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[alienates]

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[parodeity]

ok we both know id just follow you dude
and also you wouldnt actually do it you hate roughing it in the wilds
look id offer to talk to you in person rn but dirk basically called dibs

[alienates]

OK FUCK YOU NOW I AM DEFINITELY GOING TO DO IT?
SPITE IS THE STRONGEST MOTIVATOR THERE IS, ASSHOLE.
SEE YOU IN THREE WEEKS OR SOMETHING.
WHO KNOWS!!

[parodeity]

yeah ok if you stay put for two more seconds ill be there and you can yell at me in person

[alienates]

DON'T YOU MEAN TWO SECONDS AND POINT ZERO THIRTY SIX HUNDRED MILLISECONDS?
I AM WALKING TOWARDS THE EXIT NOW.

[parodeity]

[ fine he will wait at the exit ]

[alienates]

What the fuck Dave that wasn't an open invitation.

[ he will just attempt to... slip by dave... move... ]

[parodeity]

[ casually snags his shades back ]

Dude, c'mon. You know you want to shout at me in person, I'm not even arguing I did anything right?

[alienates]

Are you going to tell me how long you were actually gone from your perspective?

[ he points at the exit. ] Since, you know, you're going to wander off to do something else eventually and the second that happens I am gone.

[parodeity]

[ he crosses his arms. ]

Three weeks four days five hours and thirty-three seconds.

[ but it was Important ]

[alienates]

[ karkat fucking tackles him ]

[parodeity]

[ dave just lets it happen but he keeps them both upright tbh since he was. expecting that. ]

It was important?

[alienates]

[ first of all... fuck u it's less satisfying if they don't hit the ground. ]

I should have broke your glasses in half you fucknut.

[ he would have never done that but like

he regrets the fact that he would never do that so much right now. ]

[parodeity]

[ dude he will topple over backwards if you ask ]

You wouldn't, though. You're not actually as much of a dick as you make yourself out to be.

[alienates]

[ no that also takes the fun out of it. dave you should just automatically know this and topple backwards without him asking??? rude. ]

How do you know that? Maybe in the last three weeks four days five hours and thirty-three seconds I've become an even bigger dick than you know.

[parodeity]

It was two hours for you.

[ ok whatever keep trying to knock him over or whatever dave will just hug you he supposes ]

[alienates]

[ he is going to struggle for several minutes but when dave does not go down, karkat just

stops and buries his face in dave's chest.

while still complaining, although now it's somewhat muffled. ]

It didn't feel like two fucking hours.

[parodeity]

[ he just rests his chin on karkat's head. ]

It was, though. I told you it'd only be that long for you.

[alienates]

Well excuse me for not being able to keep track of time to the exact nanosecond, you annoying douche.

[ he finally wraps his arms around dave and it hits him that they are literally standing at the front door of the base they share with like forty other people, and that this is the exact level of pda that he wants to avoid at all costs or else he may actually die. ]

You are so, so fucking lucky that I love you, I swear to literally every god in bullshit magical pajamas.

[parodeity]

I know I am.

[ really, he does, because karkat yells at him 99% of the time but it's usually not mean-spirited and even if it is mean-spirited dave usually said something to deserve...that...because he likes playing with fire and also is a dumbass fairly frequently. ]

I pretty much do not deserve any of you putting up with my bullshit but you in particular so. Thanks? I'll watch 50 First Dates with you? Even though that movie sucks. Like. God. Drew Barrymore has been in better chick flicks, I should know, you've made me watch all of 'em.

[alienates]

You can't take that back now that you've said it. You have been locked in the Sandler zone and you will stay awake for all one hour and thirty-nine minutes of it.

[ he is still pissed but his relief far outweighs his anger. he had given jake the span of a month for a possible length of time dave would actually be gone, and he hates that he wasn't actually too far off the mark?

what a dumb boyfriend. ]

[parodeity]

Yeah, I know. I never promised not to mock it mercilessly, though, you realize.

[ ... ]

But just this once, I'll refrain, I guess.

[alienates]

[ he lightly headbutts dave in a "yeah good you fucking better refrain" way.

hm. he should probably confess to something though. ]

I told Dirk to fuck off btw.

[ he should probably also confess to knowing that cal has been here since almost the moment dirk found the puppet but also. nah. he's not gonna do that. ]

[parodeity]

You shouldn't've. This one's all on me.

[ because he can't deal, so he just has to

timeloop until he can in the month time limit he managed to get dirk to agree to?

plans karkat never needs to know about ]

[alienates]

[ OR DAVE CAN NOT DO THAT????? ]

Oh, no, trust me. I am fully aware that you fucked up exponentially here. That doesn't make me any less pissed off at his general direction though.

[ although a lot of the context for why karkat is mad, again, has to do with his own conversation with dirk before this confrontation even happened. ]

[parodeity]

[ no consider: he's doing it!! ]

It wasn't his fault at all, though. I'm the one who couldn't deal with one of my issues. Not his responsibility to make it into his issue.