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[alienates]

KARKAT VANTAS

I probably do not give a fuck.

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

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[alienates]

Anne Hathaway.

[ karkat says it seriously, as if this is a completely normal and respectable name for a cat. which is it. anyone who says otherwise can fuck off. ]

She's the one I'm definitely keeping because the first thing she did when she was able to wander around on her own was piss in my shoe.

[sharplydressed]

[IS IT REALLY. He looks a little surprised and nearly laughs, but it's partially at the name and partially at the fact that apparently Karkat likes small terror cats...]

Eh, seriously? She sounds like she's gonna be a handful if that's the kind of stuff she gets up to.

[alienates]

It means she has personality.

[ he takes her off his shoulder and holds her out to kashuu to take. here, have a cat? so karkat can go find out where the heck the other ones are. ]

[sharplydressed]

That's a real generous way to think of it.

[But he'll reach out to take this cat and IMMEDIATELY GET SUCKERED IN by its soft kitten-y warmth. Why are baby animals the best thing to ever exist? He wonders that to himself while making a conscious effort to not be one of those people who coos at them. It's a struggle.]

It's gonna be a lot less hectic without all these kittens wandering around, huh?

[alienates]

I'd be able to walk five feet without having my ankles attacked, yes.

[ he sounds EXASPERATED but he has already made it clear that he loves his dumb cats so he's probably not fooling anyone. ]

Are you sure you don't want one?

[sharplydressed]

[He's not fooling anyone at all, it's true...]

Your ankles are probably gonna like the break, at least. [Break, implying that it's only a matter of time before Karkat ends up surrounded by cats yet again.]

Mm... Have any of 'em not been claimed? Or, uh... had their prospective owners scrubbed off the app, I guess.

[alienates]

[ he scowls at that, and his impression is enough to answer the question, really. karkat had expected some people might change their mind, but having people lose the app is even more annoying. ]

Yeah. I need to find new owners for a couple of them now.

[sharplydressed]

[IT'S DEFINITELY A PROBLEM... Both with cat-related issues and just in general because people becoming NPCs again is horrifying.]

Mm... And you said that like, small areas wouldn't really be a problem? My apartment's pretty small and we got a bum crashing in the corner now, too.

[Yato.]

[alienates]

[ yato get a job ]

As long as you know how to care for it and have stuff for the dude to play with, it should be fine.

[sharplydressed]

[Yato's job is professional couch surfer.

ALSO DAMN HE IS seriously looking like he's considering this.]

...Can I see them? Just like, a memory refresher.

[This is a dangerous road, he knows if he sees a great kitten in person he WON'T BE ABLE TO WALK AWAY.]

[alienates]

[ he nods his head and then immediately walks further into the apartment, looking back to make sure kashuu is following. he leads them down a hallway and stops in front of a door, opening it.

the inside is obviously karkat's bedroom. it's decorated with a lot of different movie posters and other random items, but most importantly, there is a cat bed. there was a similar looking one in the living room, but the major difference here is that this one has cats. seven kittens, all napping on each other. ]

Ta-fucking-da.

[sharplydressed]

[yep he's doomed.]

Oooh! Look at 'em all!

[He's still very softly carrying Anne Hathaway and making his way through the place very respectfully since he is a Good Guest, but dang if he doesn't immediately drop any pretenses of not being 100% hype to see these kittens as soon as he sees these kittens.]

Wow... They look so soft and tiny! And totally not like the menaces I'm betting they are when they're awake.

[alienates]

They are the scum of the earth and the bane of my existence when they're awake.

[ it's said in the kind of tone a pet owner who loves their pets very much would have.

one of the parent cats, com, walks up. ]

[sharplydressed]

Sounds about right for cats.

[You aren't a true cat parent until your cat has made you want to die... Or so he's surmised from his many years around other cat parents.

BUT OH, a bigger cat!]

Is this one of the big bad grown-ups?

[He holds his free hand out toward Com, inviting any curious cat sniffs that Com might deem necessary.]

[alienates]

That's the mom.

[ com does go and sniff, but she then immediately turns around and heads to the living room, as cats do. karkat watches her go. ]

What a fucking diva. [ HE SHAKES HIS HEAD DISAPPROVINGLY. ] So, do you want one?

[sharplydressed]

She's still a cutie.

[EVEN IF SHE IS A DIVA. Oh, cats...

Anyway, he looks at this pile of sleeping adorable kittens and his mind says what will Yasusada say but his heart says screw what Yasusada says.]

D'you think I can maybe do like, a foster thing first? See if our place and the people there are a good fit and all?

[alienates]

[ he nods his head. internally, he is cackling and rubbing his hands together in triumph, but he manages not to do that for real because he is slightly less extra than he is in canon. ]

Yeah, sure. I'll even let you take some of my supplies with you.

[ cat supplies. ]

[sharplydressed]

Wow, really? Thanks a ton!

[LITTLE DOES THIS FOOL KNOW that he's been played like a dang fiddle by this slightly-less-extra-than-canon True Supervillain.

But it's fine, since he gets a cat.]

Which ones aren't taken yet?

[alienates]

[ karkat wanders over to the bed and points out a black one, that has a small white patch of fur in the middle of the forehead. ]

This one's free.

[ if the cat wasn't asleep karkat would immediately shove the thing into kashuu's arms to seal the deal. ]]

[sharplydressed]

[Kashuu looks like he's in love at first sight, so Karkat probably won't have to worry about any sudden changes of heart, at least.]

Per-fect! That one's extra cute! Aw... Look at that sleeping face, it's the best.

[HE WANTS TO PET THAT CAT IMMEDIATELY but no he'll have to settle for Anne Hathaway for now, since it's rude to wake sleeping kitties.]

[alienates]

[ also wow, anne hathaway deserves to be petter?? ]

Maybe you should take a shit ton of pictures and send it to your roommate. He'll fall in love immediately and then you can strike to kill and move the cat in after he's already smitten.

[sharplydressed]

[ANNE HATHAWAY IS GETTING HER DUE PETS because Kashuu isn't a heartless fool.

He does immediately make a face, though...]

I wish things were that easy, but this guy looks at kittens and just immediately thinks they're gonna leap on his feet and suck his soul out or something.

[alienates]

What?

[ hm, well actually. ]

I used to be like that but then I had to cat sit for someone and it fucked me up.

[sharplydressed]

Wow, seriously? You seem like the kinda guy who was just born with an innate love for cats...

[He actually sounds a little disbelieving. SOUNDS FAKE, KARKAT.]

[alienates]

Apparently my mom was allergic to them so it stuck with me that cats were the devil or something, you know, dumbass kid logic.

[ he still thinks cats are the devil but it's in the fond way that pet owners think their perfect pets are evil. ]