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[alienates]

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10/30 text

[parodeity]

hey so i know its stupid early but youre absolutely awake because
lets be real
you havent hit the stage of the life cycle of the grumpkantankerous vantas where you pass the fuck out after being up for a ridiculous amount of time
which btw im throwing shade at consider yourself shadowed
but anyway idk if you would like to watch a movie with me
primarily because the movie is ferris bueller's day off
but if you want youre invited to my private viewing of said video
i mean its not private so much as no one else is in the rec room because presumably theyre asleep
or in dirks case holed up in the robotics lab probably
i could ask him if you dont want to watch it
i cannot ask rose because i think my limit per month of waking her up stupid early just to entertain me is like three
or technically one and a half
and then im just living on a hope and a prayer and my charming good looks and shit
but anyway basically im pretty sure shed murder me if i asked so that option just straight up doesnt exist
unless i have an emergency but like
i feel like she wouldnt qualify watching a movie stupid early as an emergency
this is where john would come in handy he totally would consider this an emergency
and then rose would i guess kill us both
ok im just gonna stop contemplating this
movie if you want if not like
have a good day
talk at you later

1/2

[alienates]

FUCK OFF
I CAN TOTALLY BE ASLEEP RIGHT NOW, YOU DON'T KNOW MY SCHEDULE.
PERHAPS I'M THE ONE WITH THE BEST GODDAMN SLEEPING HABIT ON THE BASE AND YOU'RE JUST TOO ENVIOUS OF IT SO YOU HAVE TO INSULT ME?

[alienates]

WAIT
NO, I FUCKED THAT ONE UP BY RESPONDING. GODDAMMIT.

OK YEAH SURE I'LL WATCH THE MOVIE WITH YOU.

[parodeity]

yeah also it was a complete lie
i am perfectly attuned to your fucked up circadian rhythm and youve got at least a day more before you swandive into bed
or like
more likely just crash wherever the fuck you are and get toted back there
but details
rose is literally the only person i love who is ever sleeping when i text her
wait no jade also absolutely sleeps
although i havent noticed her doing her narcolpetic thing which is different
but now that i think about it theres probably a reason for that

anyway what snacks do you want

[alienates]

YOU ARE LIKE THE LAST PERSON I WANT CRITICIZING ME FOR THIS BTW
BECAUSE YOU DO REALIZE THAT IN ORDER FOR YOU TO MAKE ALL OF THESE REALIZATIONS, IT MEANS THAT YOU ARE *ALSO* AWAKE WHEN YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE.

WHAT WAS THAT ONE CANDY YOU GUYS MADE THAT WAS KIND OF MINTY BUT ALSO NOT MINTY?
YOU KNOW THE ONE. I WANT THAT.

[parodeity]

unfortunately for you the person with the better sleep schedule in any given relationship is the one who gets to do the criticizing
and i am the one who has the better sleep schedule
which is actually kind of pathetic
lets never tell anyone who doesnt already know how little we actually sleep
though i sleep more than you so i still win this battle of dubious healthcare

not minty fresh
got it
is that the only request

[alienates]

YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED
HAVE WE NOT TRIED TO MAKE COTTON CANDY HERE YET?
BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE A PERFECT MOVIE FOOD? COTTON FUCKING CANDY.
WOW IF NO ONE HAS ATTEMPTED THIS YET I AM GOING TO DO THIS NEXT MONTH
ANYWAY I GUESS WHATEVER CHIPS WE HAVE LYING AROUND THAT AREN'T DORITOS?

[parodeity]

we dont have doritos
we have potato chips and apple chips
we havent made anything else yet
anyway i think we could make cotton candy since we have sugar but like
youd just need the machine i guess
or however its made
id ask dirk if i were you he can probably hook you up
also im not sure thats perfect movie food
cotton candy is like walking around a fair food babe
while trying to juggle like five oversized stuff toys snatched from the jaws of bullshit rigged games

[alienates]

I THINK SOREY FOUND SOME DORITOS FROM ONE OF THE CRASHED SHIPS?
BUT THERE WASN'T A LOT SO DIRK MIGHT HAVE EATEN THEM ALL ALREADY SINCE THAT WAS LIKE, WHAT? A MONTH AGO?
ALSO I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, DAVE, BUT WE SEEM TO BE FRESH OUT OF FAIRS HERE.
AND CONSIDERING WE ARE ON A BRAND NEW PLANET, WE ARE FREE TO MAKE UP WHEN IT IS OPTIMAL TO EAT CERTAIN FOOD TYPES.
SO I HAVE DECIDED THAT WATCHING MOVIES IN THE REC ROOM IS THE PERFECT TIME TO EAT THE COTTON CANDY THAT I AM GOING TO MAKE ASAP.

