ic inbox

[alienates]

( telepathy / text / video / voice / action )

( please go here for new threads. )

Comments

[parodeity]

[ don't be an asshole to dirk dave had an equal part in this???? a greater part in this by the end goddamnit dave. ]

I'm sorry? [ it's an awkward attempt because honestly dave knows that karkat wants him to stay (dirk wants him to stay) and he knows karkat hates this method of dealing with issues and yet he's about to utilize it. anyway.

he's a pretty terrible boyfriend sometimes and it is honestly astonishing karkat puts up with his crap? ]

You can punch me when I get back. [ and then he'll just loop back to that morning because that's the easiest way to abscond although at least he's being legit and will text karkat in precisely two hours and forty-five seconds ]

[alienates]

[ too late he's an asshole to dirk.

he spends that two hours and forty-five seconds hopping back and forth between being extremely anxious and extremely annoyed. there is no middle ground.

and he does not practice making dinosaurs. ]

[parodeity]

back
whatd i miss

[alienates]

OH NOT MUCH.
JUST MY ALL-ENCOMPASSING HATRED FOR LIFE AND EVERYTHING REACHING A WHOLE NEW LEVEL?
EVERY TIME I THINK I CAN'T TOP MYSELF WITH HOW MUCH RAGE MY SMALL FORM CAN BE FILLED WITH, I JUST END UP SURPRISING MYSELF ALL OVER AGAIN.
ANYWAY I SEE THAT YOU'RE NOT DEAD.
THAT'S COOL I GUESS.

[parodeity]

[ he knew it was coming, and yet ]

yeah rose just told me were holding a corpse party for me courtesy you

[alienates]

YEAH.
I'M NOT SURE WHO ELSE I'D INVITE TO THIS OCCASION BUT I KNOW LALONDE WOULD NOT WANT TO MISS IT.
MIGHT AS WELL KEEP IT WITHIN THE FAMILY, YOU KNOW.
IT'LL BE CLASSIER THAT WAY.

[parodeity]

have you considered what my tombstone will say

[alienates]

HERE LIES FUCKASS STRIDER.
HOPEFULLY HE IS CHOKING ON A BONE BULGE IN HIS CORPSE HOLE, BECAUSE EVEN DEAD THAT WILL BE THE ONLY WAY TO GET HIM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP.
ALSO I HATE HIM.

[parodeity]

love you too
sorry

[alienates]

YOU ARE THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE THAT I KNOW.
AND I AM INCLUDING MYSELF IN THAT CONTEST.

[parodeity]

yeah i know
people do tend to get it wrong which of us tends to be the bigger dick
presumably because i can carry on a conversation at speaking level

[alienates]

ANYWAY SO, SINCE I HAVE UNDOUBTEDLY LOST *ANOTHER* FIVE SWEEPS OFF MY LIFESPAN, AT THE VERY LEAST, FROM STRIDER STUPIDITY
I DEMAND TO KNOW EXACTLY HOW LONG THE TWO HOURS ACTUALLY LASTED.
AND WHEN I SAY DEMAND I DON'T MEAN YOU IGNORE ME AND CHANGE THE SUBJECT AGAIN.
I MEAN, TELL ME HOW LONG YOU WERE GONE.

[parodeity]

the two hours lasted exactly two hours from your perspective
do we really need to discuss it outside of that
you know any answer i give aside from two hours will just make you angry

[alienates]

HA.
HA HA HA HA.
YOU SAY THAT AS IF I'M NOT ALREADY ANGRY?
SERIOUSLY, TELL ME. IF YOU DON'T THEN I WILL GIVE YOU A TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE AND LEAVE THIS BASE.
AND UNLIKE YOU, I DO NOT HAVE TIME POWERS SO WHO THE FUCK KNOWS WHEN I'D BE BACK!

[parodeity]

ok we both know id just follow you dude
and also you wouldnt actually do it you hate roughing it in the wilds
look id offer to talk to you in person rn but dirk basically called dibs

[alienates]

OK FUCK YOU NOW I AM DEFINITELY GOING TO DO IT?
SPITE IS THE STRONGEST MOTIVATOR THERE IS, ASSHOLE.
SEE YOU IN THREE WEEKS OR SOMETHING.
WHO KNOWS!!

[parodeity]

yeah ok if you stay put for two more seconds ill be there and you can yell at me in person

[alienates]

DON'T YOU MEAN TWO SECONDS AND POINT ZERO THIRTY SIX HUNDRED MILLISECONDS?
I AM WALKING TOWARDS THE EXIT NOW.

[parodeity]

[ fine he will wait at the exit ]

[alienates]

What the fuck Dave that wasn't an open invitation.

[ he will just attempt to... slip by dave... move... ]

[parodeity]

[ casually snags his shades back ]

Dude, c'mon. You know you want to shout at me in person, I'm not even arguing I did anything right?

[alienates]

Are you going to tell me how long you were actually gone from your perspective?

[ he points at the exit. ] Since, you know, you're going to wander off to do something else eventually and the second that happens I am gone.

[parodeity]

[ he crosses his arms. ]

Three weeks four days five hours and thirty-three seconds.

[ but it was Important ]

[alienates]

[ karkat fucking tackles him ]

[parodeity]

[ dave just lets it happen but he keeps them both upright tbh since he was. expecting that. ]

It was important?