarily the mouth area whenever you start spouting stupid crap. For example... like now.
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[ a john he is avoiding, anyway. as much as he loves john, dave would never consider, like, heaping his problems on john. or discussing bro in a real way, ever. he'd still tell john bro was the bomb, even.
dave shrugs again. ]
...Our solutions to shit almost always prioritize me so far and I hate it. Burning his fucking guardian for me is the final surefire sign that we need to dial it back five thousand notches. I'm not giving him a single indication that he can use to do something else stubborn and crazy as fuck that's like stabbing himself in the gut. If you're worried 'bout my stability, that continuing to be a thing would probs make my stability not a thing. So.
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[ he just kind of. gestures lamely. ] Are the two of you really going to be able to deal with being like that for several months in a row to. Not.
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[ but he. shrugs. again. he still looks incredibly neutral on the topic. that's probably actually not normal but whatever??? ]
Idk, Mom and Jade's grandpa are both here, he should be fine? And you and Rose and John are all here. I'm p sure the whole me clinging to his leg thing wasn't helping. Maybe we can go back to spending more time together when I'm better at him not reading me.
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obviously isn't fucking okay seriously fuck u dave???? ]
Kind of like how you are really going out of your way right now to make sure I don't read you. I swear your face has barely fucking twitched during this entire conversation.
[ well, aside from the more jokey parts. like whoever the fuck p-diddy is. karkat still refuses to ask. ]
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...Yeah, I just got back from talking to Dirk.
[ plus a few days to heal a bruise lmfao ]
Sorry.
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but karkat still doesn't look too pleased, partly since he doesn't believe dave is actually sorry. despite that, he will actually lean in to kiss dave, a lot more gently this time in comparison to the one from two hours ago (over four weeks) ago. karkat figures if there is one way to at least somewhat lessen the edge, it's that, and also he just wanted to do it.
he also wants to punch him but he decides to wait until dave does something to truly piss him off again before attempting that. ]
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he did find a shortcut to shaking dave out of his weird mood, at least - he can't remain carefully neutral when karkat leans in, and instead kisses back, his left hand rising to the side of karkat's neck. ]
Hey. [ shut up dave ]
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anyway this is the one advantage karkat has over dave that no one else has and he will use it?? even if it's cheating but dave cheats all the time so!! ]
Why do you keep talking, holy shit. [ says the guy who is also interrupting the kiss to talk? ]
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[ oh ok we're back to the topic of dirk.
sorry karkat ]
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As hard of a time as I usually give to him.
[ no he's probably gonna continue to be an asshole ]
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and
that's it. try again?????? ]
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