Because I kept something from you you're gonna wanna yell at me about and I can't keep it from you if I'm like, gonna sleep with you for the forseeable future. Though if you don't let me I'm going to the farm for nights.
[ he crosses his arms over his chest, since he's lying on his back, and grumbles. ]
[ karkat stares at dave for a few seconds, not sure which topic to tackle first. he's assuming the fight with dirk and the thing that dave kept from him are two different things? and again, he is pretty sure he knows what the fight is about if dirk actually went through with telling dave about cal, so what the fuck is the first thing about?
he has an internal debate with himself before finally deciding that the subject of dirk should take precedence here. ]
And what exactly did you fight about? It has to be something big for you to escape from that gross hug pile.
Dirk wants to destroy his stupid fucking evil puppet but he doesn't actually want to do it, any idiot can see that, so I told him not to or I wouldn't...talk to him again...
[ yes, he knows he acted like he was five but just imagine two striders trying to be the one doing the self-sacrificing idiot in the equation and not managing to one up the other and you have their entire stupid conversation ]
[ ... well, at least karkat knows he was not wrong with his prediction of how that conversation was gonna go. ]
Okay but I just want to point out that there is no way in hell that you'll last not speaking to him. The two of you are practically surgically attached at the leg holster.
[ it's like watching a puppy follow its owner around except both dave and dirk are the puppies in this case. ]
You're supposed to be on my side here, I'm not going to let this be a thing that's a fuckin' thing.
[ his voice loses all fire when he says it, though, because honestly he's just. tired. dave reaches up to take of his shades, clipping them to the front of his shirt, but his eyes are shut. ]
[ he thinks back to his conversation with dirk, and how the other teen completely snapped at him when karkat questioned his love for dave. ]
I'm not going to lie and say I know Dirk very well because the asshole's a complete enigma to me, but I am pretty confident in my assessment that he wants you to not be a total wreck. Anyway, I would personally punt him into the volcano if he chose a puppet over you.
You cannot tell me who I can and can't punt into a volcano, Dave.
[ he's frowning though since he did not miss the implication there? ]
Hypothetically speaking, what would you do if he did get rid of the damn thing? Besides never speak to him again which, I will repeat, is a thing we all know will not actually happen.
[ sleep at night? be surprised he actually was more important than a puppet and it wasn't just talk? hate himself forever because dirk in no way wants to destroy the puppet or his guardian or whatever it is? ]
Hate myself.
[ like, sure, the puppet not being gotten rid of will fuck him up, but it's not like dave can't find new and exciting ways to hate himself even if they get rid of the shit that bothers him? why should dirk have to make a sacrifice like this when it's so much easier for dave to do it?
he opens his eyes, and they're bloodshot like he hasn't been getting much sleep, like he might be, you know, sick like a bunch of other people on base because yeah that's the thing he has avoided telling karkat or anyone else. frowns at the ceiling. ]
It doesn't hypothetically matter because it ain't gonna happen. No way will he really do it.
[ if karkat were in dirk's position, he would do it. he would have probably done it behind dave's back, even, since he knows dave would have put up a fight like this. and if dirk loved dave even half as much as karkat does (and karkat is pretty sure he loves him more than that after that conversation), then he would not hesitate to burn that thing.
he doesn't know how to make dave believe this. there probably really isn't any way to do it, not with words, at least. so instead on focusing on that, he reaches over to press a hand on dave's forehead. ]
I don't remember agreeing to that request, you enormous idiot.
[ he drops his hand, but only so he can close the distance between them and wrap his arms around dave. kind of a dumb move, since dave is technically contagious, but whatever. karkat has avoided getting sick this long. ]
I think that you're both trying really hard to be the martyr in this relationship for some bullshit reason. I am obviously missing a lot of context for this situation and I am fully aware that you won't fill me in on that even if I asked, so I'm just going talk about what I do know. As someone who does, in fact, love the embarrassing mess known as Dave Strider, I believe I am pretty good at spotting when someone else also does. And he does. So I think he'll do it.
[ oh okay it's a hug he can respond to that even if he's. brooding. shit he's fucking brooding this is terrible he hates teenage angst and doesn't want to engage in it?
but he can't let dirk burn every splinter of himself until there's nothing left just because of bro. and dave's own fucked up whatever. he can deal with it, he needs to learn how to deal with it. it's not going to be easy but he has to try, doesn't he? ]
He's just trying to not be someone. And he shouldn't have to cut himself to pieces to do it, when he's already not. It's my problem, not his.
