No shit. You have to have some self-respect or else you'll end up becoming one of those people who shout, "relationship goals!" at pictures of people opening the door for each other. Like. What the fuck? That's not goals, that's someone being a decent human being.
[The face of someone who remains unconvinced: pictured here.]
Well, I guess that's not a bad thing in this case! You seem like you'd have a lot of funny things to say about this topic. I bet you'd be great at roasting your friend's dates.
Eh? Wow, all of them? That's pretty-- honestly, I dunno whether to say sad or impressive. Better not to rush that stuff and all, so good for them, but still...
[But he's just imagining a big group of friendless losers and it's so tragic. Maybe he should offer free coffee dates for motivation??]
Well, most couples in our age range are going to break up. That's just stating facts?
[ also rude, and also slightly hypocritical because karkat is one of those people who is convinced that when he finds someone to date it's gonna be True Love and Soulmates and they're gonna get Married. so. ]
Those two things don't work together at all! [That's probably why it's mildly impressive...] And it has everything to do with anything!
[But he just says that one huffy thing instead of actually explaining why it matters... Instead, his expression screws up a little as he tries to logically think this through.]
What, should I have pretended couples like that would stay together longer just so I could call 'em cute? That'd be an obvious lie, though...
[He wishes he could live in blissful ignorance like that... OH DOES HE WISH.]
So many. So many. I mean, the general public usually just oohs and ahhs over designers who put out flashy stuff, but word gets around reeeally fast in the industry if people have a bone to pick with you or don't like how you conduct yourself. It's the worst!
[TOO CUTTHROAT. He'd launch into another series of complaints because boy does he love to complain, except the bell rings and another customer comes in and Kashuu has to smack his customer service smile back on.]
[ for a moment there karkat had legitimately forgotten that kashuu is, technically, working, so when he goes back into character for Capitalism, karkat is actually caught off guard.
... he should probably work on his own customer service smile, really, but also, he refuses. ]
Is it usually this quiet here or is it just slow right now?
[ he's not even sure how long they've been talking. ]
[He is a freer man for it... Kashuu needs Insta-Charm for many different situations though, so customer service is just practice for the big gigs.]
It's pretty slow right now... Kinda weird, actually? Normally we're pretty busy. [THE MAGIC OF RP TIMING.
He slides pretty easily into taking this NPC's order after that, though, and fortunately the guy seems more interested in his phone than making small talk so Kashuu's free to turn his attention back while he works.]
Expressive might've rolled out a special today.
[Squinting into the distance with a very Dinkleberg expression...]
[ karkat looks in the direction kashuu is squinting at, as if expecting to see something there but. no. alright.
he recognizes the name expressive though. ]
That's that one coffee place, right?
[ as someone who also works in retail, karkat is well aware of the competitiveness between chains. karkat has no real attachment to his store though, since it's just recolle walgreens tbh, so he just shrugs it off usually. ]
[He's staring at the imagined projection of his MORTAL ENEMY!!
Mortal enemy is probably a little too harsh though, even if he's literally actively stolen customers straight out of Expressive's waiting line before...]
Yeah, they're pretty good but not as good as us. [A PAUSE.] That's not a bad idea, though. Maybe I'll ask Luke for some pointers, that guy just made a whole custom drink menu for his bar.
[ the only time karkat has been to luke's bar, they just talked about nonsense the entire time and karkat didn't realize until after her left that he never actually got a drink? sure it would have been something virgin since he's underaged but. not even a water damn. ]
Hell, maybe you could even do a special between your stores.
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[ karkat has a lot of opinions on this. ]
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[Because even just one sentence in and he can tell that Karkat has a lot of opinions on this...]
Even though I get the feeling you might've already done that? Or at least you've totally had this conversation before.
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It just comes up a lot!
[ ..... because karkat makes it come up a lot. ]
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[The face of someone who remains unconvinced: pictured here.]
Well, I guess that's not a bad thing in this case! You seem like you'd have a lot of funny things to say about this topic. I bet you'd be great at roasting your friend's dates.
