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[alienates]

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[alienates]

[ tbf dave did cheat first. ]

You all make me so grateful that I'm not related to anyone, jegus. It's gambit after ridiculous gambit with you people.

[ he kisses dave's hand. there there, you nerd. ] So what are you doing then.

[parodeity]

[ yeah no he 100% did ]

I'm considering if I'm gonna do something or not.

[ way to be ominous ]

[alienates]

I am beginning to think your title is actually Knight of Vague because you never explain shit.

[ like, that is annoying on a good day but right now it is straight up infuriating. ]

Tell me what this something is you dick.

[parodeity]

I'm not set on what I'm gonna do, ok, but if I have to do a thing it's not gonna be anything you like, probably?

[ "probably" more like "absolutely" ]

[alienates]

[ karkat snorts. ] What? Dave Strider, doing something I don't like? What a goddamn shock! No one could have seen this plot twist coming.

[ he just reaches out so he can cup dave's dumb face between his hands. ]

Listen here you apple fucking turd, tell me these hypothetical plans.

[parodeity]

[ dave. shrugs. ]

I don't want to be here? Right now. Not here with you, I mean - that's fine, I just - I don't think I want to be here right now.

[ so basically he is two seconds away from pulling one of those disappearing acts he does when they argue sometimes

while sick

in the middle of storm season

this is gonna end well ]

[alienates]

[ oh

fuck. fuck fuck fuck.

karkat is fully aware that he cannot physically stop dave from running. dave is faster than him and can cheat and karkat had never beaten him in a wrestling match but he will probably scream if dave fucks off like this. ]

No. Don't you fucking dare. You will probably get eaten by a horrorterror or something out there, you're sick. No?

[parodeity]

Why does everyone keep pointing that out, I'm not that sick?

[ the relevant point is probably not that?

dave unclips his shades from his shirt and slides them onto karkat's face. ]

Idk if he tracking deviced those while I wasn't paying attention or not.

[alienates]

[ anything that karkat had been about to say is immediately cut off when dave puts the shades on him. dave doesn't barely lets him even touch the damn things, much less wear them.

oh god. ]

I love you? [ it's the quietest thing dave has probably ever heard karkat say... which, you know, still isn't that quiet but. ] I will kick your ass so hard the only thing you'll be able to rap about will be your woes of not being able to sit the fuck down ever again.

[parodeity]

I won't be gone for more than a few hours.

[ from your perspective, he doesn't say. ]

You know we don't deal with this shit the same way [ "this shit" being an argument ] and you know I love you too, so.

[ just give him a little bit to chill out because he can't do it when he's not sure where the hell dirk put cal and he's angry because dave actually does not like being angry since he usually isn't ]

You gonna be okay?

[alienates]

[ he just gives dave a look, like he knows it won't actually be a few hours because he knows it won't actually be a few hours.

Does it actually matter if I will or not? [ because no? karkat always immediately jumps to the worst possible conclusion. he overthinks everything and freaks out and works himself up over every little thing and he is just very tired.

so he leans over and kisses dave, a little more roughly than he normally would because he is mad and tired and dave is a fucking cheater with time powers, and it's kind of weird since he's not used to wearing glasses but. fine. fine!! ]

We both know you're going to go so you might as well get it over with now, asshole.

[parodeity]

[ look at least kanaya is here for him to bitch about dave to? that is like karkat's favorite activity when dave does this. dave knows he's all over the place though and while he usually doesn't care about his lack of filter he can't risk saying something even dumber to dirk than anything he has already said while angry.

and at least dave is giving him a warning and timeframe like he promised he would do although sometimes he still fucks that up um

he does kiss back because he never fails to do that. ]

It's my fault, not his, ok. Try to figure out how to fold a dinosaur in the next two hours, idk.

[alienates]

[ karkat is going to be in such a bad mood from now until... the next thing that happens that will inevitably piss him off, probably. ]

Can you just hurry the fuck up and go so you can come back already? I can't murder you when you return if you still haven't left yet.

[ also he refuses to have a panic attack when dave is still around to witness it? shoo. karkat needs to be an asshole to dirk and forget how to breathe now. ]

[parodeity]

[ don't be an asshole to dirk dave had an equal part in this???? a greater part in this by the end goddamnit dave. ]

I'm sorry? [ it's an awkward attempt because honestly dave knows that karkat wants him to stay (dirk wants him to stay) and he knows karkat hates this method of dealing with issues and yet he's about to utilize it. anyway.

he's a pretty terrible boyfriend sometimes and it is honestly astonishing karkat puts up with his crap? ]

You can punch me when I get back. [ and then he'll just loop back to that morning because that's the easiest way to abscond although at least he's being legit and will text karkat in precisely two hours and forty-five seconds ]

[alienates]

[ too late he's an asshole to dirk.

he spends that two hours and forty-five seconds hopping back and forth between being extremely anxious and extremely annoyed. there is no middle ground.

and he does not practice making dinosaurs. ]

[parodeity]

back
whatd i miss

[alienates]

OH NOT MUCH.
JUST MY ALL-ENCOMPASSING HATRED FOR LIFE AND EVERYTHING REACHING A WHOLE NEW LEVEL?
EVERY TIME I THINK I CAN'T TOP MYSELF WITH HOW MUCH RAGE MY SMALL FORM CAN BE FILLED WITH, I JUST END UP SURPRISING MYSELF ALL OVER AGAIN.
ANYWAY I SEE THAT YOU'RE NOT DEAD.
THAT'S COOL I GUESS.

[parodeity]

[ he knew it was coming, and yet ]

yeah rose just told me were holding a corpse party for me courtesy you

[alienates]

YEAH.
I'M NOT SURE WHO ELSE I'D INVITE TO THIS OCCASION BUT I KNOW LALONDE WOULD NOT WANT TO MISS IT.
MIGHT AS WELL KEEP IT WITHIN THE FAMILY, YOU KNOW.
IT'LL BE CLASSIER THAT WAY.

[parodeity]

have you considered what my tombstone will say

[alienates]

HERE LIES FUCKASS STRIDER.
HOPEFULLY HE IS CHOKING ON A BONE BULGE IN HIS CORPSE HOLE, BECAUSE EVEN DEAD THAT WILL BE THE ONLY WAY TO GET HIM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP.
ALSO I HATE HIM.

[parodeity]

love you too
sorry

[alienates]

YOU ARE THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE THAT I KNOW.
AND I AM INCLUDING MYSELF IN THAT CONTEST.

[parodeity]

yeah i know
people do tend to get it wrong which of us tends to be the bigger dick
presumably because i can carry on a conversation at speaking level

[alienates]

ANYWAY SO, SINCE I HAVE UNDOUBTEDLY LOST *ANOTHER* FIVE SWEEPS OFF MY LIFESPAN, AT THE VERY LEAST, FROM STRIDER STUPIDITY
I DEMAND TO KNOW EXACTLY HOW LONG THE TWO HOURS ACTUALLY LASTED.
AND WHEN I SAY DEMAND I DON'T MEAN YOU IGNORE ME AND CHANGE THE SUBJECT AGAIN.
I MEAN, TELL ME HOW LONG YOU WERE GONE.