Okay so... if he's not whoever this person is [ he says, as if it's not obvious who dave is talking about at this point. ] then what makes you think he wouldn't willingly choose you?
[ in any case, dirk definitely does not think that it isn't his problem. ]
dave is less important than cal? he has thirteen years of evidence? it's true dirk isn't bro. but their core is the same. ]
"Choosing me" isn't a thing that should even happen in this scenario. [ he shouldn't even want it to. ] He loves the stupid puppet, okay? We're not discussing what will happen if he gets rid of it, because he's not going to. I'm not letting him?
I cannot believe you have the fucking gall to call me the dramatic one.
[ his hold on dave tightens a bit though, both as a way to comfort and to also make sure he doesn't actually try to leave and sleep on the goddamn farm? no? karkat wants to lecture him so badly about hiding the fact that he's been sick, but he knows that if he switches topics then they probably won't easily return to the current one. ]
So, what then? Is this a competition on which of you is more stubborn.
Alright, dumbass, but I want you to answer one more question. And I want a non-bullshit response, if I detect that you are just spouting what the fuck ever to get me to drop the subject I will sportsball toss that damn puppet into the void myself.
[ karkat looses his hold just enough so he can get a better view of dave. ]
Do you think you will actually be able to deal with it?
[ it's a good thing the question was so unspecific. because dave doesn't think he's going to get around a full resurgence of nightmares, and he knows his skin will crawl for weeks and he'll never feel quite settled knowing cal's around. even if it isn't his slightly Wrong version of cal. he's not sure he wants to sleep in the observatory knowing the puppet's on the other side of the door.
but he can deal with it without saying anything. he'd dealt with it for an entire lifetime before dirk started trying to burn away anything that hurt him. ]
I can handle it. [ he'll be jumpy as shit and avoid the thing like the plague but it won't kill him and isn't that the main thing? ] I don't want him to do this.
[ karkat just. looks at him. trying to gauge how much dave is leaving out with his answer and how much further should he press. he can keep arguing, but he's aware that dave tends to abscond whenever these type of conversations start to head in a direction he doesn't like.
it's just frustrating, arguing about this, since karkat is completely biased about whose feelings he values more between dirk and dave. it might make him an asshole, but whatever. but even though dave is the person karkat loves the most here, karkat is pretty sure that does not go both ways. and that's fine? families are important, according to everyone, so. he can live with that. what he cannot live with is dave torturing himself. ]
You said that Dirk shouldn't have to cut himself up over this. That applies to you too, you know.
He's doing it worse than me, he's legitimately trying to cut out pieces of himself and make them not exist.
[ dave loosens the hug, but it's just to get at his communicator and fire off a text. he's not leaving. like, he hates these talks and normally he doesn't say anything about dirk beyond the positive and vague but he just.
shit.
doesn't that make dave like bro, if he lets dirk do this? ]
[ okay but how else do you even put what dirk's doing. dave tilts the communicator away because he's a dick and he's doing a dick move kinda thing right now. ]
Trying to call in reinforcements and mostly failing.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ says karkat, yelling.
he doesn't deny the hot thing though, but goes back to playing with the piece of paper. ]
Why are you over here anyway?
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[ he crosses his arms over his chest, since he's lying on his back, and grumbles. ]
...Had a fight with Dirk.
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he has an internal debate with himself before finally deciding that the subject of dirk should take precedence here. ]
And what exactly did you fight about? It has to be something big for you to escape from that gross hug pile.
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[ yes, he knows he acted like he was five but just imagine two striders trying to be the one doing the self-sacrificing idiot in the equation and not managing to one up the other and you have their entire stupid conversation ]
I don't wanna talk about it.
[ tbh ]
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Okay but I just want to point out that there is no way in hell that you'll last not speaking to him. The two of you are practically surgically attached at the leg holster.
[ it's like watching a puppy follow its owner around except both dave and dirk are the puppies in this case. ]
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[ his voice loses all fire when he says it, though, because honestly he's just. tired. dave reaches up to take of his shades, clipping them to the front of his shirt, but his eyes are shut. ]
The hell kind of person would?
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I'm not going to lie and say I know Dirk very well because the asshole's a complete enigma to me, but I am pretty confident in my assessment that he wants you to not be a total wreck. Anyway, I would personally punt him into the volcano if he chose a puppet over you.
