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[alienates]

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[parodeity]

[ casually snags his shades back ]

Dude, c'mon. You know you want to shout at me in person, I'm not even arguing I did anything right?

[alienates]

Are you going to tell me how long you were actually gone from your perspective?

[ he points at the exit. ] Since, you know, you're going to wander off to do something else eventually and the second that happens I am gone.

[parodeity]

[ he crosses his arms. ]

Three weeks four days five hours and thirty-three seconds.

[ but it was Important ]

[alienates]

[ karkat fucking tackles him ]

[parodeity]

[ dave just lets it happen but he keeps them both upright tbh since he was. expecting that. ]

It was important?

[alienates]

[ first of all... fuck u it's less satisfying if they don't hit the ground. ]

I should have broke your glasses in half you fucknut.

[ he would have never done that but like

he regrets the fact that he would never do that so much right now. ]

[parodeity]

[ dude he will topple over backwards if you ask ]

You wouldn't, though. You're not actually as much of a dick as you make yourself out to be.

[alienates]

[ no that also takes the fun out of it. dave you should just automatically know this and topple backwards without him asking??? rude. ]

How do you know that? Maybe in the last three weeks four days five hours and thirty-three seconds I've become an even bigger dick than you know.

[parodeity]

It was two hours for you.

[ ok whatever keep trying to knock him over or whatever dave will just hug you he supposes ]

[alienates]

[ he is going to struggle for several minutes but when dave does not go down, karkat just

stops and buries his face in dave's chest.

while still complaining, although now it's somewhat muffled. ]

It didn't feel like two fucking hours.

[parodeity]

[ he just rests his chin on karkat's head. ]

It was, though. I told you it'd only be that long for you.

[alienates]

Well excuse me for not being able to keep track of time to the exact nanosecond, you annoying douche.

[ he finally wraps his arms around dave and it hits him that they are literally standing at the front door of the base they share with like forty other people, and that this is the exact level of pda that he wants to avoid at all costs or else he may actually die. ]

You are so, so fucking lucky that I love you, I swear to literally every god in bullshit magical pajamas.

[parodeity]

I know I am.

[ really, he does, because karkat yells at him 99% of the time but it's usually not mean-spirited and even if it is mean-spirited dave usually said something to deserve...that...because he likes playing with fire and also is a dumbass fairly frequently. ]

I pretty much do not deserve any of you putting up with my bullshit but you in particular so. Thanks? I'll watch 50 First Dates with you? Even though that movie sucks. Like. God. Drew Barrymore has been in better chick flicks, I should know, you've made me watch all of 'em.

[alienates]

You can't take that back now that you've said it. You have been locked in the Sandler zone and you will stay awake for all one hour and thirty-nine minutes of it.

[ he is still pissed but his relief far outweighs his anger. he had given jake the span of a month for a possible length of time dave would actually be gone, and he hates that he wasn't actually too far off the mark?

what a dumb boyfriend. ]

[parodeity]

Yeah, I know. I never promised not to mock it mercilessly, though, you realize.

[ ... ]

But just this once, I'll refrain, I guess.

[alienates]

[ he lightly headbutts dave in a "yeah good you fucking better refrain" way.

hm. he should probably confess to something though. ]

I told Dirk to fuck off btw.

[ he should probably also confess to knowing that cal has been here since almost the moment dirk found the puppet but also. nah. he's not gonna do that. ]

[parodeity]

You shouldn't've. This one's all on me.

[ because he can't deal, so he just has to

timeloop until he can in the month time limit he managed to get dirk to agree to?

plans karkat never needs to know about ]

[alienates]

[ OR DAVE CAN NOT DO THAT????? ]

Oh, no, trust me. I am fully aware that you fucked up exponentially here. That doesn't make me any less pissed off at his general direction though.

[ although a lot of the context for why karkat is mad, again, has to do with his own conversation with dirk before this confrontation even happened. ]

[parodeity]

[ no consider: he's doing it!! ]

It wasn't his fault at all, though. I'm the one who couldn't deal with one of my issues. Not his responsibility to make it into his issue.

[alienates]

Dude, have you fucking met the guy? He seems incapable of not making other people's issues his issues.

[ like, karkat is still trying to figure dirk out, and he is pretty sure he will never get that far with that because dirk is just ????

but he has definitely noticed this fact, at the very least. ]

[parodeity]

Yeah. So I can't let him know about any of mine.

[ ah

there we have it, dave strider's next brilliant plan ]

[alienates]

[ it takes a bit of a moment for what dave just said to sink in.

karkat leans back enough so his face is no longer pressed against dave's chest so he can look up at this fucking idiot?? ]

Are you going to elaborate immediately or are we going to have to waste another five minutes arguing about this?

[parodeity]

I can't get him to stop it? This stupid burning the hellpuppet thing. He loves that fucking thing and he's burning it.

[ maybe it's not because of dave any longer, but he doesn't buy it because it never would have come up if not for dave. so. it's his fault and he can't fix it. every time he lets dirk know something bro did or freaks out he tries to back it up even if it hurts.

maybe dirk's working on it, maybe his speech meant something, but dave just feels sick to his stomach about bro burning cal.

dirk. dirk burning cal. ]

We're not gonna argue about it? Because there's shit I shouldn't have fuckin' told him but I did and it only ever made things worse. So I'm going to not from now on.

[alienates]

[ karkat is torn on how to answer here because on one hand, he is pretty sure this decision will come back to bite them in the spinal crevice. both dave and dirk have told karkat, in separate instances, that they are attempting to be open and honest with each other and karkat could tell that was important to them? you had to be blind (sorry terezi) to not be able to see how close the striders were. this is a step back.

on the other hand. karkat knows what's it like to fuck over relationships because he has said shit that he shouldn't have. it's the story of his entire life, basically? he made everything so much more difficult for himself because he just keeps talking, all the time, and maybe if he reeled that in things would be different. ]

And what exactly was his response to this brilliant solution you have come up with, Strider?

[parodeity]

When he told me he was gonna burn Cal he looked completely fuckin' wrecked, the first time.

[ said he didn't want to do it the second time, even though he also said shit about it being his decision, but - ]

And every time certain shit comes up, it makes things worse for him. You...know I don't talk about some shit at all. I tried talking about that stuff with him, okay? And it didn't work. This isn't what working looks like.

[ he rubs his jaw, although there's not a mark there. there was, a little while ago. ]

It doesn't matter if he thinks it's a dumb idea, because I knew it was too much for anyone else to deal with and I was stupid enough to open my mouth about it anyway.