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[ granted, their love lives are still?? better than karkat's??
but the point still stands they are all mostly single. ]
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[But he's just imagining a big group of friendless losers and it's so tragic. Maybe he should offer free coffee dates for motivation??]
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Well what about your friends? Are they all romantically involved then?
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Not all of them. That'd just be weird. There's always a group of singles, y'know?
[He'd be tragically sad if he was the only single in his friend circle?! That'd be the worst fate.]
But a few of 'em are dating, yeah. One couple's in pretty deep, too - I think they're gonna last. The rest, eh...
[Why is he so rude.]
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[ also rude, and also slightly hypocritical because karkat is one of those people who is convinced that when he finds someone to date it's gonna be True Love and Soulmates and they're gonna get Married. so. ]
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At least they're really cute while they last! I love new couples, they're adorable. That honeymoon stage is the best, y'know?
[Is he rude or is he a sap?? The eternal mystery.]
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[ karkat does not seem critical of this fact. actually, he sounds fairly impressed? ]
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Eh... I don't! I don't really, do I? Being condescending isn't cute at all. [Which is clearly the problem here?!] And I totally was sincere!
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[ karkat does not agree that that's the problem here?? NO? ]
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[But he just says that one huffy thing instead of actually explaining why it matters... Instead, his expression screws up a little as he tries to logically think this through.]
What, should I have pretended couples like that would stay together longer just so I could call 'em cute? That'd be an obvious lie, though...
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[ also kashuu is seriously not helping the image that he is a lonely guy, forever single, here. ]
Now you just sound like someone housing bitter resentment over love.
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Oh my god, I'm getting farther and farther away from the end goal here.
[With said end goal being "have a cute and enjoyable personality". BITTER IS THE OPPOSITE OF CUTE.]
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What's the end goal?
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[At least he makes it sound a little better than it is in its fully watered-down form... "I wanna be the cutest" is not impressive he knows it.]
What if I come out with a Valentine's line someday or something? No one's gonna want to buy if they think I'm some bitter old cynic!
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[ karkat clearly does not know how vicious the fashion community can be, and how fast they will turn on a designer. ]
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So many. So many. I mean, the general public usually just oohs and ahhs over designers who put out flashy stuff, but word gets around reeeally fast in the industry if people have a bone to pick with you or don't like how you conduct yourself. It's the worst!
[TOO CUTTHROAT. He'd launch into another series of complaints because boy does he love to complain, except the bell rings and another customer comes in and Kashuu has to smack his customer service smile back on.]
Hey, welcome! I'll be right with you.
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... he should probably work on his own customer service smile, really, but also, he refuses. ]
Is it usually this quiet here or is it just slow right now?
[ he's not even sure how long they've been talking. ]
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It's pretty slow right now... Kinda weird, actually? Normally we're pretty busy. [THE MAGIC OF RP TIMING.
He slides pretty easily into taking this NPC's order after that, though, and fortunately the guy seems more interested in his phone than making small talk so Kashuu's free to turn his attention back while he works.]
Expressive might've rolled out a special today.
[Squinting into the distance with a very Dinkleberg expression...]
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he recognizes the name expressive though. ]
That's that one coffee place, right?
[ as someone who also works in retail, karkat is well aware of the competitiveness between chains. karkat has no real attachment to his store though, since it's just recolle walgreens tbh, so he just shrugs it off usually. ]
Maybe you should do a better special.
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Mortal enemy is probably a little too harsh though, even if he's literally actively stolen customers straight out of Expressive's waiting line before...]
Yeah, they're pretty good but not as good as us. [A PAUSE.] That's not a bad idea, though. Maybe I'll ask Luke for some pointers, that guy just made a whole custom drink menu for his bar.
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[ the only time karkat has been to luke's bar, they just talked about nonsense the entire time and karkat didn't realize until after her left that he never actually got a drink? sure it would have been something virgin since he's underaged but. not even a water damn. ]
Hell, maybe you could even do a special between your stores.
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