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[ which isn't the same as "you won't have to" because honestly
dave does not believe he'd ever win out over lil cal ]
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[ he's frowning though since he did not miss the implication there? ]
Hypothetically speaking, what would you do if he did get rid of the damn thing? Besides never speak to him again which, I will repeat, is a thing we all know will not actually happen.
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Hate myself.
[ like, sure, the puppet not being gotten rid of will fuck him up, but it's not like dave can't find new and exciting ways to hate himself even if they get rid of the shit that bothers him? why should dirk have to make a sacrifice like this when it's so much easier for dave to do it?
he opens his eyes, and they're bloodshot like he hasn't been getting much sleep, like he might be, you know, sick like a bunch of other people on base because yeah that's the thing he has avoided telling karkat or anyone else. frowns at the ceiling. ]
It doesn't hypothetically matter because it ain't gonna happen. No way will he really do it.
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he doesn't know how to make dave believe this. there probably really isn't any way to do it, not with words, at least. so instead on focusing on that, he reaches over to press a hand on dave's forehead. ]
You fucker.
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[ his forehead is hot to the touch, and he shuts his eyes again. ]
Which of us was the bigger dumbass in your opinion here.
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[ he drops his hand, but only so he can close the distance between them and wrap his arms around dave. kind of a dumb move, since dave is technically contagious, but whatever. karkat has avoided getting sick this long. ]
I think that you're both trying really hard to be the martyr in this relationship for some bullshit reason. I am obviously missing a lot of context for this situation and I am fully aware that you won't fill me in on that even if I asked, so I'm just going talk about what I do know. As someone who does, in fact, love the embarrassing mess known as Dave Strider, I believe I am pretty good at spotting when someone else also does. And he does. So I think he'll do it.
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but he can't let dirk burn every splinter of himself until there's nothing left just because of bro. and dave's own fucked up whatever. he can deal with it, he needs to learn how to deal with it. it's not going to be easy but he has to try, doesn't he? ]
He's just trying to not be someone. And he shouldn't have to cut himself to pieces to do it, when he's already not. It's my problem, not his.
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[ in any case, dirk definitely does not think that it isn't his problem. ]
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dave is less important than cal? he has thirteen years of evidence? it's true dirk isn't bro. but their core is the same. ]
"Choosing me" isn't a thing that should even happen in this scenario. [ he shouldn't even want it to. ] He loves the stupid puppet, okay? We're not discussing what will happen if he gets rid of it, because he's not going to. I'm not letting him?
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I cannot believe you have the fucking gall to call me the dramatic one.
[ his hold on dave tightens a bit though, both as a way to comfort and to also make sure he doesn't actually try to leave and sleep on the goddamn farm? no? karkat wants to lecture him so badly about hiding the fact that he's been sick, but he knows that if he switches topics then they probably won't easily return to the current one. ]
So, what then? Is this a competition on which of you is more stubborn.
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It's a thing I can't let him do. I'll learn to deal with it. He just has to, like, accept that's a thing that is gonna be a thing.
[ dave says while dirk digs his heels in and insists he has to kill cal
they're good at this. dave actually rouses himself to hug back now though. ]
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[ karkat looses his hold just enough so he can get a better view of dave. ]
Do you think you will actually be able to deal with it?
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but he can deal with it without saying anything. he'd dealt with it for an entire lifetime before dirk started trying to burn away anything that hurt him. ]
I can handle it. [ he'll be jumpy as shit and avoid the thing like the plague but it won't kill him and isn't that the main thing? ] I don't want him to do this.
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it's just frustrating, arguing about this, since karkat is completely biased about whose feelings he values more between dirk and dave. it might make him an asshole, but whatever. but even though dave is the person karkat loves the most here, karkat is pretty sure that does not go both ways. and that's fine? families are important, according to everyone, so. he can live with that. what he cannot live with is dave torturing himself. ]
You said that Dirk shouldn't have to cut himself up over this. That applies to you too, you know.
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[ dave loosens the hug, but it's just to get at his communicator and fire off a text. he's not leaving. like, he hates these talks and normally he doesn't say anything about dirk beyond the positive and vague but he just.
shit.
doesn't that make dave like bro, if he lets dirk do this? ]
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[ he knows dave is being serious there but like. come on.
also, karkat is nosy, so he tries to peek at what dave is typing. ]
Who are you talking to?
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Trying to call in reinforcements and mostly failing.
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Who the fuck are you talking to you pretentious douchebag? Let me see. You didn't go to Jake, did you? Oh my fuck, you went to Jake. Let me see!
[ karkat probably should not attempt to wrestle with someone who's sick but yolo..... ]
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