[parodeity]

ok lets pause an acknowledge that as soon as you do that you will spend a day asking me why i let you do that and why is cotton candy so fucking sticky dave blah blah blah my hands blah blah
and then move on
we could have a fair
but i think next on the agenda is thanksgiving
then some japanese things and also the birthday onslaught that john always complains about and christmas
and im not sure any of those things call for fairs
although i suppose i could implement one whenever i want
but a fair is kind of pointless without a ferris wheel
so unless we build one of those we should not do it

shit we should totally build a ferris wheel

[alienates]

CAN WE PUT THE WHOLE FERRIS WHEEL THING ON HOLD
ON ACCOUNT OF EVERYTHING ELSE WE HAVE TO DO THAT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN A FERRISH WHEEL?
LIKE WE DO REALLY FUCKING NEED ONE OF
ACTUALLY NO. WAIT.
YEAH LET'S MAKE A FERRIS WHEEL BUT YOU KNOW
AFTER WE DO LESS STUPID THINGS LIKE ACTUALLY BUILD THE SECOND BASE ON THE ISLAND.

[parodeity]

wait
you just agreed with me about a totally frivolous project
why

[alienates]

DO I NEED TO HAVE AN ULTERIOR MOTIVE DAVE
CAN'T I SIMPLY WANT TO SUPPORT YOU AND YOUR DUMB IDEAS OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF MY BLOOD PUMP

[parodeity]

you legitimately just neglected to start a huge argument about ferris wheels
obviously you have an ulterior motive re ferris wheels
is this a romcom thing

[alienates]

WHAT
NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT ROMCOMS.
DOES IT REALLY MATTER WHY I SAID YES?

[parodeity]

yeah because youre not copping to it
that means its probably super sappy
spill

[alienates]

OH MY GOD
LET'S GO WATCH THAT MOVIE.
WASN'T THAT A THING WE WERE DOING?

[parodeity]

sure but you realize im not dropping this topic and will simply continue it in person right
what movie involves a ferris wheel

[alienates]

MAYBE I JUST WANT TO RIDE ON A FERRIS WHEEL, DAVE!!
PERHAPS THIS HAS BEEN A LIFE LONG DREAM I HAVE ALWAYS HAD AND WAS NEVER ABLE TO LIVE UNTIL NOW??
I'M GOING TO THE REC ROOM

[parodeity]

wait did you guys have ferris wheels
that seems like a little too non conquesty and actual fun and hanging out for trolls
not that you cant like do that
but you guys have like a very specific set of species interests thanks to game bullshit
and it cant be a lifelong dream if that were the case

im already in the rec room and have been for like
however many texts
so ok

[alienates]

IT'S NOT LIKE YOU ACTUALLY KNOW IF WE HAD FERRIS WHEELS OR NOT
SO YOU ONLY HAVE MY WORD TO GO ON WITH THIS.
AND BECAUSE OF THAT, I SAY... FUCK YOU IT HAS BEEN A LIFELONG DREAM.

[ a minute later though he will be showing up in the rec room. he is wrapped up in a big blanket that hajime or someone probably made and he took because like. free blanket. ]

[parodeity]

[ dave is in the jeans and shirt combo he wore that day because tbh he didn't even bother to try sleeping. he. DOESN'T SWAP TO VOICE BUT JUST KEEPS TEXTING, LIKE A REASONABLE HUMAN BEING WOULD DO, YOU KNOW anyway he's sitting next to a couch instead of on it, and does actually have the snacks he mentioned. ]

i can ask kanaya
easily

[alienates]

WHAT
NO DON'T ASK KANAYA, WHY WOULD YOU BOTHER HERE WHEN I'M HERE?
SHE'S A VERY BUSY LADY, DAVE. DON'T WASTE HER TIME.

[ .... why is he enabling the texting while in the same room

either way he. sits down next to dave instead of sitting on the fucking couch like a loser. ]

i got distracted by bad twilight fanfic

[parodeity]

and by dont ask her you mean it wasnt lifelong
so this has to be a thing in one of the many romcoms i have had to endure
which is it
i have to watch and study up dude

[ oh my god karkat you could have sat on the couch like a normal person ]

its ok i am getting distracted by everything

[alienates]

FIRST OF ALL, YOU WOULD JUST END UP FALLING ASLEEP OR START TEXTING DIRK HALFWAY THROUGH.
DON'T EVEN PRETEND AS IF YOU PAY ANY ATTENTION TO MY MOVIES
SECOND, I NEVER SAID IT WAS A ROMCOM.

[ MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE SAT ON THE COUCH THEN!!! ]